Wednesday, 24 February 2010
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Former Whore, Current Coach
And I say coach because this is about that exciting and glorious game of flirting.After a solid year and a half of man-whoring, I find myself once again in the gentle binds of monogamy. It’s been awhile since my last girlfriend, but it still feels familiar. I won’t say that I’ve given up all aspects of my former status, but until recently I had no use for them.
My friend is an attractive girl. As in, she does modeling. Legit, non-porno modeling. She also happens to be incredibly shy and, what I like to call, “flirt-dumb”. She has no idea how to read guys. Unless a guy literally goes “HEY I LIKE YOU” while holding flowers and a neon sign of a heart, she’d insist he just sees her as a friend. Granted, everyone is shy and fears rejection, but cars would stop at green lights to let this girl walk across the street and she still doesn’t understand. After finding out she also hadn’t been laid in almost a year, my heart broke and I now had a little project which to apply my skills.
So we broke into a long discussion with myself basically schooling her in the key things that almost everyone does (in order) when they see someone they like. This list is a rough run through of the basics. If you are flirtatiously adequate, you need not read these. If you are flirt-dumb, listen up.
1.) Eye contact- Lock eyes, check them out while they know you’re doing it, whatever. Eyes can scream volumes of info.
2.) Proximity- Conversations can’t start from 30 feet away. Get within ten feet of the person. The “accidental” run-in is almost guaranteed. This of course leads to conversation.
3.) Eyes on you- If my eyes are looking around the room more than they are on you, I’m not interested.
4.) Breaking The Physical Barrier- A hand on the hip or lower back, a touch of the hand. Breaking this barrier is a key indicator. If someone doesn’t think you’re attractive, they won’t touch you.
5.) Seclusion- One-on-one time is pretty obvious. At this point, it’s just a matter of who is going to move in for the kiss first.
You don’t really need anything after that. If you don’t see a person is attracted after those signs, you’re dating IQ is down with the dinosaur bones.
Long story short, the following Friday, we made our way out to one of the local bars for her to scope out some guys. We looked around and I spotted a guy who was checking her out. I ran through the steps one more time and told her basically how to go about each of them. Half an hour later, I had nailed all five signals (almost in order) and she had made her way to the dance floor with a rather attractive man, if I do say so myself. My work being done, I finished my beer, told her I was leaving and that I’d catch up with her tomorrow to see how things went. She spent the night at his place. Oh and they plan on seeing each other again. Dating may even be in the works.
I don’t know whether to be more proud of her or myself. She had the opportunity to get laid and took advantage of it, but it was my skill and guidance that got her there. Either way, I was happy to see my skills can still be used for the advantage of other horny individuals.
Some of you may complain that this stuff is common knowledge. Well, IT IS, which is why it surprises me every time people completely miss these hit-you-in-the-face basics. That said, did I miss any steps in the adventure that is seduction? Better yet, are you a retired (man)whore and play the role of “wingman” when you go out with friends?
Tips and tricks?
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- From: mcmeister89@mancouch
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Comments (35)
"Either way, I was happy to see my skills can still be used for the advantage of other horny individuals."
LOL. Your posts are always enjoyable to read ^_^ that was pretty awesome of you to help your friend out. Some of us just need a bit of prodding, I suppose.
I stick friends together... so far I'm successful.
Hahaha, I like the idea! Not much is missing, unless you wanted/had to coach them in kissing or dating or something along that means.
For "flirt-dumb" people, this is pretty much the bible of getting laid
LOVES THIS!
Aw, that's cute, in a bit of an odd way.
@wideopenskies@xanga - @dlmcniel@xanga - @Tigersandtulips@xanga - @dangdaisy@xanga -
@dangdaisy@xanga - @torisun@xanga - @Keeping__Karma@xanga - Well, I suppose it works well, if all you ever care about is the lay. Just don't expect to ever find a commitment if word gets out (still possible, not likely). There is only one way to discern someone who is almost definitely capable of commitment from those who's odds are 90% accurate.
this makes me giggle. =]
You mean a FEMALE MODEL GOT A DATE. NOOOO. COuldnt be that would never happen ever. It must have been your jedi like skills. :)
just busting your balls..... but seriously.
Lol I like the list but too much eye contact can be extreeemmeeely creeepy. The obvious "I'm into you" kind of eye contact where they hardly ever look away. I feel so awkward!
Ha, nice job :)
I guess it's sort of nice that the modeling industry hasn't corrupted her, though. I've heard a lot of horror stories.
@jasonwl@xanga - Um... I've been with my current girlfriend for 4 months. I used these to get her. These are basic tips on how to begin approaching people, which for some, is the hardest part. How you choose to go about things after that is up to the individual.
It just so happened that my friend didn't really know how to do it either. And an update on their status, she's currently still in contact with him 2 weeks later. You don't get that with a one night stand. So, yeah. Proof says you're wrong.
@Prof_Padula@xanga - I had all the confidence in the world she could get a date and a lay. Her problem was that she had no idea how to take the first steps. Like I said man, she legit went like a year without getting laid. And not by choice either.
@Nellie0x@xanga - Well yeah. But the difference between "Hey you're hot" and "You don't mind if I stalk you for a few weeks?" is pretty big. My favorite is just to let them catch me checking them out or vice versa without suddenly jerking my eyes away. (Such a rookie move to avoid eye contact as soon as they see you).
"If someone doesn’t think you’re attractive, they won’t touch you."
I started laughing when I read that line. I have a friend who is extremely flirt-dumb, and I try to help her but...this post is a thousand times better for her to read.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - Let me know how it goes when the pheromones lose their potency. It doesn't count until your hearts merge and beat as one. If you're still together half a century from now and the bond has only strengthened; that's what counts.
