Tonight, I was with a group of friends and we watched the movie "Definitely, Maybe". In it there is one romantic interest who seems to move on after her efforts to initiate a romantic relationship with the main character go haywire. Yet (I don't mean to spoil the film for those that haven't seen it -- it's great so you should) at the end she is ready to welcome him back and love him though it's been years. Like 10 or something.
It's not that I doubt her affection for him. Granted I think her love for him would obviously change and transform into something different than its original form because of the length of time, but what keeps nagging at me is how it is evident that part of her is waiting for him. Or at least that is how it appeared to me.
The phenomenon of waiting for someone has been popping up in my mind often.
I tend to see a lot of it most recently. I also just saw "The Lake House" which is all about waiting for the right timing for a romantic relationship. In this story the two lovers, for many reasons, have to wait a long amount of years before they can ever be together. At one point it seems as if the heroine gives up and decides to move on. However, it's at the end (sorry to be a spoiler once again) when he's in danger does she step in, recognize that she does love him, and tells him so, but that she is willing to wait once again.
I guess the thing that sticks out to me most of all in these two examples is the idea that someone can say that they are "moving on", yet somewhere in the back of their mind, if something ends up threatening the former lover or that person comes back into their lives with a desire to try again. Basically, the idea of "moving on" is a false conception. Or is it really? I'm very confused about this because I don't like to subscribe to "moving on". Like in The Lake House, I see moving on as ignoring one's true feelings. I see it as a form of escapism. I'm not saying that if you're desperately in love with someone who is woefully wrong for you you should pursue it or dwell in it. I think of moving on as a phase of acceptance of your feelings and a decision to engage in something new.
But I digress. Going back to the original idea of waiting, what if you don't wait and you miss exactly who you want/what you need? But what if you end up waiting too long, you could miss out on so many opportunities and many possible relationships. However, on the other end of the spectrum, I thus ask is it really possible to "move on" (in either my definition or the more socially accepted one)? Are you always waiting?
I guess I ask these questions because I'm afraid of not waiting. I'm afraid of letting go, that moving on will somehow allow my feelings to die. At the same time, I feel like if I don't wait, I'm betraying my faith and my hope; I feel like I'm betraying myself and what I stand for in a way. Or perhaps that is just a cop out? Does the concept of waiting have a connection with the amount of loyalty you feel towards a certain person? In the end though I find myself wondering if you cannot help but allow a little part of yourself to always wait.
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I'm waiting for one reason or another. Probably just testing myself to see how much I truly care, if I care as much as I think and say then waiting should be no problem. If I move on I feel like I've betrayed my feelings and all the proclamations of love I've made in the past.
hey, im waiting for someone. only because i want to save every ounce of my love ( or at leats whats left of it =[ ) for one special girl.
i dont mind missing out of a lot of great posiible relationships because thats the problem. its plural. i dont want alot of relationships. i just want one person who feels the same way i do.
so i dont look at things that im "missing" out on. because in the long wrong, im not missing out on anything =]
But if the one you loved ended it then why torture yourself
They had their reasons for ending it
It's really a difficult decision. It's hard to move on and it can feel wrong, but if you're utterly anguished, moving on, whether in a false sense or the real 100% sense, may be just what you need to live your life.
Story of my life. Still holding out for the one person, sadly. Moving on is necessary though because life goes on. Personally for me, I feel guilty because I know I'm still going to hold a piece of my heart for that one person.
But it's like what Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga said. It's hard to move on but it may just be what's needed.
I'm in that situation right now. I keep thinking I'm over him, but in my heart I know that if he needed me, if he wanted me, I'd be there. And I hate it, because I feel like I'm allowing myself to be walked all over, but I can't help it, either.
Right now I'm at the point that if someone who was interested in me did come along, I'd have to say, "look, this guy was my best friend until he up and met this girl. Suddenly, I no longer exist. I had a crush on him, and for years I've thought I was over it. I might be, might not. I want to be. Are you willing to take that on and help me overcome it?"
If he says yes, then we'll see what happens. If he says no, then nevermind.
It sucks.
