Sunday, 28 February 2010
-
Marriage Won't Fix a Relationship!
Marriage will not fix or save your relationship! If you or your SO are unhappy and/or your relationship is inconsistent then don't get married.If you complain to everyone about your SO and continually post on facebook about how you're so sick of them or you hate the things they do then you're probably not happy. I know couples who fill up my newsfeed on facebook with relationship status changes all the time. It seems like every week I see you guys pop up saying either "Blah is now listed as single" and then a little later "Blah went from single to in a relationship with Blah2" and then the cycle repeats. Usually I just overlook it, but it caught my attention when it said "Blah went from single to engaged to Blah2." Are you serious?
Obviously there's a glitch somewhere in your relationship and you're probably not going to be any happier just because you title changes from girlfriend or boyfriend to wife or husband. If you're not happy with each other or you keep breaking up and getting back together figure out the problem. Maybe theres something deep down that can be fixed. Or maybe you two just aren't meant to be together. Figure this out before you even consider marriage because marriage isnt a magic ceremony that pours happiness into both your souls and makes all your sorrows and problems disappear! So just a suggestion but MAYBE you should see if you guys can maintain a constant happy relationship before jumping into marriage.
Marriage is not a guarantee a cheater will stop cheating.If you know that your SO has been cheating on you, moving in with them so you can watch their every move and pushing them into marriage thinking that it will make them stop cheating wont solve your problem. Marriage is an understood idea, and that wont stop a cheater from cheating. If you marry someone with this mind set in the end your probably only going to end up emotionally devastated and and in an ugly legal dispute. So think about your current situation. Why are you even with your SO if you know they're cheating? Stop laying around hoping one day they'll change cuz chances are slim there. Move on. So you've been with this person for a year? Well I promise you the world wont end if you break up. Dont devalue yourself, you deserve to be treated right and there are real men and women out there that will treat you right.
You dont have to get married even if everyone else is.Your sister has a wedding coming up in a few months and its all she seems to care or talk about. Your best friend just informed you that their SO proposed on Valentine's Day. Some girl you're friends with on facebook announces that she's engaged and your newsfeed is flooded by the 30 comments congratulating her. Okay, so it seems like everyone around you is getting married, and you start to let jealousy get a hold of you. You want to join in on all the excitement too don't you! You've been with your boyfriend for awhile so you guys be getting the ball rolling! This usually results in pushing the SO into marriage. Even if the SO loves you they might not be ready for marriage yet, and if you're only wanting to get married because your best friend is then I doubt you're ready for it either. There's no expiration date on when you can get married so it never hurts to take your time. After I got engaged a bunch of my friends started pushing their boyfriends to propose as well. In the end a few of them ended up scaring their boyfriends away and a few others who did get engaged ended up breaking it off not long after. When the time is right you'll know, but in the meantime let life takes its course. What if you realize you werent meant to be with a person but you rushed them into marriage so that you could stay up to par with your friends and family? I dont see a happy ending in that scenario.
You don't have to get married just because you're having a kid.This happens a lot. The girl ends up pregnant and couple feels they have to get married because it's the right thing to do.
I've rarely seen this work out. Most of the marriages I've seen in this scenario barely last 2 years. Now if you were already planning on getting married before the girl got knocked up, then that's a little different in my opinion. But if you two weren't planning or even talking about marriage then dont rush it because of the kid. Maybe after you two have the kid and things are working out then you can consider marriage. But please dont base a marriage off a kid, base a marriage off of love.
This stuff might sound ridiculous to some people, but all these points are based off of real life cases that I've recently seen. It makes me both sad and mad. It makes me sad because I dont like to see people hurt, but it makes me mad because it demeans the meaning of marriage. Well not for me personally. I still have my own idea of marriage and what its meant to represent. But when I tell people I'm getting married soon, many of them laugh at me and wish me luck with the hint of sarcasm. Why? Because of the stupid people who dont take marriage seriously! Many automatically assumes I'm some stupid young girl that is getting married for the wrong reasons.
If you and your SO have a healthy relationship and feel that you're ready to commit in the stage of marriage then go right ahead. But please, dont get married with the idea that it will fix or improve your relationship. It will probably only end in tragedy for you.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: NadoAngel@xanga
- About Me: I'm 20 years old and a college graduate. I have an amazing man in my life. He is my future husband and most importantly my best friend! We've been together for 3 years and recently got engaged! We moved up by Omaha, Nebraska right after I got done with college. Our goal now is to establish a home and life here. I love animals, meeting new people, and just living life. This blog is basically the ramblings of my everyday life. Its about celebrating happy times, getting through tough times, and all the lessons learned in-between.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 5 Views: 0 8758 Comments: 0 295 View all posts by NadoAngel@xanga
Comments (29)
there are people who really think that marriage will fix a relationship? i've never heard of such a thing.
totally right. if your relationp isnt good now, it wont get better with marriage.
nice post!! =D
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - yep. happens alot. weird right?
yep. I agree
I have two friends that got married because they have had a kid (now three kids together). They both cheat on each other, fight about it, then fall madly in love with each other...then it repeats.
