Thursday, 04 March 2010
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Friend To SO...Disaster Waiting to Happen?
I'm not saying this happens in ALL relationships, but I've heard a fair few were it does. Two people, whether man and man, man and woman, woman and woman -- if they're friends, it never seems to end well. Even I have jumped off that rocky cliff and dated a couple friends, and strickly in my own opinion, that was a really bad idea.
Then it came to having to tell the other person that I love them, just not in the way they're hoping. I don't know if it's the same for everyone, but that has to be one of the most excruciating things for me to have to tell someone I care about. It is just not fun for either of us. So because of that I've made my own little rule to NEVER EVER date a friend.
I think I have a good reason, but when I'll tell that to someone they insist...very passionately.....that this time will be different. That if we were in a relationship nothing would change and we'd only be closer.... *insert big red X here* I wouldn't ever want to go to someone I dumped or who dumped me to talk about how amazing my new relationship is.
So am I alone here? What are you're views on dating close friends and responses to the ever "this relationship will be different"
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- From: Misty_Rains@xanga
- Name: Misty_Rains
- About Me: I'm a me, i'm a pretty easy going person, at least that's what i'm told. until such time as i go to the spirit realm i'm here to eat, drink and be merry. with a little bit of reality somewhere in the middle.
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Comments (41)
My last SO was my best friend and now we're back to best friends again. For a couple of months there were significant feelings of jealousy on my part when she went on dates with other blokes, but we're back to normal now. And she's looking quite rough at the moment, which helps...
Check out my dating blog: http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
It does seem like a bad idea to date a friend. But if gravity pulls you together after knowing each other quite well, that's usually a great start of an awesome relationship. Otherwise I wouldn't. Otoh, I wouldn't date anyone seriously unless I could get to know her as a friend first. Because a good smooth relationship has such a poor chance of running smoothly if your SO isn't your best friend. Unless a deep prolonged emotional intimacy isn't one of your interests.
My parents were best friends for almost 10 years, then they got married. They celebrated their 25th last week.
I can't date someone I'm not significantly close to. SO's should be friends who you ALSO share a romantic relationship with, not the other way around. (IMHO, of course).
Mmm see I don't get people who usually date people who aren't their friends to begin with. The times I tried dating guys I'd only talked to for a couple weeks, our relationships ended fairly quickly because we just didn't even have good conversations. The relationships started because we were physically attracted to each other and the other person *seemed* funny and interesting, but after a while we just realized that our conversations were superficial, boring, and awkward.
On the other hand, I became best friends with a guy for several months before I started dating him. We had an amazing connection, and dating him was even better than being best friends with him. That relationship lasted three years.
I just feel like it's better to be friends at first to see if you have a great connection as friends, and then see if you're both attracted to each other. It's less likely that two people who are attracted to each other will eventually form a great connection.
I can't imagine dating a close friend. For me, it'd be like turning apples into oranges.
Plus there's so many other options available; I'd think that best friends would be way down that list of potential SO's. >.>
if you have a really close friend, and you both have romantic feelings about each other, then i believe that would be the best match. especially cuz you'll know everything about each other and be extremely comfortable...
the main condition tho, imo, would be both parties to be really into each other, the guy more so if anything.
Well dating a friend is like testing yourself actually. How well you know the reson, will that person fail you and you will change your thoughts about him/her. From my own experiences dating friends for people who don't know themselves and their friends (as much as they think they do) is clearly bad idea, its a fail from the start. But if you trully know a person and if you naturaly atracted to him/her there shouldn't be any exuses for you not to be with him, expecially if he/she's your friend.
Ow one thing more, if you do involve in relationship where friendship took matter first, when you're together do not neglect that friendship part, preserve it, cuse when you split with that person for some reason (depense what are the reason, if he/she cheated on you: you clearly didn't know him well as much as you though u did so this part is not really for you which fallows), that person will play a role of a friend - also depense from both people how they react without having stupid exuses like: Forget your ex, don't come near CUSE you're too afraid to addmit it that you still care for him/her - you must understand no matter whats the relationship and how it ends you can't deny time, feelings and actions you shared and even now i think on my ex boyfriends and friends and i care for them still altho they're not perfect, neither am i, so who really am i to judge anyone?
I think you don't lose a friend if you go in relationship with him, you just boost it to maximum level, and depense from you two how long u can hold the tempo~.Its great experience, can end bad, good, its worthy if you have someone that will give you same feelings back, don't let: "Let's be only friends." you 2 appart. Until you don't try it you don't realise how great it was.
Twink twink~ :D
I dated my best friend for a few months, and then I broke up with him, and we're still friends. Things were a little awkward at first, but you shouldn't avoid someone just because you like them and they're your friend.
