Monday, 22 February 2010
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The Biological Implications of Sex
I've been adding up a few factors lately and trying to make sense of it.
We all know that sex is a biological need for [most] people, that's not the question.
We mostly tend to only have sex with people who we are physically and [sometimes] emotionally or mentally attracted to.But what I've been considering the most lately is that the main purpose of sex, biologically, is to make babies. I know that isn't it's conscious main purpose for many, many people; a lot of people just want a good bang, and that's cool too. But back to the biological perspective; baby making. Now, we most certainly don't all WANT babies when we're having sex, especially those who are not prepared to be parents yet. But biologically speaking, is having sex with someone like saying, "I would make children with you?" We do have sex for pleasure, but when we have sex are we subconsciously only having sex for pleasure? Or are we having sex with a particular person because subconsciously our hormones are saying, "this is a good person to make children with?"
My second question, is, should you be having sex with someone who you would actually want children with? Because I feel like in sex, that is just the implication you lay down on the table. It's a very subtle implication, an unconscious one, and both parties might not even realize it; but I think it's there in some way.
Or, is there simply no implication of "I would make children with you" during sex and it's all just done for pleasure?
I feel like the reason why f*ck buddies sometimes start to get attached is because subconsciously they start to feel that biological need... so as to say, I am fake-making babies with this person and there's no commitment on either side and it feels... wrong? Maybe. I have no idea. I've never been in that situation.
I know that I definitely don't think about baby-making when I'm having sex, I'm far too young to have children. But if this were so many more years down the road, then the though of having kids with my boyfriend wouldn't terrify me as long as I could support them. I think it is an implication in our relationship that, I love you, I trust you, I would have kids with you if we could; these younger years are just practice. Haha. But for the time being I know our train of thought is more so, I love you, I trust you, I enjoy being with you so let's just do things that make us happy. But there's still that unconscious thought... I would totally make babies with you.
I know it's all kind of muddled and confused, but if you get what I'm trying to lay out here- any thoughts?
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- From: greenglow28@xanga
- About Me: I'm an 18 year old college student, but for god's sake, please judge me on what I have to say, and not my age or the rest of my generation.
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Comments (80)
With the exception of prostitutes and gold-diggers, I think you have an interesting idea. Unless you're having sex for a materialistic gain, I think there could possibly be a subconscious baby-makin' motive for what attracts us.
I've never thought of it like that though. Cool post.
so, i have a fuck buddy of sorts now. and I was JUST thinking about this stuff..kinda.. last night. LIke how, alot of fuck buddies get more attached because it's like saying, im giving this up to YOU that means that you were above others, this means something special.
like..it went from us just fucking, to..last night i stayed over and we cuddled and went for sushi and he kissed me goodbye at the door...
which is wierd. considering BOTH of us were upfront about like, i dont want a relationship, yet..maybe subconciously we are starting to act like that because...our biological roots are being like " hey. remember the whole..repopulating the world? well..you can't just have a buddy and not feel anything. HA".
i dunno.
anyways, i liked reading this.
I'm thinking of whether or not I want to breed with you. If we are not a match, I'm going to make your life Hell.
I can resist the desire to be a fuck-buddy because that's not my motivation in life.
interesting...yeah thats why I choose to not have a fuck buddy. Im that kind of a person where feelings WILL get involved. no questions about it.
I feel like sex is a VERY intimate act. And of course in order for you to do something as intimate, as sharing your body, with someone you must trust and at least like them very much.
I dont see how someone could say their feelings never get caught up in it...its only human to develope FEELINGS. we experience emotions that is what separates us from other animals.
As for subconsciously thinking "Id like to have babies with you."
...the answer is yes. I thought this was already proven. Its kinda along the same lines as why Men are so attracted to curves on a woman. Big breast and nice shapely hips. Its shows you can bear healthy children to term and deliver.
When you are physically attracted to someone its your body telling you that its a good match and with your genes and your partners genes you would make very healthy and attractive children. survival of the fittest.
Hence: why the not so attractive do not find partners as easily.
First point, having sex with someone is simply saying "I find you attractive as a mate". It has nothing to do with willing/wanting to have kids, unless of course that's your main purpose. Sex feels good. Nature made it feel good because if it didn't we wouldn't do it and our race would end. Thus, sex is a pleasure thing. Making babies is sort of like a prim and proper excuse for doing it.
Second, this could have something to do with the emotional attachment that forms between fuck buddies, but I believe it has more to do with time. If you have a regular fuck buddy, you probably spend a decent amount of time together. So if you were attracted to them enough to fuck them on a regular basis, chances are you're probably compatible on some other level too.
I've had fuck buddies that I only saw from time to time and that I didn't spend time with outside of sex. Nothing developed. If you treat a fuck buddy relationship like it's supposed to be treated, feelings shouldn't really ever enter the equation.
I believe it is utterly subconscious and that is why women are prone to get attached. Where as men have always evolved as spreading their seed for lack of better words. All humans produce pheromones and others pick up on it, even though we cannot smell them.