I didn't wait 100% and the other person moved on. So now a part of me will always be waiting. But the other part is saying what are you doing, go find someone who won't ask you to wait and put your life on hold but will live a full life with you. Someone wanting you to wait but not waiting themselves...what kind of person are you being loyal to then? Hopefully this line of questioning wins out in my life because otherwise my life will not continue happily.
if i knew the answers to these questions, my life would be perfect... if you find them.. please tell me =/
She's sort of moved on, but feels she cant have anything to do with me, mostly due to her alcoholism. I still love her more than i ever have anyone. M-F is cold, weekends arent bad but it took me a long time to adapt to my situation. I'm unsure of why reckless, un-planned relationships always work the best?
idk. i feel like i tried not to wait, but part of me always held back anyways. my thoughts stayed with my first best guy friend, who i really came to love. i really did try to move on though, i really did. but as soon as i graduated college, he broke up with his old girlfriend, and we were in deep about a month later. its been a year and a half, and i hope it continues to grow like this...
i waited for this one particular person only to find that he was the person that could hurt me the most so i moved on. it's a hard question answer because you have to ask yourself why you're waiting for that person and if it's worth waiting for. while i was waiting for this particular person, i missed out on a lot of great guys and after he did what he did to me, i stopped and found someone who i so adore and he adores me too and doesn't treat me bad like the other guy.
I wouldn't wait. No use spending my time pining over someone who doesn't care to wait for me.
i think i hear this. i've been wondering myself if i'm actually happy or just holding my breath.
here's the thing:i think that unless someone really, horrifically hurts you to the point you can't forgive them, etc., you don't ever really stop loving someone. for whatever reason the relationship may not be right or may not work, and you just have to teach yourself, day by day, how to live without them. and you try to make yourself happy because your life and your sanity depend on it. i've been with my current SO for 6 (yes, 6!) years. and i love him. and i can see myself marrying him and spending my life with him. but i also don't believe in "the one." i believe that we can love truly and deeply more than once in our lives, and that someone else can be equally compatible and "right" for us, in different ways. but does life allow us to be with them? not always. do they always feel the same way about us? no. so you keep moving, because even if you feel in your bones it's not done with, or it's not as simple as that, it's not happening. and you can't guarantee it ever will.but in my position, i know i never fell out of love with the boy. i never hated him. i never said, "this is it. i don't love you anymore. get out of my face!" i know that much of my relationship with him since our relationship has been maintained simply because i know i can't have him how i want to, but i'd rather that than live in a world that doesn't have him in it. and if he were to ever need me, or want me, i don't know that i would necessarily choose to be with him. because i do love my boyfriend. but it wouldn't mean nothing to me, either. it would be hard, and it would tug at me, and i would love him back. i think if you ever truly love someone, part of you, tiny or huge, always holds out for them. would always want to be with them if they wanted you or the time was right. but whether the rest of your world allows for it, well, that's a different story.if it's meant to be, you know. and it doesn't mean you sit and wait in loneliness and hope they'll come back. you just have faith that somehow, it'll always be you two. and that's enough.When it's someone you truly love, I think it's best to wait because you could be waiting for what will become the best oppertunity of your life, and you may not have to look further. That being said, if someone truly special comes along in the mean time you should keep your eyes open so you don't miss it. It's just a matter of feeling out people and situations as they come along and being sure that your heart's in the right place.
Right now I'm in the waiting phase. My friend-with-benefits is just that, because we do love each other but we both have issues with timing, finances, and a few emotional hang-ups as well. He owns a house that needs repairs ever 2 seconds and owns 2 cars and doesn't have time for a girlfriend until he's worked enough hours to save the money and catch up on bills. I have debt to pay off so I can get into school and work towards a career. We both had our hearts broken to the point that we're both scared to trust again and time is the only thing that can truly fix it. I get it. I want to be with him, but I get it because I'd rather be able to kiss him and hold him every now and then and wait for what may be a good relationship than rush things for a couple weeks of happiness just to have it all fall apart.
He is the love of my life, and I truly believe that if soul mates exist, he's mine. I do, however, keep my feelings at a bit of a distance so that if things don't work out I can let go and move on, and also so that if by some chance someone even more perfect comes along and he can't get it together that I won't miss out. I worry that I can't see other possibilities because I don't want to see them, but no one has ever made me feel like he does. I can't give that up until I know what we can be, so I'm in it for the long haul.
The point here is that if it's worth it, you should wait; but you really have to confront the emotions you try to avoid in order to figure out what "worth it" means to you.
@PeriwinkleAdonis@xanga - I commend you. I don't know about you, but it's never that easy for me. I don't usually give up. :)
If said person you're waiting for is still part of your life, I think it's harder to move on. I would've never gotten over my "first love" if he didn't up and stop talking to me. I needed it. Unfortunately, I'm still close to my ex-boyfriend (not first love) and he's still in my heart. I've accepted that we'll never be together again, but I can't stop caring for him. Sad part is we ended our relationship because he was still pining for HIS ex, and he never fully devoted himself to me. He's STILL struggling with it. Nasty cycle, eh?