Coming from someone thats has only had relationships with friends, I hate to incorporate dumb logic:
If you start a relationship with someone who isn't a friend, then you probably don't know the someone that well. THAT means right from the beginning you try to get to know someone immediately with romantic intentions already in place.
To me that seems like so much could go wrong as well as seemingly that it would be mainly-based on physical attraction to start. Look at it from a guy's point-of-view (who is expected to make the first move) where I just have the girl's looks and maybe one or more conversations to convince myself to pursue her. I don't think I could go for a girl without knowing her fairly well already.
I'm dating my best friend. I knew him for about two and a half years before we got together, and while I've only been dating him since the beginning of January (officially...more like middle of December in actuality), we have the strongest connection I've ever felt and I know he's "the one." One of those "you just know" kind of things.
Anyway,
I don't think it works for everyone, because nothing works for everyone. But it definitely is working for me.
I can't date close friends, but I will date friends. At least, I'd hope you were friends with me before we dated...I suppose acquaintances are alright but for me, either the initial attraction is there or it isn't. :-/
I'm dating my best friend. It's awesome. Aside from issues of my own I need to work on (I'm clingy and needy...yeah, hate it). 5 years of friendship, 1.5 years of dating. It's great to have the best friend connection and the emotional love connection too. <3
It definitely doesn't work for everyone. I have two friends who have been best friends for 6 years, but would never date each other.
Of my two exes, the first became my best friend while we were dating, and we're still great friends now. The second one, I didn't know that well, and now we're merely acquaintances.
I think dating close friends is possible, both parties just have to be willing to stay close (though probably not until after a separation period) if things don't work out.
I'm dating one of my close friends, and we both feared that a relationship would kill the friendship. That's probably why we took things so slow in the beginning. However, I love that we have that foundation, and it's great that our families are also close (our little sisters are best friends) and that we have so much shared background to keep us together. So, yes, there's always that risk, but when it works out, friends can make great lovers.
My last SO was my best friend. We were together for two years, and while things ended, we're still friends. If it's what the people in the situation really want, it's possible to be friends again. I wouldn't take back any second of the time we spent as a couple. It was incredible. I think it can work out with the right people.
I think it can very easily go madly, madly wrong.
Other than the fact I have very few close guy friends to begin with, I could never date someone I considered an extremely close or best friend.
All of my relationships have been with people that I spent some time (at least a month, usually 3-6 months) getting to know, but without placing them in the friend category. Once a guy is in the friend category for me, I have extreme difficulty pulling them out of that category. There have maybe been 2 or 3 guy friends in my entire life that I've considered dating, and only 1 of them has been someone I've classified as a best friend.
I think it's because I feel uncomfortable being intimate with someone who potentially knows me better than myself.
Well, my husband and I were friends for a year before we started dating. Then we got engaged 6 weeks later. We've been married for nearly 6 years now. :)
Thanks for the opinions ^.^.
i'm not so much against the idea of dating a friend...i'm against the idea of dating someone i've knowm my whole life and never once thought of as a romantic other half. it's just wierd telling someone u don't feel the same way after they mean that much :P
Omg! I'm in this situation right now. My best guy friend of 4 years dated for 2 months. We just ended it about 2 days ago, but we're still friends. We're going shopping on Saturday and he said I'll always be that one special girl. However, he had stronger emotions/feelings for me than I did for him. I still love him as a friend and I like it better--no pressure.
married my best friend, never more in love
idk me and my one best friend had some like crazy forces that brought us together even after college and through other relationships and crap- i used to SAY that i only thought of him as a friend, over and over, but i mean really. this is what it is. we were friends for 5-6 years, been dating almost 2 now.
once on person has put the other into the solid "'friend zone" dont go there.. my experiance is youll break up kinda remain friends but as soon as you date someone else you have become enemy number one on their hitlist
I tried dating my best guy friend for a little and.. it's been rough trying to be friends again, to the point where we're arguing constantly and it feels like it's not worth it to try to make it as friends anymore. We're still working on it, but.. it's hard sometimes. Really hard. But I guess we both want to be friends enough to suffer through it. It's getting there!
After this experience, I'd say that personally, i'd never want to date someone who i'm super close to again. It hurts more to lose that friendship than anything else.
Dating a friend sounds like something that could be REALLY FANTASTIC or the BIGGEST REGRET EVER. I've wrestled with that before, like, "omg there's no getting to know them period," because all of a sudden you're immediately in this serious relationship because they already know everything about you. But then at the same time, there's that reassurance because they've already seen all your crazy beforehand and still like you so much that they would risk losing a good friendship for the chance at a great relationship.