Tuesday, 23 February 2010
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Is it Easier to Have the Same Profession?
When it comes to work, there are 2 categories of people:
A. People whose work is just something they do, something that starts at 9 and ends at 5.
B. People whose work is who they are. It's what they eat, breathe, and live and speaks worlds of their character and values.
I think there are several occupations that attract type B people - art, law, finance, politics, medicine, etc. and I don't think one type of person is better than the other. So when it comes to relationships for type B people, are the most fulfilling relationships the ones with 2 people are in the same career?I think the answer to this is different for men and women. This topic has long been debated, with conclusions that indicate women more often seek a complete emotional, intellectual, and physical connection with their partners than do men. My own observations have seen a much greater number of women physicians with physician partners, while many men are with non-medical partners.
Prior to this year, in thinking about this question, my naivete would always proclaimed "No! It shouldn't matter the kind of work each person does. If you want it to work, you can make it work!" sure, you may be able to make it "work", but would this really be the best sort of relationship?
Some personal experience:
The majority of my friends are non-medical and for the most part, I feel the same kind of connection and bond between the 2 groups. I think a big part of this is because outside of the hospital, I almost never want to talk about anything medically related. What do I like to chat about instead? How I'm totally in love with my resident, how the chief of surgery smiled at me and my heart melted a lil, how the Department Head touched my shoulder and I got chills lol. Yes, I know, I'm frivolous. But during the past year, there were some very difficult moments for which my non-medical friends just could not sufficiently be there for me. When I lost my first 2 patients. When I made a mistake and realized that people are going to die because of me (last entry). I confided the situation and my emotions with them but they could neither understand how I was feeling nor could they give me relevant advice. My medical friends, however, could understand and could give perspective because they had been there. They could provide empathy and sympathy.
So back to generalizations: if you have an artist and a politician who both work 80 hours a week and neither has a clue about the other's professional world, is "love" enough for them to make things work? Would a more meaningful relationship stem from 2 people who understand each other both socially and professionally? If your SO cannot understand or comfort you during the most emotionally taxing parts of your career, can things really work? Forget about all the idealistic "powers of love", let's be practical here.
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- From: wonderland7386@xanga
- Name: wonderland7386
- About Me: love, sex, and medicine.
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Comments (95)
It seems that there should be a happy medium. You should apply yourself fully to whatever profession you choose or end up in. However, your profession should not be your life unless it really, truly coincides with what you consider to be your vocation.
Side note: If your person can't comfort you during your trials, maybe it has less to do with their profession and more to do with simple compatibility.
Personally, I'd rather not be in the same profession as my husband. It gives us something to talk about, and additional ways to learn about and support one another :o)
If my future love does not share my passion for my major, we'd completely fall apart.
I'm studying RTVF (Radio) and I live and breathe music (& occasionally politics.)
I feel that I don't have much in common with someone who is, if even mildly, uninterested in music.
It's a combination of the type of job and then the individual ultimately. When I was in the media industry before (slightly still am, but not as much as before - and when I say media, it was entertainment, working on video, editing, to make dvd magazines and/or work on tv shows), it require a lot of my time. And considering it was male dominated, yes I'd spend lots of late hours working on projects, and that's purely what I was doing. But the SO at the time could not get it and was always giving me issues about my work and hours. You notice most actors/stars tend to date other actors/stars? You know how difficult it is to maintain a life under the spotlight with a person who is not accustomed to it?
It's easier when you can find someone who can understand your point of view. Sometimes it's easier when they're in the same field (and for this case, there are some fields that do require this), but agreed that there are times you just want someone outside that circle. In either case, I think it can be resolved with good communication between you and the SO, with the willingness and openness to understand each other's point of view.
Both me and the girl I consider my SO (haven't asked her yet), we both work in retail part-time, although she works selling shoes and I work in jewellery. On saying that though, it doesn't come up much in conversation, although that is possibly because it is not the only way that we define our identities. It does give us something to talk about though, because we are able to empathise when one or the other of us fails to make target etc. There is a lot to be said for being in the same profession, even if it is different companies within the same profession. One the other hand though, it should never be the be all and end all to someone's identity.
That's my two cents.my boyfriend is going to med school. i am really nervous about this happening :( eeek help
If it's a wide genre of a career, like say.. you're both artists, or musicians, or something of the sort... then it could work well due to similar interests.
However, if it's something like where you both work the same job in retail.. it reaaallyyy cuts down on things to talk about. Nobody wants to hear about their own job 24/7 when they're stressing about it.
for careers and jobs the answer is no.
for places where you sell your life; like medicine, project management, international relations, and similar. you need someone with a similar time schedule. this does require the same profession, but it helps.
people (or at least guys) don't like to be told how to do their job. it shatters the idea of being 'independent', and is inevitable if a couple does the same thing. ie don't buy that house, it wont make good ROI.
also date someone with an IQ above room temperature. it will still be hard to comprehend things like that, but give em15 min, and maybe. also early on in the relationship, dont over complicate things. rather than 'head of radiology' or w/e say the relationship to you. like my boss' supervisor or 'guy in another specialty'. that way when you ask for advice, it isn't a strange irrelevant relationship.
i'm sorry about the situation, however, if you simply lost them... girl, search the each room and the eves, they probably didn't get far! :)
i would prefer not to be with someone in the same field
My boyfriend and I work together now in different departments of the same store. It's cool to complain to each other 'cause we know the same people and can understand where the other person's coming from.