You should add another one THERE IS NO AGE REQUIREMENT FOR MARRIAGE. Someone should broadcast that one on the news preferably when my mom is watching so every time I visit she does not say "so your (insert age here) when are you gonna get married?"
ay dios mio
I know people who've done this. Remember in the US version of The Office when Roy and Pam set a date for the wedding - Pam says yes because she thinks it'll fix their relationship. I like this post. Something a bit different.
Check out my dating blog - http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
Yeah, marriage isn't a bandaid.
Yep. Marriage doesnt fix a damn thing if the foundation is already broken :).
Love the post! I know a couple people who think getting married to their SO's will make things better between them, just like some people think having a baby with someone will make them stay together. You made a great point about those who complain about their SO and fail to see the big picture: something in the relationship isn't right!
If an SO constantly gets on your nerves and doesn't fix the issue after you've talked about it with them, there's a problem. If you're unhappy with your SO, but remain quiet about it to "keep the peace", something's wrong with you.
People eventually learn...sometimes when it's too late.
that's not what brad Pitt though
you should only be getting married if you have an awesome relationship already. if you don't, don't get married, you'll be miserable.
Totally agree with you. If you are madly in love with someone and get married for all the right reasons marriage is amazing. I love my husband <3
People would get married to fix a relationship? Gosh! Haha..
I know exactly what you mean, two of my friends got engaged, one's 18 the other's 23.. Personally I think that's too young, they've only been together about a year and a half too..
I know a lot of people get engaged after a year or so but no matter how old you are I don't think that's enough time AT all. :/
But anyway, yeah.. They argue quite a bit. And everytime they argue my friend tells me the same thing "I don't think we're going to get back together after this one..." Ha.
Ohhh and then they got engaged! Wow. So much for her going to university and achieving her dreams and goals - he actually told her he would break up with her if she went to a university too far away, because he wouldn't be able to handle it, in case she cheated and stuff. Erm, am I right in thinking you shouldn't be with someone if you don't trust them? And that statement he made was a complete confession of not trusting her!?
It really, really, winds me up.
True story. Same goes for having a baby.
right on. Getting married won't save a relationship that has children involved, either. Too many girls fall into that trap way often.
Too many relationships fail because people do not understand what it takes to create a successful, happy relationship. The reason so many people are clueless is that the only training they have had is from their parents, who have not succeeded, or worse, from television.
If you really want to give your relationship a fighting chance, you need relationship training. Just like you need training to get a good career or to play the piano or learn a foreign language. It doesn't come naturally even if you witnessed the perfect relationship growing up.
Michelle E. Vasquez, MS, LPC True Love Relationship Coaching
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - It happens a lot, especially in religious circles. It's crazy, though.
And I agree with these reasons... I still am kind of astounded that people get married for these reasons. Eek.
Thank you! I think it's ridiculous when people get married just because of an unexpected pregnancy. Marriage won't help - if anything, it could make things worse!
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - Yup, oddly. My mom thinks if there's an unwanted pregnancy, people should get married. Because with a wife and baby to support that'll make everything better and happy. *eyeroll*
@everlastte@xanga - i think it's a little different in that case. i don't think people get married when they're expecting because they think it'll make everything better, but rather they do it out of responsibility, and since it sometimes is solely out of responsibility, things turn for the worse.
Marriage is like glue in arts and crafts; if you've got a solid model to glue together to begin with, chances are higher that you'll have a masterpiece going, but if you've got crap to glue together right at the start, you'll just end up with a sticky mess of crap.
i know an older guy who tours with his band and just celebrated (secretly) being faithful to his wife for 90 days... they've been married for 15 years. she married him hoping to reform him, and she genuinely believes she has. she has no clue about his cheating, or that he has an address book full of women's phone numbers indexed by city and state so he'll always have someone to hook up with when he's on tour. it's disgusting.
also, my old roommate pressured her boyfriend into proposing... they broke up a month later, and i had to play hostess while she cried for days. he finally grew a pair and admitted to her that he felt too much pressure to compete with her other married or engaged friends and that he wasn't ready to be engaged, so now they're back together and totally fine. that is terrifying. i also used to date a guy who would propose to me on a weekly basis because his best friend got married, so it's not just girls who act this way.
@KittySolntsova@xanga-- so true, yet so funny.
u marry for love, not for "formula"/money/sex
I know a LOT of couples who are together for all the wrong reasons and probably shouldn't be together in the first place, much less heading toward marriage. You can't tell someone they're wrong when it comes to that kind of thing though--they'll only believe it once they've found out for themselves the hard way.
It's sad when I try to think of couples I know who are actually good together and will probably make it work, and out of everyone I know, I really only have faith in about 5-10 of their relationships. The rest of those relationships are either codependent, emotionally and/or physically abusive, obsessive, unbalanced, based on lust or desperation rather than pure love, or just otherwise unstable. So many people don't know what it takes to have a good relationship, but they sure are willing to stick around for a shitty one. And I'm only 23--most of my friends are between 21 and 25, and they all seem to be pretty eager to jump into marriage. (I have no idea why...shit, slow down a little bit! No one is putting a time limit on you!) I highly doubt more than just a few of them will still be together 10-20 years from now. It's truly pathetic.