My friend's coworker of a few years just asked her out on a date. The thing is she feels no romantic feelings for him, as they've shared their girl/guy issues with each other over the years and he is COMPLETELY, 100% in the friend zone. But when he asked if he could take her out (and he did use the word date) she freaked and said "Sure!" without thinking because she didn't know how to tell him she wasn't feeling him like that. What should she do?
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Comments (21)
Be less of a wuss and not freak out next time
Frankly, tell him that she was caught off guard and doesn't see him that way...
Was that really that hard to think of? What? Did you think there was a magical phrase that fixes these situations?
Well, she can do one of three things:
A) Lead him on
B) Grow some balls of her own and be honest with him.
C) Don't say anything and give him the benefit of the doubt. Going on a date might crush any romantic feelings he has for her, in addition to reaffirming her platonic feelings for him.
Um, tell him. It's not fair to lead someone on.
she should woman up and tell him in person, the date itself is an opportunity where she could tell him. not saying a word just gives out wrong impressions.
She should just go on the date. Who knows, maybe she'll have fun. Romantic relationships grow out of platonic ones frequently. But she should keep it casual, pay for herself, etc. If afterwards she still thinks that it will never lead anywhere, they she should definitely be honest about not wanting to continue a dating relationship. Leading him on is wrong.
If she's repulsed by him that's different - she should just end it immediately, but if he's a good guy and they get along as friends it won't hurt to give it a shot. It's probably going to end up being awkward either way between them for a while so she might as well.
She should think of what she would want a guy to do if things were switched round, and probably do that.
There is no "easy" when someone's heart is on the line, the best you can go for is respectful, honest and gentle.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - I like your option C. It gives them both affirmation.
@tryingtofind_me@xanga - I'm feeling this is probably the best option.
I think he deserves at least a blow job for the head fuck. Who accidentally says yes to a date? My serious advice would be to sit down and be honest BEFORE the date, or risk harming the friendship.
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she needs to get some balls and tell him the truth. that's totally leading him on, the poor guy is going to think it's love after the date.
Go on the date and see how it goes. If she's indifferent, she should just tell him she wants to remain friends. It's as simple as that.
okay, leading someone on rather than telling the truth is always the worst move. your friend should have been completely frank and made it clear that she wasn't interested in him romantically, but if he really wanted to go on the date that'd be fine.
The best way to let someone down is do just be direct and say you're not interested that way. Beating around the bush can lead to misunderstandings and ignoring the person (hoping that they get the hint) can be very hurtful.
@laytexduckie@xanga - i really like your profile picture.
@solidsnake8462@xanga - Thanks. Hahah. I do some traditional lion dancing on the side. This was taken around last summer.
he used the word date and she still saidyes? thats stupid.. if he didnt use the d word she could ave gotten away with i thought we just went out s friends.. i suppose.. =S
@laytexduckie@xanga - Nice. I do too. Where is your group located?
In that case, she should just go on the date, try to have fun, and simply tell him that although she had fun she just didn't feel a romantic connection. It'll hurt, but at least he'll feel that he was worth a shot instead of worth nothing at all. Besides, as these situations go the good friends get through it; it's the friendships that aren't strong enough to begin with that end over things like this. The point being: it's no big loss, and people move on. Just do what you gotta go.
@solidsnake8462@xanga - We're in northern Delaware. Check us out:
http://zhongyiliondance.50webs.org
It's a little old since we haven't updated in a while.
Well, since she agreed to the date, she should go and try and be nice and maybe even have a nice time. But, in the end, when he asks again, she should definitely be truthful. I think at all costs, anyone would rather hear the truth than a lie, and later find out they were being deceived. That hurts more, in my opinion. She could just politely say, hey, you know, you're super nice, but I just feel for you as a friend. She doesn't have to give any more of an explination than that. 'Cause details (you're not tall enough, you're actually a nerd, etc.), that might hurt his feelings and are unecessary.
I recently had to let someone down. We had went out once and it was nice. I did it because he was a really nice guy and it's always nice to have someone to hang out with. But I wasn't interested in him. Honestly, with my history with guys I wasn't expecting him to be that into me either, but apparently he was. After a while he started asking if we could go out again and he began calling it "date #2" and that kind of freaked me out a bit. One because he hadn't called the first time we went out a date and two. Because now that we were back at school our meeting would be somewhere like the Subway on campus. That is *not* a date. I had a lot going on for a while so I would have to say I was buy or cancel for a while and I was opening that my legitimate busy schedule would ward him off but he kept persisting. So finally the last time he was trying to set up this "date" I had to tell him that us hanging out couldn't be a date. I told him that I wasn't interested in dating anyone at the moment which is true, but a lot nicer than the fact that I escpecially don't want to date him. Everyone gets rejected from time to time. I defintely have. And even though I feel a bit bad about what happened with that guy, I don't feel that bad. Because guys don't be feeling bad when they're kicking girls to the curb. And everyone has the right to be uninterested.
@PMFoutofwater - i wish this were the case. i would be entitled to a lifetime's worth of blow js.