Saturday, 27 February 2010
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Do I Look FAT in This?
So what gets me is when girls ask guys "Do I look fat in this?". I'm not saying all girls are this way, and I only know a couple who have actually asked this question. I have NEVER asked a this and vow to never ask. Overall, it's a negative thing to ask and only leaves everyone around you aware how self conscious you really are.
The thing with this question that really bugs me is it's basically a trap, and not just for the partner. Hear me out. Ladies, we all have our ins and outs about our bodies. What better way to let your partner know about our self conscious thoughts and doubts than with this epic question. Guys have body image issues too, almost as much as girls do. This may be surprising for some of you, but look at it this way. They don't do the semi-self deprecating discussions making everyone around them aware of their body issues. Because of this, they seem to have more self confidence than girls....sneaky.....well played guys.
So when you ask this and a guy says no you don't look fat, do you actually believe him or say you believe him and secretly keep obsessing about it? I'm guessing most of you keep thinking about it. Ever tell him that you don't believe him? Congrats. Not only have you just shown you have body image issues, but you are showing you don't trust his opinion. What then? Ever have it lead into a fight? It sounds just a little ridiculous.
Guys and partners in general fear this question. You answer yes and there it is. You're as good as single. Answer no and BAM! you are pegged as someone who doesn't have a valid point or are even called a liar. Talk about frustrating. If I were a guy, I would not want to be in this position.
Ladies and anyone whose ever asked this question....why oh why are you asking? Is it that you're fishing for compliments? That's almost more lame than asking this question. Why not ask something more direct like "how do you like this shirt on me?" "Is this a pretty color for me?" "Do these jeans look ok?" Don't take the answer personally and accept it as honesty. A guy is not going to react like your girlfriends and make a huge fuss or want to discuss the price of the item. You may just get a yes or no--> that's just how it is. The more direct the question, the closer you'll get to your answer. Besides, aren't the best compliments the ones that catch you off guard?
Ladies all I can say is this; You may be self conscious, but try not to parade that around town every single day. Don't take that the wrong way, it is always better to talk about things that stress you out--like your body---with people who accept you and love you. Just keep in mind you're SO is with you because they love you for who you are and the fact that your SO finds you attractive physically is a bonus. (Would you be with someone you didn't find even a little bit attractive physically?) Most women don't have a models body and most guys don't look like body builders. Throw out that self doubt and learn that if you show a little confidence, you'll be so much better off AND BONUS! The compliments will come more frequently and without being fished for :)
My question is this: Have you ever asked your SO this question? If your the SO, how did you answer and what was the result? I wouldn't mind hearing a story or two if you have them.
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About the Author
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- From: madelynne07@xanga
- About Me: I love being spontaneous, rugby, and am learning to play keyboards. I've got quite a bit of random thoughts and enjoy exploring them. Someday, I would love to be a writer.
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Comments (128)
i think it's really unfair to ask someone that. it seems like the person asking thinks if they say yes, they're an a-hole, but if they say no, they're lying. i'd never put a boyfriend in that spot.
No man can answer this honestly. If a girl THINKS she looks fat in something, she DOES look fat in it. And no man is going to tell his missus she looks fat. Unless he's got a fat fetish. Some men pay a lot of money for that kind of thing...
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
hey, you basically said it all in this post. guys dont wanna hear it, your friends dont wanna hear it... so just don't ask. and this goes with many things, not just "do I look fat in this?" there's many other questions or comments similar to it that are lethal and peg the other partner or friend in a tough situation.
I used to ask this a lot before I recovered from my eating disorder. I was not fishing for a compliment or anything else, I really and truly believed that I looked fat in everything that I put on. I did not need to know if the color looked good, if the jeans fit OK I needed to be assured that I really did not look fat. Luckily the people that I would ask, my mom & husband didn't assume I was asking these things for any of the normal reasons women asked this question. My mom does try and understand how I could see myself as fat But I do (and according to her I have since I was a young child). I don't ask anymore because I know that no one else will ever see me as being fat (except perhaps some of the guys I dated in the past who had an anorexic fetish). I am the only one that sees it and I know it isn't real.
I've never asked that question, but when my sister asked me I said "yes if you think so if not then no..." lol Not nice but I wasn't falling for the trap ^-^
I ask specific things-do these jeans make my ass look bigger than normal, does this shirt hug my stomach too much, do my boobs look saggy. And I'm a very direct person anyway, so usually guys I'm with know me and aren't afraid to be blunt.
One time I tried on a yellow dress for a formal function and the guy I was dating went along with me. I walked out (I can't wear yellow but I tried) of the dressing room, and said "What do you think of this color?" And he was like "It's the most godawful one you could have possibly picked. Are you going to puke, or is the dress making you look ill?" :P We laughed.
everything makes me look weird because I am weird so I don't worry about it.