We're both in school and while we won't have the exact same profession, we'll both be working in the school system. Both of our ultimate goals include becoming college professors. We'd be teaching different subjects (psychology for me, history for him) but I'm sure we'll have lots to relate to. Sometimes I think I'd enjoy being with a psychology major more and I know he'd appreciate someone as interested in history but you don't choose who you love and at the end of the day, I'd rather have him.
Wouldn't you think life with your SO might get boring and downright irritating? Would you gang up on fellow coworkers if both of you worked in the same department and a coworker claimed your SO messed up something? I feel like i'd get extremely bored/angry (which I don't ever get bored or angry now) with him if we worked in the same area. My boyfriend is doing work towards his Ph.D in Chemical Engineering and I will be doing Clinical Lab Science stuff. Both of us might get angry and try to prove each other wrong or we'd have nothing different to talk about because we're in the same field. What happens if you and your SO breakup? How awkward would it be to run into him or her at place you both work at? In all, I think differences rather than similarities pull people together...IMO.
@jamesylove@xanga - Be there for him as much as you can. Give all the support you can offer because he'll need it. Is he going somewhere close by you?
@feelslikejuly@xanga - yes in philly and im in delaware. i really love him and want to make it work but i've heard med school can take a toll on relationships. i think i am also freaked out because his mom and dad met in med schoo :(
@jamesylove@xanga - Med school can take a toll on a relationship because it consumes so much time. I think if both of you understand that he'll be busy studying a lot and you may not see him as often as you'd like, but you both will try afford some time for each other. The distance and time spent apart will test both of you; if your relationship is solid it will make it through this difficult time. I know for a fact I was freaking out just like you as well when I found out my boyfriend decided to go to UC Berkeley (in CA) for Grad School while i'm back here in PA. This was in August and we're doing pretty well. I hope the best for you both. =)
I don't think it REALLY matters much. Though my fiance and I both plan on becoming morticians which I think will be great because we can own our own business.
I know a couple who were both photographers, and that caused a LOT of problems. Art is a competitive field, and since it's so subjective it's hard to judge what's good and what's not. But, people try to do it anyway. I'm a painter, and I would absolutely NOT date another painter, and I'd really prefer not to date another artist at all. My boyfriend is into computer networking, and that works just fine for us. When I need to talk about art and seek advice for my work, that's what my artist FRIENDS are for, or instructors, etc.
I'm a music major, and I'd really prefer to be with someone who isn't in music, even if that means they don't understand my commitments as deep as I would like them to. There's less natural competition that way.
thing is, if you're with someone who's too similar to yourself (ie. having the same profession), you may get sick of it after a while. that's one of the perks of relationships is dating people who are different and learning about new things whether it someone else's profession or music tastes or whatever.
I'd prefer to date a type A rather than a workaholic because I need a lot of attention and would like to spend a lot of time with him after work. as much as I'm attracted to the discipline of doctors, they are just too busy for me and I can rarely see him so it is like a long distance relationship. it might work for some but not me.
depends on the job similarities really. If its a politician and anything - well they won't be talking if you catch my drift. I am definitely into the Type B in this instance. I love my job and a mate in customer service would understand some of the things I talk about - while a medical student might not appreciate my anger or give a damn.
well, i dont know, i kind of often wonder the same thing. i am an animator, and my boyfriend is into making music, manipulating sounds and such. i think it is ok because we are both artists and we both love and admire the works of the other. there have been times where i'm frustrated with difficulties involved in animation, whether its the actual animating part or struggles with the technology, and he doesnt have a clue - but i do have other friends i can rely on to help me with that. i don't think he has to be my EVERYTHING.
I think the short answer to your title is yes.
I believe what you say is generally true, that a relationship needs to be founded upon an understanding, which in turn means similar profession, culture, and social life. With that said, it's still possible for two people to understand each other despite having different professions. For instance, a doctor who has lost a patient may be able to understand a solider who lost a fellow comrade.
Another important element is the willingness to understand. Even if your friends don't know what it is like to lose a patient, they still have to ability to relate and try to understand based on their own experiences.
Well, that was a mouthful. Maybe I'm naive.
im going to physical therapy school, and my bf has a marketing degree. we both respect each others career choices and we work well together :)
I've heard women with high iq's often remain single longer because they get bored with their partners. I guess that could be. I think it's not just profession that's an issue, it's just whether the two people are committed.
Not to belittle your particular career choice, and I have the second-highest respect to those who choose the long and difficult road of professional medicine... reading your entry, you don't sound like a "Type B" person. You don't sound like a Type A, either, by your description... I think a useful framework might be looking at how people place value on themselves. Is your self-worth tied up in your job? Sounds like it is, maybe more than a little bit...but it certainly doesn't seem to be the only thing that matters to you. In your case, I'd actually bet its pretty difficult for you to find a matching partner in the field... as many in the medical practice are, as you suggest, far more to the "work is everything" extreme than you seem to place. I'd look at it more as a scale... "Self Worth Independent of Job" as a 1, and "Self Worth totally Dependent upon Job" as a 10... would you consider yourself a 10? I read more a 6 or 7. In that range, it'd be okay to find someone with a similar interest in their job, but possibly not in your field... however, I think you are correct in supposing that what you call "Type B" and what I would characterize as "10s" would be unfulfilled without a partner sharing their work-life, even outside of work-hours.