A 19 year old girl, working at a local drive-thru burger joint in Bristol, VA, handed a couple burgers and a milkshake to a car full of awaiting customers. She was wearing the normal attire of the modern 19 year old girl: a pair of boots, some tight jeans, a zebra print shirt and zipped up black jacket over the top. She also wore a lip ring and dark-eye make up. As she handed the food to the driver, a lady from the back seat reached up and handed her a flier. The woman told her, "you make men want to be sinful."
After the car drove away, the server brought the leaflet inside and took a look at it with her mother. The main idea of the paper was that, the sins of men are partially the fault of women. That if you are dressed in a provocative manner, that you are tempting the unholy lust of a man and thus you are a participant in the sin. The leaflet heavily concluded: "
By the way, some rape victims would not have been raped if they had dressed properly. So can we really say they were innocent victims?"Obviously this religious fundamentalist is completely out of line. Handing out fliers with such accusatory and hurtful statements is unacceptable, but it brings up an interesting question. Let's try and bring this down to a dating level...
Say you are going out to a club. You want to look good, and a lot of times for women, this means dressing with a bit of provocative spice. Although all people should be accountable for controlling their impulses and feelings, it is an unfortunate truth that the more provocatively women are dressed, the more negative attention they are bound to attract.
How much of the blame should be placed on the scantily dressed woman in the case of sexual harassment? What is the best way to dress fun and sexy without encountering too much trouble?
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Comments (387)
Speaking as a rape survivor, that is fucking bullshit. "Unholy lust of men", do they even know what they are talking about? Rape isn't about lust or attraction. Rape is about power, control, and the humiliation of the victim. Besides, when were men not accountable for their actions?
Of course rape victims are innocent. No one can ask to be raped. The idea in itself makes no sense.
None of the blame should be lay on the woman who is dressing scantily.
There are certain consequences that women should expect when dressing provocatively such as getting hit on by guys and stares, etc, but crossing the line into rape is absolutely unacceptable.
Even if a girl was walking around completely naked, no person has the right to force that person into having sex with them.
Simple, just don't live under the Taliban. Though it's hard with fundamentalist Christians trying to edge our country in that direction.
It's certainly about control. Not just with the people who commit the rape, but somewhat of the victim themselves. But if you think about it, is it really the victim's fault that there happened to be a rapist on the same path they usually take that one night? Is it the victim's fault they only wanted to have a good time with some friends, but instead was taken advantage of? There are preventive measures that anyone can take to lower the risk, but alas, it can still happen.
There are a few tips that someone passed around by email about how to avoid being rape. The main one I remember is that you have to put up a fight. Rapists like an easy target and if you're going to give the rapist a hard time (hitting the rapist, resisting forcefully, gauging the eyes, etc.), they'll run off.
Ridiculous.
i would say it's not the victim's fault, but the are definitely certain behaviors or types of clothing that are more likely to get you into that kind of trouble, and i think that in some cases you can at least slim down your chances of getting raped by making sure you act appropriately.
Look, some women dress scanitly and have a "come get me" skirt and "fuck me" pumps. Sometimes they get themselves into an activity such as heavy drinking and drugs that can put themselves at risk of not even being conscious during the act...but the man who thinks he should force his dick in her is the monster.
Well They are entirely innocent in the fact they didn't want this to happen. Rapist are usually people the victims knew (stats wise) so wearing clothing that are attractive wouldn't even matter.
Those flashy-sexy-etc clothing are annoying, because I am not able to look at her direction w/o being called pervert or what not. I am usually not even looking at them. It rise attention (wanted AND unwanted).
I read somewhere once where a rapist said if there were 2 women walking down a street. One in a short dress and heels, another in sweats and a hoodie, he's more likely to rape the one dressed in the sweats. Because the woman dressed in the dress looks to have more confidence.
Rape is about power and control, not how the woman is dressed.
(Please note this may not be true for everyone, but this is just looking at one view out of the whole as there are many different types and reasons in the world.) The way I could look at it, women who dress sexy (which vary in provocative to things that are still tasteful - sexy is a frame of mind) usually have a lot more confidence in themselves = strength. Then you have women who dress less than that, maybe more covered up or trying to blend in with the world, can come across then as = weak. In either case, they can still be a rape victim. One could be for the challenge, and one could be for the ease in getting it.
And think about the children who get molested. Are they asking for it? Should they be blamed for being provocative?
@Fairywife@xanga - Exactly my thought! :) Although either one could still be a victim. :(
speaking as a rape victim, that flyer is complete shit. it has nothing to do with how provocative or scantily someone is dressed. the definition of rape is the fact that it's not consensual sex. when my ex came after me, i was in a hoodie and sweats. that didn't stop him at all. i wasn't sitting there in a bra and tight shorts. rape victims are completely innocent, and whoever that woman was she needs to look at reality. how would she feel if she had someone hold her down and rip at her.
but in the end. no blame should be placed on the victim...no one can make you do anything, and the aggressor chose of his own free will
Well, considering I was nearly raped four years ago and was wearing my unattractive school uniform while walking home, this is full of bullshit.