No I've never asked the question, though I might think it out loud as a statement "Hm, I think my rear looks rather unflattering in this pair of jeans today." My man usually then says what he thinks and if he teases me with a "Yes you look fat.", I typically and teasingly reply "oh shush, you fat fat fatty! FATTEH." (We watch a little too much Little Britain USA)
i hate this question! lol, it puts the other person in such an awkward position. i would probably just be really snarky and say, "no your fat makes you look fat."
Personally, I have seen quite a few girls (and guys) who would benefit from asking that question a little more often.
If anyone ever asks me, I tell them the truth. I'm not like, "yeah, you look like a heifer" but I would say, "I don't think I like it very much, what about this?"
I've never asked if something made me look fat. I've asked if something looked good on me, which is perfectly legit, since sometimes things don't fit/look quite right and you need someone elses opinion. And no, I haven't always gotten a positive answer, which is fine with me. My husband asks me the same thing =P. I don't see a problem with girls asking if they look fat in something though. Fishing for compliments from you SO seems normal to me.
ive never asked my SO that. I dont buy things i think look "Fat" and by that..it doesnt fit lol. So I get a different size. Or i dont get that type of clothing. Dress for your body type. I know I have huge boobs and cant fit into certain things, i dont feel bad about it, I just wear what works for ME. And Im the first judge, if i dont like it, no one else is going to see it. Not even my best friend when we shop together.
I have...but not very often. I know I'm not fat, but I also know clothes can be unflattering. Perhaps the better question would be "Does this look good on me?"
I have figured out the right answer! I makes the girl think of what she said, makes you seem like an a-hole, but its the best you could probably do, and they will never ask again...
"Does this make me look fat, dear?"
"Did you buy it to make you look fat in it?"
"No.."
"Then you don't look fat in it"
Done and done...
Ladies, seriously...look in the mirror, you are not seeing anything different than you can in that. The difference, the guy you asking has probably seen you naked, so it doesn't matter what you or he wears. DON'T ASK THE QUESTION! If you didn't by the dress to make you not look fat, it is most likely working...especially if you shop with those bitches that are so called "girlfriends".
yeah i hate when girls say "augh im fat" or "augh im ugly" because they are just FISHING for the one response they will get
Honestly, I hear it so often I dont answer and walk away disgusted. But in reality I WANT to say yes, yes you are. You are morbidly obese, seek help.
SO ANNOYING.
however, if i were to ever ask if something looked good/should i change my outfit, i would WANT real answer.
i don't generally ask this question because i'd say my own opinion is perfectly valid on whether or not i look fat, and only i am qualified to judge how comfortable i am with how i look. however, if i were really on the fence and wanted a guy's opinion, i would be looking for an honest answer. why would you ask a 50/50 question if there was only one 'acceptable' answer?
"It doesn't make you look fat but it doesn't look good." I thought that was a good thing to say once, so she got some fashion teaching from her girlfriends and she never asked me ever again...weird...
No. But I would've said yes.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - Thank you for sharing your story! That was insightful. (I hope it's clear that I wasn't aiming at all women including those with eating disorders in this category)
@MadMarch@xanga - Your story was hilarious! It's cool that you're naturally a direct person, probably makes it easier for people to relax around you knowing they aren't going to offend you really easily by being honest.
@Icecold4u@xanga - Wow I think that's the only reply that actually saves the convo. It's direct and points out the clear one sided-ness (is that a word?) of the original question. <>
i reply with the sound of crickets. I think if you cant see that your fat yourself, then someone else shouldn't have to tell you
Why don't we talk about the reasons why women have so much insecurity, instead of bashing women for doing what they're told...feeling insecure about their looks?
Haha I never really worried about looking fat in front of my last boyfriend because the tighter it was, the hornier he was around me.
@madelynne07@xanga - It is clear, don't worry. I was just sharing my story. I wasn't at all offended at all, I've meet women that do ask the question to "trap" their man.
Totally agree with most of this post (if boy and I go shopping together and I WANT his opinion, I'll ask a specific question about it). The one thing I take a bit of issue with, though, is that you make it seem (or at least I'm reading it this way) that your SO should have no idea that you may have self confidence issues. Maybe I'm a little over sensitive to this (I've struggled with an eating disorder for years, and it's almost impossible for my bf to /not/ notice), but I feel like, if my boyfriend couldn't handle the fact I'm not 100% confident 100% of the time, we'd have bigger issues.
I've asked this question, but only to a guy to see what he would say because it's such a loaded question, and only to a girl to get her honest opinion. I don't actually want to hear yes that makes you fat or no it doesnt, I'm looking for the "That doesn't look quite right, try this..."
It's not so much the fat I'm concerned about as the overall look of the outfit, which may look bad because it puts too much emphasis on areas of my body that aren't as great as others...which would basically make me look larger than perhaps a different outfit. For a different outfit I might ask, "Do these jeans make my legs look short?" I'm not incredibly self-concious, I just like having a second opinion. :)