Thursday, 25 February 2010
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Habits in a Relationship
For those of us who have been in a long term relationship, or any relationship for that matter, get into habits that others may think is weird, such as calling at certain times, saying certain things and doing things that would feel weird if you DIDN'T do.
For example, I've been in this relationship for a year and a half and ever since we started talking, we have been used to calling or texting before doing anything, such as taking a shower,eating or doing homework, etc. Every morning before I leave for school, I also call him, even though he is completely in another world, knocked out, to let him know I'm leaving and to tell him I love him.
Before hanging up, we always say things such as "I love you, call me if anything,beijao (kisses in Portuguese), you're my everything". Never fails.
Every morning, it's also a habit to ask "How are you? How did you sleep? How's your day going?How do you feel?" - yes, kind of repetitive but we know what we mean. We also ask each other to "keep me updated" on anything. If people were to hear me say this, they would probably think I am weird or obssesive.
To me, those are all good habits. There are bad habits too.
Mine would be, ALWAYS calling back again after hanging up before bed and feeling weird if I don't. I already have trouble sleeping, and calling back makes it even worse.
What are some habits, good or bad, that you and your SO share?
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- From: l0veBabyx@xanga
- Name: Isabella♡
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Comments (39)
Sounds a bit smothering to me. And what's the point in saying stuff if it's like a script? Having said that, every time I take my girl from behind - without fail - she smacks my little bottie and calls me cowboy. Same thing really, I suppose.
Check out my dating blog: http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
It's little things that some couples do.
I don't think my man and I have any of those habits aside from having silly names for each other, me smacking him awake when he snoozes too much in the morning and him rubbing his stubble all over me (which has earned him an accidental elbow to the head several times... I should be an UFC fighter, woot!) at the beginning and end of a day.
I'm exactly the same way with my boyfriend of a year and a few months
we always call eachother in the moring, at lunchtime, and before bed
and we text eachother all throughout the day saying everything we're doing
and we always say "i love you" before we say goodbye
so basically we do the same thing and all my friends think it's weird
and they think we're too clingy or whatever
maybe they're right
but i don't think we can change now
except for i don't call him back after we hang up before bed
That's cute...I had to break up with my now ex boyfriend because he wasn't being as communicative as I wanted him to be...plus other reasons. But good luck to you two!
Hope you have one of those unlimited plans.
I don't think that they're bad habits, certain words become special in a relationship, but I do think that less constant contact when you're away is healthy, from experience. When you feel like you aren't actually away from your bf/gf when you are, then you don't feel like you actually ARE separate. You just have to text, call, etc. When you know texting constantly/at the same time every day isn't as much of an option you really begin to miss them and the time you have together is really refreshing and better. I mean, good couples could see each other 24/7 and survive, but it does refresh the relationship every time to just crave for the person for a little while.
I know exactly what you're saying. I was in a relastionship like yours. I would call every morning, even if I knew she (yes, She.) would be asleep and I would leave a voicemail saying something alone the lines of "I hope you slept well, and that u have a good day today. Call me whenever you wake up. I love you." And then I'd usually make one or two "random" calls during the day or then we'd talk before bed and at the end of every night-time phone call we'd say "Goodnight. Sweet dreams. Call me if you need anything, I'm always here for you. I love you. Goodnight." EVERY Single Night. I thought it felt sorta scripted after a few years but it's hard to break the habit. We also texted during the day notifying ea.other of what we were up to. I have to be honest, sometimes I felt like I was being smothering, and I didn't always enjoy the routine because there are days where I wanted more time just for me without having to worry about all the habits we'd accumulated, and then if there were days when our habits were off-kilter I felt like things weren't "going as good" or maybe there was something "wrong" with her. So if the habits are more obsessive rather than just having a strong relationship, where you know how/when to check-in with another (and ya'll are both happy with it)..then if things get rough these little habits might end up causing trouble. A relationship should be more about the feelings you have for another, and a sense of security in the relationship (can go most of the day without talking/hours at a time, without feeling neglected or insecure)- rather than just building habits together that inevitably become the relationship, and weave a safety net of boundaries, guidleines. etc.
Good luck hun, I'd say you're going fine.
-sara
Oh, and thank you for posting this. It's really refreshing to know that someone else has habits. I never thought about other couples doing this! (or not to the extent that I did). So yeah. Thank you for posting it : )
-sara
@Lord_Bacchus@xanga - I agree whole-heartedly with you. Space can bring two people together.
Me and fiance practically do the same things you guys do:). We're not around each other all the time and sometimes it's just comforting to know what the other person is doing and if they are ok. If there's one thing that I've learned is that what maybe considered smothering for one person isn't necessarily for another person. Therefore, if what ya'll doing draws ya'll closer together keep doing it because trust me when I tell that it will work out in the end. Excellent post!!!!
