Sunday, 28 February 2010
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Stalker or Future Lover?
I am one of those guys that don't know the border between them for each specific girl.
Sometimes when I am interested in a girl I call her every night (not every hour).
She comes online I talk to her.
I don't usually appear at their place unless they tell me to. (Given they tell me where they live and welcome to come over)
Appearing at work is a big no-no because of gossip and things unless I am already in a relationship with her.
Writing stories, prose or poems for them as personal gifts.
Taking them out to have fun.With those actions I can get 3 outcomes: Big-Brother type friend (fail), Stalker Status (FAIL x 2) or Relationship(hasn't occurred in many years).
I hate being called a stalker. I am not the one that find your address and start sending roses everyday. I am not the one that reads through your ENTIRE facebook and MEMORIZES it. Hell I don't even have time to memorize all the medications in my pharmacy's stock.
Where does the line start for being a stalker to you?
Girls are confusing!
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About the Author
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- From: chanchina@xanga
- About Me: When I dream, I always dream of you by my side, I always dream of you holding my hand, I always dream of you in arms, I always dream of you... When you are in my dreams, I cherish them, More then my life, I can't bare to you see you hurt, I can't bare to you sad, My image of me in your heart, Is only a veil, To protect myself from you, To protect you from me... But in my dreams, You uncover that veil, You see through all those masks, And you touch my heart... I know in real life, You can still touch my heart, But only as a friend, But as conceited as I am, I want more than that, Each second I spend with you as a friend, Is each second I am turmoil, Over what I want, Over what you need, Over what I cannot give... But I still enjoy that time I am with you, I enjoy listening to your voice, I enjoy seeing you in my mind, In real life you want someone, Which is not me, You want to spend all your time with him, You wish to spend forever and a day, A
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Comments (67)
When he crosses the line of your comfort zone.
None of the things you do sounds stalkerish to me.
Maybe it's just the WAY that you do these things?
OR, maybe the girls just show disinterest but you aren't able to see those signs sooooo they label you as above?
I don't know.
It gets stalkerish for me when a guy constantly talks to me as soon as I sign in.
And msgs me later in the day commenting on how I looked during the day... ON A REGULAR BASIS.
^ True story. -_-
Everybody has their own specific comfort zone. But calling every night when you're just starting to like someone as well as IM-ing every time they get on is stalkerish. If you just made a new friend you wouldn't do that stuff, would you? So don't do it to her.
Also, this part won't work for my little friend analogy, but the poems/prose thing can be a bit much for girls. As in, they'll think you fell in love with them before you got to know them, and more importantly before they got to know you, so that sounds stalkerish.
in my opinion, being a stalker would be like secretly, or even openly following me places. also, trying to find out information on me like where I lived or what I was doing. but there are some guys who just give a "stalker vibe" and are automatically considered a stalker. hahaha
stalkerish is when they go to your house at 3am and watch you go inside with your friends. stalkerish is when they go through your phone and laptop, stalkerish is when they get drunk and knock on your bedroom window at 5am.
thats what i have experienced and call a stalker
@shinystarinthesky@xanga - Everyone has different levels of comfort. You can't really tell unless the other person is up front with it...
Dont you just love girls? Howe they can change their minds so much i especially like the ones that all day long they dream about love and when you give that to them they throw it away and then continue to dream about it how wonderful is that?
@MadMarch@xanga - given it was after i knew them for awhile.
Do not corner them, be persuasive but pretend not to care. They eat it up. I'm not a natural at picking up woman it took alot of practice [years], alot of reading, and personal change. One of the first things i learned was this: if something isnt working, change it.
@RossxXxCore@xanga - Love is a two-way street. I've had a two guys who have literally been head-over-heels for me for the past five years, and I've felt absolutely nothing for them whatsoever. Just because someone falls in love with me doesn't mean I'm going to reciprocate.
@chanchina@xanga - I'd say you need to pull back a little. Whenever you get "stalker status", does the girl usually do it after you guys have gone out on one date? Because if you've gone on one or two dates and you're doing all that stuff it can seem a bit obsessive.
@MadMarch@xanga - No, I keep my distance. I honestly prefer talking online. I don't ask for their numbers until later on. But I do ask them, if they are busy or not ( a chance to reject the phone call). I usually talk to them as a friend, about friendly topics. Yeah, I know if I throw it all at her it's going to be crazy. It was more of trying to find out other people's comfort zone.
Interesting. Well, you don't seem like the overly-stalkery type. Granted, I'm assuming all the stuff you've said so far has been true. In this case, the only thing that I can think of is that calling them every night/talking to them every time they're online is probably what's doing you in. I had a guy do that to me. Every time I turn on my computer, my IM automatically signs me in. Does that mean I automatically want to talk? No. I may be doing homework and forgot to set it to "busy". Sometimes with girls you need to let them come to you.
