Tuesday, 02 March 2010
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Reasons Why I Should Be Single
Before I began college, I thought to myself that relationships were a huge no-no and that I was going to enjoy as many dates as I can. Well, 14 or 15 or whatever under my buckle and I am cruising along fine. Yes, there are times where I wish I was with someone. Yet here I am writing this to remind myself why the hell I don't want to be in a relationship.
1) Exhausted from commitment. I spent almost all of my high school career with one guy. And the relationship moved way too fast and way too deep. All that time and energy was devoured by a love-hungry male. Don't get me wrong, if commitment is your thing then (e)props to you, but my relationship was way too serious for a pair of high schoolers. I didn't study as well as I should've, I didn't paint, play the violin, or play tennis, which are all things I am passionate about. I didn't grow as much as I should've. Sure, I grew in numerous ways, but as an independent person I did not. I can only really blame myself, but I did learn numerous things through the relationships. However, when the relationship ended, it was time to shift my attention from my significant other to myself.2) The desire to rebuild myself. Who am I and where am I going? These are questions that will be left a mystery to all of us. They are the questions that everybody ponders at more than one point in their lives. But seriously, who am I? What does my personality entail? What are my favorite movies? Favorite bands? Weekend hobbies? My favorite book? My favorite show? My stance on our government and economy? 2/3 of those questions I can answer, automatically. But those answers are not really me. They are parallel to the answers given by the person I was in love with. I know only so much through that person's eyes. I have surely, not even begun to experience the world on my own. And the rest of those questions, I can only draw the whitest blanks because I have no answer at all. I admire some of my friends who are confident in who they are. Admiration laced with underlying tones of immense envy. They have passions and interests that define them and make their personality. I described myself a year ago as a "waste of a person" and have been desperately trying to rebuild myself since. Renew myself in countless ways. I think I'm getting somewhere. I hope I'm getting somewhere.
3) To learn independence. Another reason is that I am only twenty. TWENTY? I don't want to get serious or married until later. Plenty of time to date and have some fun, right? Kids? What are those? As I mentioned before, all throughout high school I was in a relationship. I started fearing that since I was young and if I didn't break free from relationships that I would never be able to learn the meaning of independence. I want to know how it feels to deal with pain and stress alone. It sounds scary. I'm sure I'll regret saying this when I'm going through hardships and whatnot, but I truly believe that that's how a person learns a certain kind of independence. And to miss that opportunity would be a shame.
When the right guy comes along, I'll be ready. But for now I'm enjoying this time to myself.
Why do you choose to be single?
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- From: starbecks
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Comments (51)
Basically for the same reasons you stated, but slightly different. I also had a serious relationship at one point and I always felt the conflict of choosing us over choosing me. I have pretty much been single for a couple years now. It's awesome! Being with someone is the biggest distraction of all and, hopefully, down the line, I'll be able to have read all the books I want, had become a way better artist, and have a career that's got my hard work in it.... and eventually, still get married, too :)
I am single because RELATIONSHIPS STEAL YOOUR SOUUULLLLLL
being single or being in a relationship....they both have their goods and bads.
@avantsaarsgard@xanga - lol your weeirrddd. just joking ! =]
I was in the same boat. Here I am after a year of being single, and I love it! I realized after a while with my ex that I didn't know what I liked, I never knew what I wanted because I was just used to not getting it, and that in our relationship I always gave up EVERYTHING. I'm happy being single. I have a kid, so I already have to live my life for two. I don't need to add a third. I'm happier by myself. I have friends, hopes, dreams, aspirations, hobbies, and a life in general! :)
I also have been thinking that I may just not be the relationship type. I have an amazingly hard time relating to other people even on basic levels.
I don't think it's necessary for anyone to HAVE to be in committed relationships their whole lives. You can be happy and independent from casual relationships, and then down the road, when you're ready, settle down
:)
I really liked this post
1. I like to do what I want, when I want, how I want. It may be selfish, but I am ok with that after having to compromise for too long.
2. I don't trust men.
I think those are all incredibly valid reasons, and ones I can relate to in my current situation. You totally just boosted my mood with this blog :)
@avantsaarsgard@xanga - Agreed.
@tsstrongsoll@xanga - I don't trust women. They eat my heart. :(
good.
A.) There's a lot more to life than finding a life partner.
