The Ex.
Everyone has one, some love theirs and some loathe theirs. How do you view yours?
I personally loathe mine. I mean, there's a reason why you guys broke up right? I have tried to become friends with my exes after breaking up but it just never works, it's always easier to go from best friend to boyfriend than it is to go from boyfriend to best friend. There are just too many feelings and memories involved, 'cause if you guys can be close enough to be best friends when why can't you be boyfriends/girlfriends?
But then there are those who thing otherwise. My boyfriend is actually still friends with his ex, (it kind of bothers me but there's nothing I can really do about it) and they get along fine, she actually calls him for advice with her current boyfriend. Some of my other friends are still best of friends with their exes, I don't know how they do it but they do.
It honestly irks me to see friendly ex interaction, it's like seeing a lion be friends with a zebra.
What do you guys think? Are you guys friends with any of your exes? Was it/ is it weird?
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Comments (78)
I'm friends or at least friendly with all of mine. My hubby is friends with all of his EXCEPT the most recent one. And he tried, ha, but she had (has?) a severe case of crazybitchitis.
I don't think it's weird, mostly because I've never ended a relationship on bad terms. I don't see the point in doing so? I guess I'm one to end it rather than drag it out, wait for it to get ugly, and THEN bail.its hard for me to understand how people remain friends after they break up. i could never manage it. but i think it depends on the reason for breaking up and how your relationship was.
with one of my exs we actually had a fairly good relationship. we just werent meant to be. we were on a different road in life so we ended up breaking up. we tried to be friends but every time it lead to us trying to make our relationship work, and we both knew that a relationship wasnt right for us so we eventually had to give up our friendship too. i dont hate him and i wish him the best in life and if i ever saw him walking down the street id go say hi and love to catch up.
my other ex on the other hand. id wouldnt pee on him if he was on fire. he was a HUGE asshole to me while we were in a relationship AND after we broke up. so i could care less about him.
My boyfriend is still friends with all of his exes.. he talks to his most recent ex (they went out for nearly 3 years) even though they're not really friends. She still loves him and is trying to get him back. Everytime she calls, they get into an argument and to me, it still feels like they fight like a couple... but he tells me he doesn't want to get back with her and there "no feelings involved." For a while, he kept the fact that they talk away from me and when I found out, I felt betrayed because if there was nothing going on, then there should be nothing to hide. It bothers me that they still talk because I know what her intentions are. I don't know... this has made me insecure and uncertain about our relationship and I don't know what to do.
@token_juicebox - wow that's so shady! I definitely would not be able to deal with that but I do know what you mean though. Exes are exes for a reason! I can't stand it when my bf talks to a girl who I know has had or has feelings for him, but I think that's just the protective side of me. I think you should try talking to him about how you feel if you haven't already. If he really cares about you, he will be willing to stop doing things that makes you uncomfortable. Him keeping it a secret from you raises a giant red flag for me :x.
I'm creeped out by my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. I broke up with him over a year ago, and now, to this day (he's been dating her for almost a year now) they still use all the same jokes, songs, quotes, etc from OUR relationship. He replaced me with a younger girl, and didn't even choose to create new memories with her or anything. Just used everything from our relationship.
Creep me the fuck outt
@token_juicebox - Wow shady much? That would drive me crazy insane! If it leads to an argument and considering that she still has feelings for him, talking to her is not a good idea. Cuz like you said, they argue all the time and because talking to her is entertaining those feelings she's holding on to.
I'm not friends with my exes. They're either assholes or the friendship before the relationship wasn't strong enough and after the relationship ended, the friendship just couldn't be maintained. What I don't understand about my bf being friends with his ex, the only one I'm aware of that he's still friends with at the moment, is how he says they're friends but talks sh*t about her behind her back and on top of that she's shady when they do talk because she's always asking him to hang out but not once has she tried to even talk to me. That hanging out became more often when she found out that he stated was considering getting married to me. It's more of boundries I guess and also what's the purpose iof being friends with an ex if like my bf, you talk sh*t about them behind their backs or like token_juicebox's they argue everytime the talk. That's not even friendship regardless of being exes!
@NSheridan@xanga - I'd be creeped out too. Then again I've yelled and argued with my current bf because he wass doing that same thing with me in the beginning of our relationship 2 years ago.
I dunno I dated one guy for three weeks and another for three months, and we're on great terms, mainly because we were never really emotionally attached to each other.
The one guy I dated for three years, though, his abuse disgusts me.
I don't see anything wrong with my boyfriend being close friends with his ex (which he doesn't call her his ex anymore since it's been nearly 5 years since they broke up). Their relationship is completely platonic and I'm actually close friends with her for nearly four years now. My boyfriend and I hang out with her and her boyfriend on occasion. It used to be awkward but I actually like it.
friends with exes is bad news.
Personally, I think loathing someone does you no good.
Let go of those bad feelings, you'll be doing yourself a favor.
I don't talk to exes because, quite frankly, I don't care to.
