Friday, 05 March 2010

• Lessons from Speed Dating

  
  

  For most people, approaching someone is the most difficult part of picking someone up. Prearranged environments, like speed dating, eliminate the awkward should-I-or-shouldn't-I fence riding moment we've all experienced.

  When I think of speed dating, however, I think of unattractive, emotionally shallow people sitting around trying to force some sort of romantic connection.  After actually attending a speed dating event, I discovered it is not as horrible as it sounds - or as horrible as I expected.

  For the most part, the attendees were attractive, the conversations, merry, and the pressure to fall in love, absent. Admittedly, there were a few crazies, but, and this holds true for most public events, they are out there. The event, altogether, taught me some valuable lessons about dating that I think need to be said aloud.

  At this particular event, each person had three minutes to make a good first impression. Here is what everyone should know about the first three minutes:
  

  Introduce yourself. It's no fun talking to someone for three minutes (or, in real life, longer) if you don't know who they are. Names are where most people start. Keep it simple.
  

  A date is not an interview. Seriously, one lady had a list of questions printed out. She was the only person I couldn't talk to for the full three minutes. It's okay to ask questions, but use them to create an organic conversation. In addition to checking of your list (and everyone has one), you want to at least feign an interest in the other person.
  

  Find common ground. It's always there, unless you are the lady mentioned in #2. You can do this by asking open ended questions, such as, "What do you do for fun?" or even by asking specifics, "What's your favorite book/movie/band?" Once you have the common ground, let the conversation flow…
  

  Pay attention to body language. Pay attention to your body language. Smile and make two to four seconds of eye contact at a time. Avoid crossing your arms or covering your face. Pay attention to your partner's body language. Are they leaning toward you? Are they leaning away? Do they appear guarded or open? Are they smiling, laughing, giggling, or frowning? Just because you're talking about the odds of surviving a zombie apocalypse, doesn't mean their body isn't trying to tell you to go for it.
  

  Be open minded. It's easy to make assumptions about people based on how they dress or look or what they drive. Just because she has tattoos, doesn't mean she is _____, and just because he's a body builder doesn't mean he also _____. A lady older than my mother laughed at me. In her defense, she didn't have a chance, but after we engaged in a real conversation via 1, 2, and 3, it was clear that we had more to talk about that either of us first assumed.

  Have you ever been speed dating? Do you have any other tips?
  

  Image Source

  • 8:01 PM
  • 1356 Views
  • 24 eProps
  • 11 Comments