Hm I think happy fat is okay to a certain extent. It's very reasonable. During the flirting phase of my last relationship when I had no idea of the guy liked me back, I was SO self-conscious around him that I could barely eat around him. He's in my group of friends, so we always ate dinner together with the group, but I would pick at the veggies on my plate and not even feel hungry. I went from 140 lbs to 129 lbs in two weeks just because I was so infatuated with him and scared that I wasn't attractive enough for him.

During our relationship he honestly thought I was so fucking hot, though. He would just look at my body because it turned him on just to do that. He thought I was gorgeous, and this really made me feel good about myself. I no longer felt like a cow like I previously did. I gained about 6 lbs back about two months into our relationship, though, because I no longer felt like a couple pounds would make me look horrible and disgusting..

but you make it sound like they gain about twenty or thirty pounds...how the hell do you do that?!

Guys are the same way though.

While I compleeeetely agree with you, 120% on this, you have to admit that frozencherries is kinda right, too.

I have known plenty of women and girls that get comfortable into a relationship and end up gaining a few pounds, and sometimes even more. I would imagine that it's a possibility for these women to feel as though they don't have to impress their significant other any longer once they feel that they have a trusting, committed relationship on both ends. A lot of the time though it seems as though women go out to eat more often with their significant other than they would if they were single, which could definitely contribute to weight gain. It happens, but I rather stay looking good for my special someone. I like it when a guy is able to get turned on looking at me, and I love looking good for myself and I enjoy keeping myself healthy. 

Do they lose weight after the relationship ends? Then it's you.

This is bullshit. Not everyone does this, and if they have to keep their bodies a certain way unnaturally then it shouldn't take a boost of confidence like a relationship to make them feel comfortable enough to eat. I have been in a relationship for 2+ years and I want to keep my body and myself healthy, and attractive for him. I get concerned and uncomfortable when I gain weight because I want nothing more than to be 'perfect' for him all the time. And he only wants me to be happy, and he actually would like me to gain some weight healthily because I tend to get too thin.
Love should not be an excuse to be unhealthy.

Well, if you care about a person and something the person is doing is affecting your intimacy, then you should address it. Personally, my guy of 5 years has been crazy about my body at a variety of weights, he says it's because of how I'm shaped and he honestly doesn't notice the weight-gain..  So I don't know. He packed on a few pounds too, and I noticed, but it becomes less noticeable while I'm with him and when you're with someone you truly love and they haven't gained enough weight where it gets in the way of things, it kinda gets swept under the rug and intimacy ensues. Now, he wasn't happy with his weight and he had insecurities about it, but I kept loving him anyway and gave him the space he needed to get through what he was getting through and evetually he lost weight. He lost weight and intimacy sky-rocketed.  I think its important to address issues like this when it comes up with someone you love. I love my boyfriend, but if he started to walk around in hobo-ish clothing, I would bring it up to him because it comes from a place of conceern that he isn't taking care of himself or respecting himself. As for weight gain.. well lets be honest , beauty is subjective. My guy has a line to cross of what he thinks is too big for him to find attractive, but that varies with shape - that isn't to say that he didn't voice his concern when I found myself in a depressive state at one point and eating, and becoming more clingy b/c my self-esteem took a negative dip.. he did voice it, and I listened to him and I stopped talking about myself in a negative tone and worked on getting over my insecurities and losing weight. It was a very touchy subject, but we're so close as is and I understood his standpoint came from not a you-should-make-me-happy way, but more of a do-this-soyou-are-happy way b/c it only follows that if I'm happy, I will be a better person to be with. He addressed that my insecurities only pushed him away and he still found me attractive but for me to hate myselfand then engage in unhealthy behaviors out of self-loathing, and not accept his love to me, only made me push him away. When he explained all that, I realized that I was being egocentric even if it was negative.. I stopped doing maladaptive things and started to do what was good for me and consequently the relationship. While I am trying to lose some weight right now aside from what I already lost, me lworking on building my confidence only helps the relationship as a whole. If he had approached me and told me that I was turning him off simply because I gained a few lbs that wasn't due to self-looathing but due to something else like maybe just general stress in life, then I would have told him to eff off because my life and body doesNOT revolve around my SO and for him to not understand the why I may have gained that weight and not be understanding would suggest we didn't have as strong of a connection as I thought we did. That didn't happen however. (There's a reason we've been together for 5 years straight without having any real fights or breaking up.. even our small fights have been more out of frustration, if we didn't care there wouldn't be fights). 