B.) It's so hard to find another who share my principles involving Egalitarianism and tradition breaking. Might even consider an asexual relationship.
i want to NOT be single. but i get the independence part. besides, learn to love yourself before getting into a relationship
What is going on with all this people making lists of reasons of why they want or dont want a relationship?? If they meet their love of their life right now they wont even remember what they wrote on their f-ing list
It was awful when I lost my ex, but at the same time, it was one of the best things that happened to me. Now I more time for my career and hobbies. The typical relationship is not for me. I know that now. I only wish I realized this earlier because I wasted a lot of time.
I'm [not single, but] all for independence and individuality in a relationship / singlehood. As for the commitment, it can be a burden if you're being smothered, but if everything is balanced, commitment is easy and fun. I also dated someone for two years in high school - same scenario, my grades fluctuated and I completely lost myself - but that ended luckily. Now I'm with my guy over two years, and it's going great. We don't smother each other, and while we are "an us", we also know how to be just you and me individually.
i'm currently not single but when i was, it was because i wanted to be and it felt good to be able to make my own decisions without thinking about another person.
I choose to be single, for now, because I'm at a very strange place in my life and I don't want to have to take care of one more person.
ive been single for mostly the same reasons as you. i too had a serious relationship from 9th until senior year of high school, and then i started another serious relationship not long after. the second one, i actually thought i was going to marry him, until he broke up with me for someone else. and stillll for the past 2 years we talk for a few months, then dont. after being broken up with by someone i depended on a lot, i knew i needed to build up my own character, i needed to find the person i want to be. now, imhappy by myself mostly, and i also feel like theres enough time in my life for relationships, but college is a time for meeting new people and learning a lot and learning about myself. i agree with everything you said!
I can barely handle myself!
I'll just keep the fish on the line.. and attempt reeling him in once I've found the strength to do so, or else I'd be reeling myself into the waters.. and drown. So time will tell if he's still hooked, if he hasn't gone off for another bait.
Hm.. what a brilliant idea! I'll make a comic strip out of this. lol
i dont have the time i have to sort out a bunch of stuff, i would think that someone would think that was important, but this guy was telling me i should make time, well i freakin did and it didnt work out
This is AWESOME! And being single like this will only make your more attractive to guys, and a better girlfriend once you decide you do want a relationship. Taking the time to know yourself, develop your interests, and grow independently is extremely important, and not everyone takes the time to do that. It's empowering, liberating, will grow your self-confidence, and introduce you to tons of friends. AWESOME!
i like this. good for you. i learned to be independent before my first relationship (and to some extent during it, and the next one, due to some very unfortunate circumstances), so i'm grateful for that. but at the same time, i've been trying to stay away from relationships every time i get out of one, and i still haven't managed to break free. it's like the safety net i always fall back into. i applaud you for doing so well.
this is really good. i think that is a problem with most uber-young serious relationships. i mean, one day you'll find a relationship where you can be you and still be with someone else. but i mean, this is still a really good post: it is really important to learn yourself for a while. i am currently enjoying a longer-distance relationship with my bf: freedom + lovin. my youth i spent single- i used to be sad about it but now i realize how much stronger i have become because of it.
when my ex and i first broke up, i spent the first few years single for the same reasons as you - at this point, i think im happy with the person I am, but just haven't found that someone yet. there's also something liberating about being responsible for your own happiness and/or sadness...when i was with my exes, i hated how their behavior had such a control over my emotions - i would say being single is an awesome time for soul searching - because before you love someone, you need to learn how to love yourself, and really, figure out who you are first which i think is what you're doing, so kudos =)
I was with my ex for two and half years, from the ages of 15 - 18. I'm 19 now, and a big part of me hates being single, but a big part of me is getting used to it, and at some stage I may start loving it.
I felt stifled by my ex-boyfriend. Sometimes I had to pretend to have a different opinion because he didn't agree. And yes, he taught me a lot, but some of those things I want to and have to figure out on my own. Part of moving out has made me want to start running to my parents or my ex-boyfriends for help. Like the other day, I was having issues with my bank cards and I rang up and sorted it out. I have to because I am now an adult, but usually I would run to my parents for advice and occasionally they'd do it for me.
I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy not having to text a specific person all the time, or call them. I enjoy not having to chat to them at certain points of the day. I enjoy not being depended on the same way. I enjoy not having to worry about where I go out, or who I go out with. I've always been too independent for that, even before my ex-boyfriend, as my parents are really liberal. He was stricter with me then they ever were. I also got scared because things got so heavy, and so serious, so fast, and I couldn't handle it. I was too young for that. So yes, I totally understand where you're coming from :).
Well being single and being with someone has it's pro's and con's.
I am not single because I want to be, it's because I haven't found someone that would accept me the way I am.