@MadMarch@xanga - I
wasnt saying its not been reciprocated it had been and then they tossed
it away like it was nothing but still dream about love Its like HELLO
you had it right herso what gives?
it sounds like you like these girls more than they like you. if I like a guy a lot, I like the attention even if it is borderline stalkerish. in fact, I wait around for him to message/call me and I start to miss him when he didn't call like usual. when I'm not interested in the guy, then I find him annoying when he does contact me. if I like him, I get excited rather than annoyed.
@RossxXxCore@xanga - I don't know your particular situation or theirs, but people fall out of love. It happens.
Forget instant msgs and calling the cell. I suggest waiting outside her bedroom window, holding up a boombox that is blasting Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes". It'll work like a charm.
If I'm not a tad interested and he's making moves on me continuously, he's a stalker. Also "stalkers" are just people who don't get hints that you're not interested in and people who just don't know what's socially acceptable or people who are really socially awkward/inept.
However, if he's one of those cocky, douchebag types and he's doing the same things, I'd label him as an asshole who wants a piece of ass rather than a stalker, because I know he's not crazy about me, he's crazy about my body.
@RossxXxCore@xanga - Being loved by someone you have no interest in is horrible. Some people feel really bad for the person and others just feel really creeped out that someone they barely know and don't find attractive at all is madly in love with them. People just want to be loved by people they want and love.
@my_horizon@xanga - Did you tell the guy you didn't like him? If you did, then stalker is the right term! But if you didn't you somewhat at fault here.
when you type it out like that its not creepy
but for me, if a guy IMs me whenever I'm on thats a STALKER NO. unless of course we're already good friends then id prob be doing the same to him
if you were an acquaintance interested in getting to know me, then it'd have to be an "ease into" thing..like im me once and if the convo is good try again next week or the week after that even. def dont call until we are good friends..well i just think the phone is intimidating haha
When he calls you everyday for no real apparent reason, when he follows you and waits for you to get off work/practice, when it's starting to freak you out and when it is really crossing your comfort zone!
i was really close to my guy friend last year and i knew he had a huge crush on me, which definitely bordered on stalkerism. aaand eventually i ended up dating him. anything can happen apparently.
I have to be honest, the first question that came to mind was, "Are you attractive?"
And I don't mean, "Are you stunning." I mean, do you look as good as you possibly can?If you do, then you are just going to have to run into the right girl. Not every girl appreciates sweet guys, actually, more don't appreciate them. xD But when you do find a girl who appreciates you, it will be a very wonderful, close relationship.If you aren't. . . well. Admittance is the first step to improvement. Everyone can be beautiful. If you know that you could look better, well then try. Change your hair, wear nicer clothes and shoes. Since it's already hard enough to find a girl who will appreciate the sweet guy rather than just looking at him like a big brother or a stalker, it makes it even harder to find a girl if you aren't trying/aren't doing a good job at making yourself good looking.
Don't get discouraged, but also, one word of advice is that call her often, but not EVERY night. I know that it's true with me, if I feel like I already have a guy wrapped around my finger one hundred percent . . I no longer want him as much. It's like, a relative want, not an absolute one. People want what they can't have, and if it's not the same with everyone, it still won't hurt to cut down on the calls.
normally i don't even think about these things. when you do, you psych yourself out and you might actually come on a bit on the stalkerish side. so whenever i see the hints, i just back off. in other words, i put myself in the friend zone and i put her in the friend zone. chances are i'll ask her for opinions, advices, etc about other girls. if you start talking about other girls, she'll think, oh hey he's not into me. in ways, it gives them that relieve they're looking for. but of course, once you put someone in the friend zone, keep them there, if you don't, you're just screwing yourself over if you're chasing her again. and if you liked a girl excessively, it's a bit more difficult to suppress your feelings. which is why i go by this rule: "never fall for them" if you do, it hurts even more when you're rejected by them and you'll probably be jealous and a lot more. but if she opens herself up to you, i wouldn't know what to do, for me, i'd personally be hesitant.
what i find confusing is when girls give me mixed signals? at first, she seems like she's into me. then not. then is. then not. then is. but yeah, for me personally, i just say f' it by the second or third cycles. for me, i don't like wasting time with these silly games.
Learn how to walk away fast, and hope you don't have to. All you can do is provide the building materials, if they feel like building something great. Go with it. If they don't, I've seen them burn the house down to spite the foundations. Don't get caught in the flames, walk away fast and save yourself.
You sound like my friend who I've told multiple times scares girls off because he acts like a stalker. He does a lot of the things you do and it honestly creeps girls out.