Honestly, being dressed provocatively doesn't warrant a rape. I actually learned in self-defense class that rapists choose their victims by how weak they look, not how sexy they are.@sexliesandcoffee@xanga - same here
FYI, original poster, thanks for the title. i needed the flashback trigger, thanks.
FUCK people who think that way. i would hope they get raped, just so they'd understand ... but then i cannot wish it on anybody, so instead i hope they enjoy their blissful ignorance.
just better pray they don't come talking to me.
I normally write jokey comments but in this case I just want to say that the idea rape victims take ANY blame is ridiculous. Sorry, but to even ask the question is offensive.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
This is an interesting subject, actually. While I believe that the way we women conduct ourselves does communicate with those viewing us and, as with any form of communication, we are responsible for those portions we can control, there are parts of this "communication" process we cannot control and are thereby not responsible for. In the case of rape, the definition of rape says it all. No means no, end of discussion. I'm sorry if Rapist thought Victim was easy by the way they looked, but just because one does not get what they expected it doesn't mean they can force their way.
Best way to avoid trouble? Be proactive with law enforcement, take the criminals out of society and give them repercussions they're afraid of. Try to travel with those you trust as often as possible to keep yourself out of compromising situations.
Rape is an action that was chosen by the rapist, so for the act itself it is not the victims fault.
Could the women be blamed for causing temptation, sure. But in the end the fault lies on the criminal.
Way to go sensitive topic blogger. You should have known that there is no way you could ever post this and get any response but fuck off. Here is a little different response does anyone deserve rape NO, NO, NO. Are there things that could have been done to prevent it, probably. Does the way a person dress exonerate the rapist Absolutely NOT. Should everyone consider the the consequences of their own actions, yeah. The world is a dangerous place and everyone should carefully consider their location, friends, and attire before venturing out.
Studies have shown that most of the rapist don't even remember how the girl was dressed when he first saw her. It's not lust, it's about power and control!
It is never the victims fault, NEVER!
Anyone who believes rape victims were 'asking for it' in any sort of way are out of there mind!
I get the feeling that the title and the question were added to cause controversy as per usual for an ish site. I want to inform the original poster that it does not matter what the person wears or how they act. Rapist go for women that they feel they can over power. Movies make it seem like the man becomes so overcome with lust from having seen most of a woman's leg that he has to drug or use whatever means necessary to have his way with her. People that think the way the woman with the pamphlet think are sadly misinformed and I hope they never learn that their thinking is ridiculous.
What a load of SHIT.
Most rapists admit that they go after modestly dressed, gentle looking women. You could be wearing a burlap sack, a horny guy will still find a way to fantasize about you. Also, what she was wearing really didn't sound bad at all.
How a woman dresses when going out is her own perogative. She has EVERY right to be in control of her body. No matter how she dresses, it does not give someone else the right to judge her worth or treat her a certain way.
However, the way our society is, there are men out there who cat call and try to grab your ass as you walk by. These dirty perverts are men who don't care about women and believe they have the right objectify them.
Rape victims (and molestation victims as well) are more likely to have these acts commited against them by someone they know and who is trusted, not random strangers. That woman's flier is total crap. I doubt she would feel the same way if it had happened to her. ( not that I wish rape on anyone!)
Rape is about power. Women are raped no matter what they wear. You could wear a garbage bag, jeans and a hoodie, men's clothing, or fancy lingerie. It doesn't matter.
No one asks to be raped. It's never the victim's fault. Honestly, it's insulting that ANYONE thinks that. You can say, "Oh, you shouldn't do this this or this because you're more likely to get raped," but REALLY?! If I fucking want to, I should be able to wear high heels, fish nets, a short skirt and a tank top and walk down the street or even the alley without worrying about being sexually assaulted. I don't care WHAT you do, you NEVER deserve to be raped, nor do you deserve even the tiniest sliver of blame.
Also, I find this insulting to men. Are you saying that men are such weak creatures that they literally cannot control their own actions in the presence of skin, of sexuality, of typical female attire?! Are men so animalistic and so lacking in control? I mean, what's next, you can't ever do anything whatsoever to make a man angry because it's really not his fault if he ends up killing you over it?
Disgusting.
@fauxer12@xanga -
I don't think many of you are really reading the question and answering it head-on.
Scantily clad women at fault? No. But at the sametime, you can't be so naive and innocent to not know that dressing a certain way WILL attract attention and thus will be more likely to be a target.
Also, I don't think women who knowingly go to dangerous areas are really completely innocent.
It's like people who live on the San Andreas fault -- KNOWING there will be an earthquake -- and yet still choose to live there. I remember those Red Cross campaigns for collecting money to help those people. ~_~ Yes, I went off-tangent.
In some ways shit like that degrades men more than women. Men are human beings.. not animals, contrary to popular belief. Human beings are expected to behave. Lust does not override free will to do the right thing.