I am currently in a relationship.
I didn't plan to be in one the freshman year of high school, but I was getting so sick of the boys drama and there he was, perfect timing. He rescued me from the chaos. The creeps stopped creeping once our Facebook relationship status came up. This guy is just the cutest & sweetest guy to be with and I love his friends. Maybe I'm starting to really fall in love, to be everything he wants because I can't believe someone so genuine could be in love with me. Every girl's dream come true?
Yes, it's a dream, but it's not my reality.
I haven't seen him all of break... but you know who I saw? My mutual ex from forever ago. Both bored out of my mind, we decided to go out this last night. It was just so chill blasting trippy music through dark winding roads for hours. Then I stayed over his place because I couldn't sneak into the house at 3 in the morning. We cuddled together into bed and... We were so used to it, we were so comfortable with each other, it was like the old times again; we kissed. Like, a lot. And fell asleep in each other's arms.
Thinking back to it, I always shared everyone else's hate for cheaters. But now I'm one of the condemned... I'm so confused because I only feel a slight pang of guilt, I don't regret last night.
What's going on with me?
Recommend
Comments (89)
I can only feel sorry for your current boyfriend... I think you should tell him. He deserves to know.
You must not understand how much a blessing it is to have someone who is committed to you and loves you.
I heard somewhere that sometimes you have to go through hell to get a glimpse of heaven... and if you could do something like that so easily, then you likely have far to go.
I'm not judging you. You are free to do as you please, and I sure have made some huge mistakes. I'm just warning you that karma is indeed a powerful thing... and it is not too distant a possibility that one day you may be fully devoted and in love with someone who "would never" who would.
As you know in your heart, maybe you don't regret it but you still know it's wrong. Uncomfortable and bad as it may be, your best course of action is 'fess up to your current boyfriend. Maybe it was because in the heat of things and possibly of the familiarity that isn't quite there yet in your current relationship, you did what you did and don't regret it.
I cheated before on my current man, because he made me feel unloved and un-special at one point in our relationship for quite a while, I hadn't learned to communicate my feelings yet at that time, so I simply retaliated by being with guys who would make me feel cherished and special.
Your current boyfriend deserves better than that. That's pretty effed up.
You need to decide what you want and then be full and open with the losing male. You're not the first person to cheat and you won't be the last. And it's not as if you're married. But you shouldn't make a habit of it because integrity is a dying trait.
Check out my dating blog: http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
@HollowTendencies@xanga - Agreed. Sounds like you were never truly over your ex.
You only deserve a chance at staying with your current boyfriend if you feel horribly guilty, and you should.
But you obviously don't care about his feelings enough. Do the right thing and tell him and let him be with someone he deserves to be with.
I actually understand where you're coming from. Your actions were selfish and hurtful to your boyfriend, but that doesn't mean they were the wrong actions for you to take, and it's not wrong for you to not regret them. But it should open your eyes and tell you something.
Clearly you aren't as into your boyfriend as you thought. If you can have these feelings for someone, or if you can do this without feeling guilt, then you aren't ready for this relationship with this boy who is so clearly and exclusively into you. And this isn't me judging you or attacking you because I've been in this situation. I just have enough distance from it now to understand that just because I don't regret it doesn't mean it was okay, and that the boy deserved better. You deserve better. You both deserve to be in a relationship where you don't even want to cheat. Now let each other go so you can both find that.
i want all of these self-righteous people to fall in love, get their heart broken and still be in love with that person, and have the chance to be with them - once they're found somebody else. somebody who they love, but aren't in love with.
it's funny how many things you'd do, that you never thought you would...
@andsoshewrites@xanga - No. No. No.
Everyone falls in love. Everyone has their heart broken. How you act afterwards is all up to you. Cheating is cheating, regardless of feelings. It's funny? It's pathetic, it's fucking disgusting.
I am tired of peoples shit and their excuses to justify the things they do.
Seems like you don't have the strongest feelings for your current boyfriend. Nothing you can do about that. But do be gentle and don't lead him on if you don't.
Ahem. Well. I have cheated before, so I won't pretend to be perfect. But that part of my life stopped about 3 years ago, I've grown up now and actually care and think about other people's feelings.
The fact that you said you don't regret what you did- means u need to tell your boyfriend. Don't just simply break-up with him. If u still want him, tell him, ask for forgiveness, and let him make the decision. Do not under any circumstances hide this from him. It's unfair. So completely unfair. I know this from experience. Also, though u don't consider cheating to be something that is "you"- you should probably be on the lookout for it being a pattern. Do it once? Might do it again. Especailly since I'm sensing a lack of guilt. Which I think is gross considering you have a perfectly lovely boyfriend whom most girls would love to have. Don't apprecaite him? Give him to someone else, let him find someone else. Don't apprecaite him? Ha. One day you will when someone cheats on you as well- and then decides to not even feel guilty or wrong for doing it to you.
Good luck. And tell ur boyfriend.
-sara
I wouldn't worry about it he's probably diddling someone too. You're both young and stupid (not a bad thing) have fun don't hold yourself accountable to anything right now. You are not a bad person for a single transgression. I think maybe you are not in "l-word" with guy #1.
