Friday, 05 March 2010
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Datingish Advice: On The Topic of Kids
One wants kids. One doesn't. But they're madly in love. Can it work?
Well? Does love really conquer ALL? Or will the person who wants kids likely either a) --if they stay together--become resentful of their SO and/or b) find somebody else who DOES want the same things as them?
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Comments (14)
No. It won't work. It's senseless to try to compromise on something so huge. Find someone who shares your major life goals. Having kids/Not having kids isn't the same decision as Toyota or Chevrolet. It's a gigantic thing. Having kids even though you don't want to = bad decision. Not having kids even though you really want to = bad decision. That's not an issue worth trying to compromise on - it'll only lead to resentment.
Won't work. And the ideea that there's only one person out there for anyone is ridiculous, so two people in this situation should cut their loses and meet another 'one'.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
Nope doesn't work. That's why I oh-so-subtly try to get an idea if they want kids, b/c I don't. If I get the impression that they do - its a dead end. Do not go past "GO", do not collect $200. Forget it.
I don't know. I told my boyfriend that we seem to have some irreconcilable differences that may be reason enough not to get married, and one of them is this topic. I have no desire to have kids, and that may never change. He wants kids eventually down the line. However, he told me that we'll cross that bridge when we come to it and not to worry about it.
It hasn't changed our relationship at all thus far. I guess we'll find out if our differences cause problems in the future.
@whitetrashpoet@xanga - You're seriously comparing the topic of wanting kids to wanting a Toyota or a Chevrolet? Cars are a big decision but they're not that big of a life decision.
@SeaChaCha@xanga - Read more carefully. I said it's NOT the same decision. You can marry a diehard Chevy driver even if you won't drive anything other than Toyota. You canNOT make a relationship work if one wants kids and the other doesn't.
i think this will be a very ugly battle, and in the end the relationship pobably won't work.
i want kids, and i sure as hell am not gonna waste my life on anyone who doesn't.
i think love can conquer but not all. in my own relationships, i haven't gone too far and started to talk about children so i don't know but i wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want to have children one day.
Before I started dating my boyfriend, I always pictured myself, in the future, having four kids. My boyfriend always pictured himself not fathering any children. We've been together a little over seven months and, oddly enough, it has switched, I don't want any kids, and he does (I think we've decided on having just ONE kid, but we'll see when we get to that point in our lives). So no matter how you feel about the idea (or how your SO feels about it), there's always room for a change of heart. Nothing is concrete. If your SO doesn't want kids and you do, don't just break it off, give it time, maybe it won't always be like that.
Well it would always depends how strong the view on kids are for each of them. I knew a married couple the husband didn't care and the wife didn't want. So it was ok. Most of the married couples I knew that had problems with the kids part (wanting or not). Either got one child or wound up in divorce.
If the one who wants kids can't sway the one who doesn't, then it's better if they split. This is cause for much resentment, frustration and an overall very unsatisfying relationship. I consider it a reason to not even date someone if I already know she doesn't want kids. There's always someone compatible with you who feels the same as you about it. Noticing them is the difficult part; but odds are better if you're free to look.
I don't think it would work out.
nope. people think tht u can change their mind after marriage. my aunt really wanted kids and married a guy who didnt. long story short... theyre divorced and she remarried and now has 2 kids with my uncle :) proof tht it doesnt work lol
I don't think it could work.
I know I want kids and I know I couldn't be with someone who didn't - because that's a BIG thing!