If I don't want someone in my life, they won't be. That includes all feelings of dislike.
It's best to just let go.
and hahaha @ the lion & zebra visual.
i would say it depends a, how you felt and b, how it ended. i am currently close friends with one of my exes. but what we shared was a minor fling... and honestly. we just reconciled and its been about 2 years since we ended things. i am mild friends with another ex. but. thats a bit different. he was my first love, and our families are very intertwined making it nearly impossible to not be friends/acquaintances.
ps. as for the rest. thats never going to happen. either too much crap went down, or the feelings were too strong/passionate vs. loving.
I'm not, because he used me for sex :D
And the other two are socially awkward. So it was hard fo be friends in the first place.
Close friends with one, very, very, distant friends with the other.
@hangswithfae@xanga - i completely agree.
the best way to get over someone is to never see their face again. period.
My now ex boyfriend and his ex didnt talk for .. about 4 years .. and then when we started dating .. she kept trying to start talking to him (although she had a boyfriend as well)... then about 4 months before our relationship ended .. she calls him to ask him for advice about her boyfriend (who is/was best friends with my now ex boyfriend) they start talking again .. and apparently they became close .. and he lied to me about it for the last 4 months .. and I only recently found out, 2 months after the breakup. And now they like each other/are together.
I think that if they have been mutual friends .. since after the breakup .. it means that they are simply just friends .. or they both still have feelings. Hope its the former.
Personally .. I don't see how exes can ever be friends again, unless they never really had feelings for each other to begin with. (my friend just got into a relationship with her best guy friend of a 5 years and .. idk i dont see the spark and even she .. doesnt seem to like him and is "eh" towards their relationship)
@TheRealMelanie@xanga - i agree, it takes so much energy to hate or be angry with someone. i'm on good terms with all my exes now, it's just not worth it to keep resenting each other.
my most recent ex and i broke up a long time ago. it took some time but now we're cool with each other. after all the fighting and the pain of the break up, my ex and i realized that we weren't meant to be together and now we can happily lead our own lives but still keep in touch every now and then like any other pair of friends do. we can be in the same room and not feel any different from our other friends, and i am really glad.
now i'm in a happy, committed relationship with another guy, the first guy i actually plan on spending the rest of my life with! we are both totally cool about each other being friends with exes because we know that we only have love for each other.
I really couldn't be friends wuth any of my ex-girlfriends. Not really. Too much hurt on both sides. and for a long time I carried more and more baggage from every failed relationship to the next one.
I had to learn to let go, and start over fresh. And put myself in the moment and in the really good hands of my current fiance. It's been solid and healthy and wonderful.
Ex's are Ex's for a reason.
My best friend is an ex and it works just fine. She understands that I'll always try to grope her when drunk and she's willing to accept that.
Check out my dating blog - http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
Heh. My relationship with my only ex-boyfriend (and yes, current best friend) is... complicated, to say the least. We were close before the the relationship, and when we broke up, I don't think either of us wanted to the lose the friendship. We were first and foremost best friends -- why should we lose that? I admit that I struggled very much trying to accept that we were now platonic, but I've gotten over it. It's possible if you try... hard. Without our mutual attachments to each other, I don't think we could've continued to be friends.
I personally have ditched all ties with all of my exes and so has my man. We basically told our exes to piss off. Why hang out with the past when you can be lovingly in the present?
Im friends with one ex, but we usually dont see each other esp while we are dating someone. We just talk and we dont live in the same state anyway. I have another ex, we on and off talk. The trouble with being friends with your ex is sometimes being so close reminds them of ur relationship, you want it again, and then with this ex, we argued alot, and we would eventually start, and then just stop talking all together.
my bf is friends with his ex too, it drives me crazy too, but wat can i do? I trust him....its just HER i dont exactly trust. I think some ppl are 'territorial' when it comes to their SOs, not like they are your actual 'property' which is why its in quotes. But even if my guy didnt do anything with his ex, but his ex came on to him, id be upset that SHE touched him or wanted to. Hes MINE, hes with ME, why cant SHE RESPECT THAT? But the guys like, well as long as you trust me, thats all that matters. We cant control everything that happens, including who our BFs are friends with or not. sigh..
@NotTheAveragePsycho@xanga - SPOT ON! that's always my issue, I trust my boyfriend 100% it's just HER that I don't trust. Being a girl, we know that girls are tricky! That's my only issue with my boyfriend still talking to girls that used to like him and exes.
I choose the, "I don't remember you route." What we had is gone if you want to start something new treat me as if we have never met. It is not because I am jerk it is just that, I have erased a girls presense from my life (the entire history) this is why I don't facebook. When someone is gone the are all the way gone to me. So new girlfriends don't have to deal with stuff, not because I care but because I do it naturally. Too many times exes are a potential pitfall, and there is a reason most people are uncomfortable with it.
i dont feel weird when i talk to my ex. like, id like to be her friend.
but she cant do it.
oh well. i guess there are those who can and there are those who cant.