I think the attachment really all falls down on the woman. But what your idea states proves evolutionary sense.
I like this post because it is just you thinking. You're not making a point, you're just trying to make people think and I think we need more posts like this, not ones that present a one-sided argument.
I was thinking the other day while I was watching Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant on MTV about how none of the couples look good together. Like, the guys are usually ugly wife-beater types. If those girls were actually thinking about whether or not they'd have a baby with these guys, I doubt they would have done the deed with them.
You know in some ways this might be true. I think that was something that blocked my desire to do the act w/ my ex. Eventually I just couldn't imagine having kids with him, and in essence it just put a lock on my intimacy level with him. O.o
@TheRealMelanie@xanga - i wonder if gold-diggers and the other groups you mentioned are not subject to it, or if they may simply become numb to it
@green_ivy_chains@xanga - seriously made me go 'aww' XD i have a question for you in private, let me know if interested in helping out.
I was thinking about that a while ago and discussing it with some friends, when we questioned the connection of this dilemma and fertility in some deep lunchtime conversation, haha.
The main purpose of sex is no longer to reproduce, it's to please. So some of the points you brought up may be true.
However, our "attractions" DO have a connection to our instinctual desire to reproduce and carry on the more desirable genes of our partner. People still "mate" for strength, money, looks/physical traits, and more. That's millions of years of evolution we can't suddenly flip around.
@lenybobsyouruncle@xanga - whats your question?
I think thats plausible, but there may be exceptions to this and results may be different between males and females.
Interesting concept; I've never thought of it that way, but with minor exceptions, I could see this theory functioning. I know I have at the very least been good friends with every guy I've ever had sex with, so perhaps that subconscious implication is there.
well, scientifically you bond because of oxytocin. If you could block that hormone, then you wouldn't bond.
A person is sexy because they're considered "genetically superior" ... basically yes, the reason why you fuck someone is because they're deemed good enough to make babies with.
@wishtoremainunknown@xanga - why is no one aware that humans do NOT detect pheromones? the vomeronasal organ in humans is not developed enough to detect them. seriously, biologically proven.
@softaswater@xanga - I've always heard otherwise
I think I'm attracted to older men because they are usually stable enough to be providers, so if I do get pregnant, I think I'll feel more secure than with a young guy. not too sure. I'm just more drawn to older strong looking men.
The reason why sex feels good is who would want to have babies if there wasn't some type of a perk to it? We can thank the Darwin Theory for that one. If sex were painful then who would do it? No one. Having babies is painful and causes at a minimum 18 years of grief. Your body needs some reason to want to procreate.
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/dan_dennett_cute_sexy_sweet_funny.html
Well being the biology student I am, I have actually had lectures about this.
Sex is pleasurable because if it wasn't, we wouldn't survive as a species. I think most people have in mind to have sex for the pleasurable consequences, which is great for the species continuation because accidents happen. They happen a lot.
I don't believe that most people get attached because their biological drives are kicking in. Sex can cause a lot of emotional feelings and you can develop an attachment from that alone.
But we are programmed to want sex. And have babies. We don't think or maybe even want to have offspring most of the time, but the only reason sex is pleasurable is because it propagates more offspring. Say someone didn't like sex at all. What are the likelihoods of that person having a child? The more pleasure you get from it, the more you're going to seek it, and more chances of a mishap.
It's evolution, my dearest. Survival of the... horniest? :D
@sexncookies@xanga - yeah, studies have shown that people are attracted to mates who have a dissimilar immune system, which would create the healthiest babies.
@ingiardino@xanga - i also enjoyed reading a thought-provoking post with no ulterior motive (though i know usually my posts are more biased, haha)
@cherries_andsociopaths@xanga - i
was thinking that about bonding hormones, too. i think THAT's why fuck
buddies get attached. but i think those hormones are released because
pair-bonding makes us better parents by creating a more stable
environment for our potential offspring.
for my own two cents, i'd just like to add that i always ALWAYS consider this, totally consciously- that's why i'm waiting to have sex till i get married (well, one of many practical/personal/philosophical/religious reasons). as someone who is strongly against abortion, i would never have sex with someone with whom i would not make babies. and i would not want to make babies with someone with whom i didn't plan on spending the rest of my life. sooooo yeah.
@wishtoremainunknown@xanga - check. wikipedia, or a biopsychology book. its true.
Not that children are the FIRST thing on my mind when having sex...
but I was taught at a very young age NOT to have sex with someone who you think would be a terrible father.. and I think I've kept myself that way. I don't bang if potentially, even with protection, there's a chance at a baby, and I don't think he could handle it.
I have always thought about this, but yes, I do agree that sex is meant to be pleasureable and if it weren't, humans will become extinct b/c no one would want to do it.
@Ashioz@xanga - I agree. Just in case you do get preggers, make sure the man is attractive to you physically, emotionally, and mentally.
This seems a little over-analyzed to me, but it's an interesting thought. Though, since I do not ever want children, this never occurs to me. Sex is an act of love to me. I know that's not how everyone feels about it and I have no problem with that, but I could never do the fuck-buddy thing.