Freshman in high school. Not that I'm an old man or anything, but Hahahahaha.
Freshman year and you're already ho'ing around. Good work. You should have a lot of practice by the time college comes.
Though you really should tell your boyfriend. I mean, it's fucking freshman year of high school and if this guy is that great, he'll find someone to fill your shoes real quick. By the time you guys are juniors, it'll blow over and he'll probably be cordial towards you... or at least won't scowl and call you a whore or bitch.
Truth sucks, but you're the criminal here. Fess up. Besides, being in a relationship throughout high school is kind of boring. Wish I had gotten out of my shell earlier and dated around more instead of being on lockdown.
I know how you feel, I was commited to a boyfriend for 2 years, and then I started hanging out platonically more and more with one guy friend of mine who is attractive. We started to develop feelings for one another, and a lot of Captain Morgan later one night, we ended up kissing a lot a lot.
I know the feeling, I hate cheaters as well. But doing it makes you sympathize a bit. I'd tell your boyfriend, but explain to him that you still care. My indiscretion made me appreciate my ex a LOT more, unfortunately he isn't coming back to me as far as I'm concerned but it madde me appreciate his love. If you have any questions feel free to message me
I don't approve of cheating, but I can see where you're coming from. However, I really do think that you need to talk to your boyfriend about it and come completely clean. It'll hurt, I'm not gonna lie. But if you felt no regret about spending the night with your ex -- Then you never really were over him (not too sure why the two of you broke up in the first place since you both seemed pretty comfortable with each other). I think you should figure out where your heart belongs and then talk to both guys to see how they both feel. Obviously they both care for you and you care for both. But who do you care for more than the other? I hope it works out for you as I am not gonna judge you. (=
I'd take it as an indication that you should leave you current relationship, because something must be missing for you to cheat on your current bf with so little guilt. I think both of you deserve someone better, or should I say more suitable.
honestly, i wouldn't know what's going on with you, my best guess would be you're just not that into your current bf and you probably still have feelings for your ex. either that you're probably not getting the love you want.
you have to decide for yourself, what you want to do now. certainly, you might get judged poorly by your peers if you fess up everything. so if you decide to fess up, figure out what you want to say and how you want to say to lessen the impact.
yea uhm.....
*sigh* if i found out my gf had kissed her ex and cuddled in bed, i would be devastated. like it would kill me.
so hey, if you keep doing this, break up with your current boyfriend. if he finds out by other means, it will be worse. if you tell him it will be better =\
Anyone can cheat. Yes, even all you people on this comment board saying stuff like, "I could never cheat if I loved the guy." I personally have never cheated (better get that out of the way first before I get accused later on), but I have felt the temptation and such. But it's always possible for a person to cheat.
Here's the deal. When people think about the actions of others, they over estimate the influence of personality and ignore the influence of the situation. So when you say you cheated, you become a cheater and you must be a bad person. It's easier for people to put labels on you than to assume you're a good person who made a mistake. Yes, there are people out there that cheat all the time, and it's basically ingrained into their personality, but not every person who cheats is heartless and people who cheat can still care about their SO. So a person who cheats shouldn't necessarily just have to leave their relationship just because they did it, like a very large amount of people commenting are saying. Some people make mistakes, and people deserve a second chance. The fact that she cheated doesn't say anything about whether or not she loves her SO enough, but it speaks volumes about her feelings for her ex.
Anyway, now onto some real advice. You made a mistake. It happens. But now you know that you shouldn't hang out with this ex alone while you're in a relationship. Obviously there are some unresolved feelings there. I judge the character of a person not by the mistakes they make, but how they use those mistakes and learn from them. You know your mistake, now do what is right.
Monogamy is unnatural, ol' chap. Don't be ashamed. We're only human, we can't suppress ALL of our urges...
If my boyfriend did what you did to your boyfriend, I'd drop him like it's hot. seriously. Yeah, you were bored, but lack self-control. I feel sorry for your boyfriend.
ouch.)= horrible deed...sounds like you don't regret it. Just break up with him. don't tell him about it if you think he's going to be devastated. Good Luck. u only 13 or 14 or 15 its not big deal.
@andsoshewrites@xanga - I guess I could fall into that category of "self righteous" except I fell in love with someone, got my heart broken, was still in love for years....but I didn't look back. Instead of looking back I focused on moving forward. He plagued my dreams but I moved forward. I woke up looking for him but I pushed forward. Yea, I did some things I wouldn't normally do, but they were things that didn't hurt anyone. I didn't drag some innocent third party into my dirt. When I got over him is when I got in a new relationship. Plenty of ppl get their heart broken and do not cheat.
Feelings don't justify actions, people need to understand that. Lots of people have the same feelings but some react better than others. You can crack or overcome.
Lol it's obvious. You don't want to be in a relationship. If you were in a relationship where you really cared, you wouldn't have been so quick to get intimate with your old flame, and you would feel more than a pang of guilt.
Talk to your boyfriend and break up, stop stringing this guy along.