A lot of people want a lifelong relationship, but go through so many short ones instead. The only certain way to leave no room for doubts that it's important to even eventually happen is to not have interest in anything else up to and past that point when you meet the person you want to spend your life with. If everyone followed this rule and cared about their SOs needs more than their own wants, then I'd guarantee we'd all be married and happy early in adulthood. I know it'd still be a little more complicated than that. But I believe I made my point.
But the problem is that too many people don't just because they think nobody else does by choice. All it takes is to be one of those who does, and only interest yourself in potentials who do. Court as many as you can, until you find someone you share an unshakable bond with. Marry that person and live happy for as long as you both shall live.
@imfallingintheocean@xanga - If someone doesn't touch you, it doesn't always mean they don't find you attractive. It might just mean that person's focus is much deeper than what is typically thought about.
I don't think it's that most women don't know how to flirt. It's that they are aware that what they're after and what the dude is after, often, are two different things. I'm hesistant to bat my eyelashes and touch some stranger's shoulders if I know that there is no way I'm going home and sleeping with him (which 90% of the time is what he's hoping for). Maybe it's not that you friend didn't know the game; maybe the one you're talking about isn't the one she was interested in playing.
Good post. Solid advice.
I'm surprised a girl that shy would be into an open relationship.
Cool, though.
@jeanine - No no, this was exactly the game she was talking about. Like I said, we had a long discussion on it. She knew what she wanted, I knew what she wanted. She even ended up possibly getting some solid dating out of it. Plus, I never said "most women", I said "people" which I've experienced to be true. The things I laid out here aren't really flirting tips. They're more for how to start up the flirtations. Most people have trouble getting started, my friend is one of them. After they started talking, it was all her doing. She could have botched it at any time, but she didn't.
@jasonwl@xanga - I read your comments, I went to your site, and I think you're someone who would rather cower behind a moral high horse than face certain facts. I have my faith, my religion, but I don't let it obscure my views on reality or use it as a box to hide in when things don't make sense or as a crutch when I don't agree with something.
Let me ask you something. Are you married? Are you dating? When was the last time you got kissed? You say all these things that you believe people should live by, but do you? And if you do, how is it working out? Found that soul mate you speak so much of, you know, the one you'll have after the pheromones wear off? No? I'm not surprised even if you are hitting your mid thirties soon.
You even contradicted yourself in your response. Your last paragraph even says "Court as many as you can, until you find someone you share an unshakable bond with. Marry that person and live happy for as long as you both shall live." Guess what, going out to bars, parties, and approaching people that maybe you share a class with is the FIRST STEP IN COURTING THEM. Hell, approach an attractive girl you see at your favorite bookstore in your favorite section, who knows, maybe she's a winner. But you won't know till you talk to her. The fact is, those short relationships are the ones we use to learn about how to find the long lasting one that hopefully lasts the rest of our lives. Experience is the best teacher. For someone who says their expertise is reasoning, I thought that would have been a no-brainer.
I know where you're coming from. I've seen this hundreds of times. From church camps to campus preachers. You're a deeply religious Christian and you like to make sure everyone else knows where you stand on an issue, which will always be with some over-the-top romanticized cliche statement. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-Christian or even anti-religion, but when your preaching includes faulty logic that reaches levels of ridiculous that even Bugs Bunny would do a double take at, I won't stand for it. Especially when you contradict yourself, I mean it's hard to stay respectable after that.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - I never said anything about an open relationship. She's single right now, looking for a guy. She just needed some nudging to get back into the dating community.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - Oh. "My friend is an attractive girl." Not "My girlfriend is attractive." I was pretty confused why you would want to do that... and then share it with the world.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
How can she not know that men like her if they stare at her will oogle eyes? She is just playing dumb, seriously... I can't stand girls like that. She has to know to some degree.
And I am all for bed time fun and slutting around, but going to his house after meeting him just that night?! That shit is dangerous... I used to always yell at my cousin for bringing strange men home from the bar while her two year old slept in the next room over. It's dangerous to be alone with strangers, and by strangers I mean someone you met that night. Maybe a day or two more would be more appropriate.... or maybe I'm just paranoid.
I loved this post :) actually, I love all your posts.
I have to agree with all the advice given here..I can be flirt-dumb too, and everybody could use a reminder. My issue, more than anything, is that I tend to be approached by the wrong guy...I look a little older than I am, so I've gone on dates with guys in their twenties, but I'm only seventeen. *shrugs* hopefully my luck will turn soon...
I also have to agree with the above poster..I'd be creeped out about sleeping with a guy I literally just met. You could call that paranoid, but I think it would've been more cautious to wait a little bit..
Does anyone else find it a little odd that someone would be proud of the fact that you left your friend with a random guy at a bar and let them stay overnight at their house?...
I don't know, personally I wouldn't allow my friend to do that since it could be dangerous and I wouldn't want to let them get raped and killed, but then again I'm not a flirting/whoring expert. lolz.
@SamiiSaysHaii@xanga - I agree.... women need to be careful!! Going home with strangers can lead to dangerous situations. Not something to be happy about... well I guess you should be happy since she was alive/ un-traumatized the next day!
My guy friends would try to stop me from leaving with some random guy.... because he may seem normal and cool at the time but who knows what they are really like!
Plus seriously, you're proud you got a super hot model girl laid? I find it hard to believe that you even thought that it might be difficult......
Just wondering.... why is it good to get laid? Why do people want to get laid?
(Sorry this is a sincere question. I really want to know- I'm kind of ignorant I guess.)