Friday, 26 February 2010
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To Look or Not to Look...That is the Question!
So recently, my best friend has become very irate with her boyfriend. Apparently, the boyfriends BFFL (side note, a guys BFFL is different than a guys "best friend" the BFFL is the weird guy friend that seems to get jealous of the fact that your boyfriend is dating you, and becomes a permanent third wheel, but that is another post all together.) was defending the reasoning behind why they constantly have conversations via text whilst they are around her. So while they are conversing out loud with her, they would be having a silent one between the two of them. This would annoy me too, but this isn't the subject of this post. The BFFL informed my best friend that he couldn't say certain things out loud in front of her. When she asked about what kind of "things", the BFFL said he couldn't comment on a hot girl to her boyfriend in front of her. Well, this just steamed her potatoes.
According to her, it pisses her off that her boyfriend looks at other girls. I asked if it was just the fact that he may be doing it in front of her, or just in general. I didn't really get a clear answer.
But here's my thing: is it really bad? They are with you, and they love you, they obviously want you, so why can't they just look? If they act on it, if they cheat on you, then its a problem. But girls, don't we do it too? Imagine the scenario: We're walking in the mall. We pass by a gang of guys. We WILL and always DO comment on how cute one of them may be, relationship or not. Is this any different than when a guy see's a pretty girl?
Personally, I don't care. I feel like as long as it is just "looking" it is not a problem. It is natural human nature to view things around you. My parents have been married for 30 years, and if a pretty girl passes by, my dad will go "Oh look at that!" and my mom will just shake her head and laugh. "Alan, if you got alone with that, you wouldn't know what to do with it. Eat your steak." (Typical restaraunt conversation for my family.)
I'm not mocking anyone for being upset by this. I'm just open to opinions.
So, everyone, does it bother you when your SO checks other people out? Is this really a non-issue? Or is it an insecurity thing?
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- From: chelsea_elsie_oh@xanga
- About Me: 18. College freshman. Redhead. Writer. Get it.
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Comments (87)
looking but no touching x]
i think it'll always be natural for them to look. hell, if one look is all it takes for them to leave you, that isn't a healthy relationship, anyway.
Looking is one thing, As humans things will naturally catch our eyes. As long as I know I'm with you & vice versa, I wont be insecure.
HOWEVER, it is rude & disrespectful to your SO to stare. To me the 5 second rule applies here too. A glance shouldnt take more than 5 seconds. After that, you're pushing it.
i wouldn't date someone who checked put other people.
and, no, i don't do it.
ever.
so it is possible not to.
i'd probably check out girls with him
does his best friend have to notify him when he sees a hot girl
hanging around with his friends is okay but when he is the constant third wheel, it is like I'm not even on a date with my bf. I don't mind if he looks but saying out loud whenever he sees an attractive woman is annoying. if I'm in a relationship, and see a hot guy, then I'll usually just think thoughts in the privacy of my mind
I don't make it obvious that I'm checking someone out. if I'm with my single female friends and I'm single too, then I'll directly point out the cute guys. otherwise, when I'm with my guy I'll notice guys but tend to favor my guy and think he is the cutest.
She will look, just as I may end up look, as much as I try to avoid (Morals and raised that way), it just happens...
Trust and jealously effects your relationship that badly, your gonna be suspicious of every SO you have at the mall.
@lilaznkoolioz@xanga - Like a strip club =D Your eyes will wonder, but the hands are in complete control, keep them away.
@yaneznayu@xanga - Me Approve. Me very much approve. *salutes*
its rude to check out other people when you're with your SO.
Whenever I see him looking, I don't mind but I go "wow she was pretty" but if she wasn't good looking I just laugh because I truly believe he has horrible taste sometimes, though he says he is shallow lol. He doesn't stare though, so it's whatever.
I tell him all the time - I look at women a LOT,more than men,and most likely more than him,don't know why. But he has this rule where he never looks below their shoulders when talking to them, which I think is really self controlling of him and it may sound like BS, but its true.
I think it's rude to check them out for more than a few seconds as well. It's really inconsiderate, especially if the person that they're checking out notices. It's absolutely embarrassing to be the girl that has to sit there and deal with it while the other girl stares like "good job keeping his attention!". I think commenting on other girls and such is just wrong anyway. It's different with people that've been together for a while...such as married couples, like OP's parents. Yes, after 30 years, I'm sure the topic is something that won't be acted upon. You have 30 years of assurance. But especially to young relationships where the commitment has no serious grounds...the douchiness is something I can do without.
There's a difference between looking and checking out. A fine line, but there's a difference.
UNLESS both of them agree not to do it then I guess it is ok. I am single so eh LOL
@yaneznayu@xanga - Deal, but then you'd have to let him check out guys with you.
And seriously, do you have to say whatever you're texting each other in front of someone else, right there and then? Can you at least not have the fucking courtesy to wait until the person's gone to then talk about whatever you want to?
I have never seen my boyfriend even glance at another girl, let alone say out loud that he thinks some chick is hot. I mean, not even actresses. Megan Fox could pop up on the screen completely naked and he would just act like nothing happened. It makes me wonder sometimes. o.O
I also wonder if maybe it's just a front that he puts on. Like, maybe with his friends he's always commenting on how hot some girls are. I honestly would rather him do it in front of me than behind my back.
I comment how hot some celebrities are a lot.. A LOT. And I feel so bad about it, because I know it makes him feel sort of insecure, but I can't stop. :/
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - hmm...sounds good to me. then everyones happy :D
Obviously it's natural for humans to do that. But in all honesty, I think it's disrespectful for a boyfriend to be checking out a girls ass/tits in front of you. I don't do that, not even when I'm alone but maybe that makes me weird. & If I catch a guy checking me out, it gives me the creeps .. I don't want a guy like that.
It's an insecurity thing.
My gf and I check out other people all that time. Guys and girls. Together. We're completely aware of where we are in our relationship and completely comfortable with it. She'll rate other women and I'll tell her if I think she was on point. I do the same with men. All it's done is show that she has a completely sympathetic outlook towards rating women and that she also has odd taste in men.
I think its rude and disrespectful to check out other people when you're with your SO. Why is it so hard to just not look?
i agree with you
Ping G15 hybird Ping G15 Iron Set
looking is okay, it's human nature really.
but texting about a hot girl with your buddy right in front of your girlfriend is scummy.
haha your parents are hilarious :)
LOL I love your parents.
there's nothing wrong with looking.everyone does it,but if you touch while your in a relationship then that's when there's a real problem.
Haha your parents are awesome :P
Look but don't touch is my policy. ;)
Your mum's hilarious.
Personally, I don't give a shit if the boyfriend checks out other chicks. It would, however, piss me off if he spoke to her and got her number. I look at guys too. I also think it's a natural thing to look, admire. It's no big deal as long a you're just looking.