The line between good habits and bad habits is in different places depending on the relationship. Like you said, some people might think you're obsessive, or worse, smothering. But your boyfriend seems to like it, so it's a good habit for your relationship. Basically, a good habit is one that bring you two closer, and a bad relationship is one that drives you apart. That's how I'd define it anyway.
when we say goodnight he says the same arrangement of words each time. "goodnight sleep well I love you ttyl my love :)" that's usually how it goes. we always hold hands in the car. and of course at school we have a schedule of meeting eachother at lockers and between classes. but none of our habits are bad. oh and we always say goodmorning in the morning by text. we never call eachother unless it's an emergency or I'm away on some trip. but I don't mind. we talk all of the time and see eachother all of the time. so it's not like we're quiet when we're together just because we do a lot of texting/IMing rather than calling.
oh! and when he drops me off at my house I always say, "goodnight, I love you. drive safe! text me when you get home" haha
We are the same way... I kiss him twice & tell him I love him in the morning before I leave work. Sometimes he's still half asleep and doesn't remember it at all, but I would feel incredibly incomplete for the rest of the day if I didn't do it.
I also make it a point to make sure the last thing we say in any conversation (phone, text, etc) is "I love you!" -- Even if I say it, and then we say something random, I have to say it again. You can never say it enough though. :)
@Lord_Bacchus@xanga - I do agree with that also. We do talk a lot but at the same time, if I feel like I need alone time, or he does, we do give that space :)
@PeriwinkleAdonis@xanga - Hah yes, we both have unlimited plans!
@PMFoutofwater - It's not so much rehearsed- more so we got used to it and feel weird if we don't say it. It's,well,a Habit. lol
idk we don't really have any OMGZ HAVE TO habits. i mean we usually chat on aim, and end with "i love you, goodnight." but if that doesnt happen, neither of us will evaporate. we usually send little texts or pics messages throughout the day, but again, won't die if we don't. i think we both have a lot of faith in the relationship, and that's enough.
@saral102@xanga - thank you, and I know what you mean. Someday if Im too tired I won't feel like typing it out or saying it lol, but I still do it because if I don't, i feel weird. My last relationship,which was my real first one, he was way overboard with it - he was very clingy and that's why I broke up with him. It's good to have boundaries.
@Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - Makes sense :)
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - We also have a lot of faith but it's one of those things that just became a habit, especially because we're always lovesick.
@KittySolntsova@xanga - - hah good luck with UFC.
@MJCbabyCJE@xanga - EXACTLY! I just feel weird if I don't see say some stuff. And neither of us are the clingy type either - it's just HABIT lol.
I was in an LDR for pretty much two and a half years, so uhh, I feel you there. My boyfriend and I were ALWAYS texting or talking on the phone. But it was almost like mutual assurance for both of us, so it was okay. :) Now I live with him. We still do it. :P Once you have to live without someone for so long, you get over the 'smothering' idea and end up appreciating eachother more. In my opinion.
My boyfriend and I are very clingy towards one another... Actually, it seems as tho he is more clingy to me at times... Maybe i enjoy my private time more than he does.. I don't ALWAYS like to talk on the phone, he likes to talk on the phone way more than i do. I can't say i really mind it, it just reasures me that he does love me.
But i always text him while he is at work saying "I hope you're having a good day at work baby..." ; somethin along those lines.. And one day i forgot to send him that text and he brought it up to me ... lol.. It was kinda cute.
Hm... we always ask about what food we're eating, how we slept, I say "I love you" to him often (of course he says it back) and uhhh... well I don't think either of us have any bad habits cause we've worked most kinks out by now.. 2 years and some odd months in.
Nine times out of ten we call each other babe instead of our names. I got so used to it that once I was scrolling through my phone to get to him, so I could text him, and I hit the B key instead of D. lmao.
@raedium@xanga - Glad to see it can still continue to happen after moving in!
@wideopenskies@xanga - - hah happens to me
Well, my boyfriend and I don't do this anymore because he no longer has a phone or webcam and he recently moved to... MISSISSIPPI!
But we've been together for almost 2 years and 4 months now and these are things we used to do. I can't tell much if they're bad or good, so that's for you to decide:
-we called each other every morning, (usually i'm the one calling him) to tell him I'm leaving for work or school, though sometimes he wakes ME up.
-we sleep on the phone..
-same as you --how was your day, what'd you do ? any plans today?
-We call each other mean names instead of sweet, cute names.
-We text each other, or usually call, to tell when we're going out and when we'll be back..
i don't know what else at the moment, but those are a few.
I just made this video two days ago to send it to my boyfriend...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0iXrzWU4jU
@xnikulit@xanga - I'm moving back to my country so I will be in that predicament in a year! So it's gonna be hard, I can only imagine how it must be for him. And that's a cute video :)