You have to let go of your past love completely to move on, or you need someone really worthwhile to devote all your energy to. If you don't move on, you inadvertently end up waiting. I'm not sure if it's a choice -- it just happens. Waiting for someone is only worthwhile if there really is a chance you'll be together later. Problem is trying to figure out if it IS worthwhile. I don't know. I still don't know if I've actually moved on or not myself.
If it is a conscious effort -- the whole waiting thing -- then it's a risk you're taking. You don't know if there's a future with someone. You never know if the other person'll come around or not. Regardless, you'll learn either way.
Side story -- my mother waited almost 10 years for my dad. They celebrated their 25th last week. Sometimes it does work out in the end. :D
@vixen_with_a_cause@lovelyish - Lol, I think we just said the same thing. So major ditto. :D
@Hermeown@xanga - I'm not one for giving up either, but I know when to cut my losses. There are far too many awesome people in the world for me to let one of them prevent me from getting as close as possible to all the other ones, the ones that haven't left me waiting.
HAH! I DID wait, for about 8 years, more or less. I really liked this one guy, ever since 4th grade. We were in the same class that one year, but then moved apart after that for many years. We kind of reunited through friends in high school, though we were never close at all. But a strange incident caused him to transfer to my school in senior year, we became closer, and got together.
Prior to that, i was heartbroken for a long time, because i thought i had no chance and that he could never like me. I told myself, "good things come to those who wait," but nothing ever happened. Throughout those years i pined for him, while we were going through separate schools, i had to refuse a couple of ask-outs. For some reason, strange guys tended to like me. *cough* anywho. Sometimes dreams can come true. It's been about a year since we hooked up, and we've been through a lot together. <3
i have the same questions.
i try to move on but i think a part of me is always waiting.
I feel it's okay to wait for up to 2-3 years for someone. Anything more is excessive. If you're not absolutely certain that it won't be an agonizingly long wait, then put closure on it; whether both agree or not. Move on. It will end up being healthier for both people. Otherwise I'd consider it safe to wait; but only if both agree.
Let me tell you this from personal experience.
When you find a person that you really love more than anything else, depending on the reason for the waiting, it's almost easy. If you believe while you're waiting that the person you love is happy and doing what it takes to make them happy, you will be happy. The person you love is happy, isn't that what we all strive for? Of course, it can be a bit down and depressing. Waiting doesn't have to be too dreary though, a love interest, long or short term, depending on the waiting period can ease the pain and take your mind off of it. I'm not saying use someone, I'm saying find someone you really love and actually want to be with, but you'll always know that the other person is the one for you. It's okay to have long term relationships that last for years that eventually break off, this 'temporary love interest' could sort of be like that. I'm not promoting dishonesty here, don't get with someone while waiting for the one you really want and tell the current person you intend on marrying them or whatever. Be honest about the future, or lack of in your relationship, nobody wants to get hurt. Best to do this up front, I think.
It just happens, when you know how much you love someone, especially if they love you back but you can't be together for whatever reason yet, or you have to take a break and get back together later for whatever reason, the mutual understand of love can help you through. I'm not kidding, I have no way of explaining this feeling, really. I'm a jealous and over protective person, but I could never deny the man that I love the woman that he wants to be with for a while, especially if we're both in relationships & pretty much just know that someday we'll get back together. You really would have to feel it to believe it. I never thought that could exist. I could love a person, but I could never let go of my jealousy or things like that like I can in this situation. As long as you know for sure that the feeling is mutual and can feel it in your heart and you just know, I think it's okay to play the waiting game. You have to do what you have to do in life, and sometimes your journey might take you away from the person you love for a while, but if it's real, it will always find its way to you.
I just had a breakup with my boyfriend of a year and a half. I can't quite say (yet?) that he's my soul mate... but I can say, my first serious relationship... and it was blissful, yet it came to a bittersweet end.
We both agreed we were too young to know who we were and what we wanted ... and that would cause strain in the relationship. So we decided to let ourselves grow, and just live life and battle our own demons. But we did agree that maybe one day, some day, something better will happen to us. Whethere or not between him and I or someone new.
The break up being just a few days ago, memories and hopes are still fresh... so in this current state, I do believe in waiting for the one (you love).
There is always that one girl/guy that you can never resist no matter how long it has been.
i like The Lake House!!!