Thursday, 25 February 2010
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First Fart In A Relationship
When someone farts and they don't want to admit to this, they either say :-
1. "Can you smell that?" - before everyone else does
or
2. "I can't smell anything!"- when everyone else doesBut what happens when you start a relationship?
- For guys, all disgusting farting habits are ceased. Guys are no longer loud and proud about their loud and smelly farts. This is because they want to make the girl like them. Once the girl falls in love, they can no longer escape from the guy's farting machine abilities.
- For girls, what do you mean? Girls' farts smell like roses!
I have some limited advice for all you dating farters out there. Before you let out wind, usually, you can sort of tell which type of fart is going to emit from your orifice. If it is a :-
1. Silent and harmless fart
Do it! No-one but you will know.
If you see your other half harboring a secret half-smile but they won't tell you why, they have done one of these farts!2. Loud and harmless fart
Before you let it out, turn up the volume of the radio or TV or cough loudly or say, "HEY, WHAT'S THAT?" - anything just to distract their attention and if you time it nicely, congratulate yourself.
If you see your other half acting oddly and harbouring a secret smile, they have done one of these farts!3. Loud and deadly
There's not much you can do here except run out the room and let it out. Both of you will hear this and probably laugh about it. It's almost funny.
You will be loud and proud of the loudness and the smelliness of this fart.
Whereas your other half will laugh about the noise, but they will also be holding their breath so they'll have some weird choking laugh.
The noise warns them a nasty smell is on the way so at least, they're semi-prepared.
4. Silent and deadly fart
This is the deadliest fart of them all.
You think it's going to be silent and harmless so you relax and let it go. You WILL smell it first and boy, it's a STINKER! You must quickly act on this.
Either confess or feign ignorance.If you confess before the smell hits your other half, at least, they will appreciate your warning and hold their breath.
If you feign ignorance, make sure it's when there are other people in the room (e.g. in the cinema, in a lift full of people), so it could have been from anyone.
Make sure you are NOT the first one to smell it, because that's a giveaway - "whoever smelt it, dealt it"
But again, don't deny the fact there is a bad smell in the air when everyone else can smell it because the finger points to you.The biggest problem is if you feign ignorance and there are only two of you in the room. You cannot talk yourself out of that one! Hang your head in shame!
I'm going to confess and give you two true stories here.
On first or second non-serious date
So on this date, there were only two of us in an enclosed area. I had a semi-sore tummy and let one rip. The guy, who liked me loads, made a twitch when the smell wafted over. I was embarrassed but refused to let my face betray me. "What's wrong?", I said. Pause. "Oh, er, nothing..." he replied. What a gentleman! And for the rest of our relationship, this incident was never brought up so either a) the fart wasn't that deadly or b) he was too traumatized to talk about it ever again.After a few dates, when both are in love with each other
So on this date, there was two of us and we were just chilling out and enjoying each other's company. One of those dates where both are comfortable with silence and there is no need for conversation. Again, I had a semi-sore tummy and had to let one go. I thought it would have been harmless, but oh dear, it was deadly. I quickly went over to the boyfriend and tried to distract him by kissing him. He was surprisingly delighted with my forward approach...until 2.5 seconds later, when his nasal cavity was filled with my deadly emission...and then he started laughing at me. Because he just knew! It was suspicious when I started kissing him first, but then it was apparent why when he smelt the fart. We both laughed about it.The first fart in a relationship is always going to be awkward. But once you've both laughed about it, it becomes easier and you've seen or smelt another side of your other half.
My married friends admit they have farting competitions in bed to see who can do the loudest and smelliest ones - that is just SICK!
Any farting stories to share? Come on, don't be shy!
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Comments (90)
I always try to be the one to brake the ice or in this case WIND!
Ahahaha. The first time I farted in front of my husband (then-boyfriend), he was tickling me and I laughed so hard I farted. No joke. It was so embarrassing, but so hilarious. We both laughed until we cried. And then he teased me about it forever.