The point I'm trying to make by saying all that is that there is the idealized version of your significant other and there is your significant other. If there is a big disparity between the two that can't merge or work together, then the relationship can't work. If you focus on the weight gain and your intimacy levels rest on pure physical aspects of the person rather than.. I don't know.. those spur-of-the-moment-OMG-we-belong-together sort of moments that really do arise from more than the physical aspect, as you already know, it may not be there. Life is not static, and if you can't adjust to that with your SO, then it may not work. We all go through changes in life and shit happens, I didn't leave my SO when his financial aid failed n he couldn't go back to school for a while (I say this because education and intellectual pursuit is one of great value to both of us, outside of the classroom and in it).. I supported him. So when your SO gains weight, you have to examine the best way to go about it. You can't demand perfection from someone all the time, it isn't your SO's responsibility to MAKE you happy - but if you can articulate concern to your SO in a loving and understanding manner, and you TRULY do come from a place of love, your SO should understand and take steps to 

 address the causation and listen because that person WANTS to make it work.If I was with someone who couldn't understand the complexities of the drama that went on in my life, especially family life, there's no way we could be together and no way love could truly develop because that basic understanding is not there. But yeah, I mean.. the same can be said about a variety of things in a relationshjip.. the physical realm is only one part - so you can imagine that two people that have a relationship based on the physical realm aren't exactly in love.. just saying. Triangular Theory of Love goes more in depth with thi s (google it).  L 

@DeadXTendencies@xanga - It happens a lot though. Maybe you're self motivated but you gotta admit, most people aren't. And no offense, but by your profile pic and such (without creeping on your blog to check the validity of this) you 'appear' to be weight-oriented and that picture could be considered thinspo. So it wouldn't happen to you. *shrugs* Just my opinion though. Not trying to be judgemental here, it was simply a first impression.

Do you really love the person you're with? If so, then why are you so bothered by her looks? I thought true love goes beyond the superficial.

In my last relationship, my ex-boyfriend got way too comfortable farting. Like, waaaay too comfortable. Just farting non-stop. It was amazing he didn't rocket to the moon. Trusting someone with your imperfections is not just a female thing.

That example aside, it sounds like you've been in some seriously unhealthy relationships, and the problem is you. If you're going to dedicate yourself to someone, you need to dedicate yourself to everything about who they really are. And if your affections wane from *pudge,* then those attractions really shouldn't be resulting in any sort of dedication, especially if the women you're with believe that you actually love them. And I feel sorry for the women you do that to.

There's more to life and relationships than constantly worrying about diet and exercise and picking the right underwear.
No wonder so many women are cripplingly insecure and have unhealthy body images.

i know people like this, namely my best friend, and i really don't understand it. i mean, it makes sense in theory, but i'm the complete opposite of this. when i'm with a guy, they become my main reason to look good. i spend more time working out, grooming myself, choosing outfits and underwear that will appeal to him, etc. basically when i'm interested in a guy, they become my motivation to look as good as possible. even when it gets to the point where i'm comfortable with him, i still want to look good for him! it's actually when i'm not interested in someone or in a relationship that i let myself go, simply because i have less motivation.

I hear you on this.  I let this happen to myself once when I was with this guy for almost 3 years.  We both realized it and he helped me get back into shape.  He suggested we start jogging together and things like that.  It really worked and my self-esteem was very boosted at the end.  He never pushed anything, but he knew it would make me happier too, and he always said he'd love me either way.

i have been in the situation of your girlfriends. the clingy downward spiral is really vicious. in my case, it wasn't because i took him for granted, or because i was happy, but because the relationship was not satisfying and i ate to fill the hole in my soul. he didn't commit enough, and i didn't want to admit it. the moment i realized this and broke up with him, i instantly became happier and the weight came right back off.