Now, farting is no longer taboo. Just something to laugh about, ha.lol!
i've been dating my boyfriend for a year
a fart all the time around him lol
i really don't care at all
i'm pretty sure i started farting around him BEFORE we started dating
we laugh about it =)
This is just digusting.
i can't fart around guys. too self conscious. and when guys fart around me, i feel awkward.
his gaseousness and attitude about it was endearing
hahaha I really cannot fart around my D. we've been dating for a year and more, but I just CANT DO IT. it's so embarassing. I don't fart around anyone. either I hold it in for a better time or it's a silent and NOT deadly one so it just goes. he doesn't fart around me either.. farting is horribly embarassing to me. plus we think farting sounds are hilarious so if we were to ever have a noisy one around eachother it would never die. and when I'm embarassed I usually get defensive. so it'd be bad. am I a weirdo or what? hahaha this post was interesting...
What a delightful post!
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
I was sleeping in my (now) exs bed once. He was reading and I farted so loud I woke myself up. Hah.
can't you just fart and laugh about it?
that's what i dooo.
The first time I did around my fiance we were play fighting and I fell down and it just knocked the fart out of me. It was hilarious and we couldn't stop laughing.
@MangoWOW@xanga - LOL. I've done that before, but I woke both of us up! He was like, "What was that? Did someone break in??" He figured it out in the morning though and still brings it up.
Lmao haven't let this out yet!
Im still DREADING the day this happens to me in front of my SO. It hasn't yet, or it has when he hasn't noticed due to silence and lack of smell. It's going to be horribly embarrassing. I even don't fart around my family or best friend. To me it's justa horribly embarrassing thing I try to avoid at all costs. It's gotta happen sooner or later, but Im avoiding it as long as possible.
the true test of a relationship isn't the love talk, the marriage talk, the moving in talk, the kids or home talk, but the fart. If you can't do it at some point in the relationship then someone needs to get the stick I mean fart outta their ass!
Guys are much more cool about it then you might think - now don't fart up a storm on the first date but a fart is a fart - as long as your breath, body, or vag doesn't smell like shit the entire day then who the hell cares?!
@whitetrashpoet@xanga - Lmao same here. xD
@extraordinary_concept@xanga - You're not a weirdo. I can't let myself do it around my SO. It's just... like, what the hell am I supposed to say afterward? Hahah
I've never farted around any of my partners and if they do it around me, it will turn me off entirely. I'll never look at them the same.
SHOW YOUR LOVE...GIVE YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER A DUTCH-OVEN 2NITE LOL!
I can't even do it in front of my mom ..and I turn on the faucet when I use the bathroom. My mom thinks its hilarious and will find any opportunity to fart on me.
My ex would do it and it smelled like something crawled inside him and died. So as a general rule he had to warn me so I could duck and cover.
HAHA! This post gave me a good laugh :)
My boyfriend and I have been together for... Next week makes 2 years and 4 months (yes I count months :D ) and he doesn't usually fart around me. If he does, I don't usually hear it and he just says, "Excuse me" Or when we're play fighting, one time I punched him in his kidney and he farted haha! Sometimes he'll run away from me, telling me had to fart.
I've never farted in front of my boyfriend haha, it's just.. something I'm too embarrassed to do, though I admit, well.. HE admits, one time when I was sleeping, he heard me fart.
I was MORTIFIED! BUT, we just laugh about it <3
My bestfriend farts in front of me or my brother, who is her boyfriend. She'll just say, I have to fart, and just.... toots. Hahah! She and my brother are gross though, she'll sometimes sit on him and fart on him. That's just... gross. HAha!
@lusciousddja@xanga - HAHAHA ! THAT'S SO MEAN! My cousin's boyfriend tried doing that to me -_______-, i ended up punching him in the face by accident :)
I didn't meet my boyfriend in "real life" until I moved in with him. (We had met and dated online.) So, for the first month or so, I kept it all in, or waited until he left for work. He, on the other hand, had no such inhibitions, either waking or sleeping. I think the first time I farted was actually ON him, when we were sleeping.... Oops! When we're in our bedroom, he likes to jump up, run into the closet and shut the door, then emitting a loud, long fart. It's awfully funny.
I fart way to much to even waste time trying to hide it and pretend I don't when I start dating someone new. I just put it all out on the table. I'm going to fart every single time we hang out, if you're not cool with that, we might as well figure that out right away and not waste each other's time.
For the record, I only dated one guy who wasn't that cool with it....but even he dated me for 4 months. :p
hahaha my bf and i fart around each other all the time. who cares, it's natural. sure, sometimes it'd stink for a bit, but who wants all that gas to be bottle up in your intestines anyway. we should all just grow up about it. if it stinks, apologize. if it's loud, have a laugh :)