Monday, 22 February 2010
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Friends who Snuggle
The other day I had a (female) friend over to watch some movies. Everything was cool until I asked her if she wanted to snuggle and was met with a resounding, "mm mm." (That's "no" if you couldn't interpret my transliteration.) We finished the movie, she went home, and she hasn't said more than a casual "hi" when we've seen each other at mutual social gatherings since then. I really like the girl, but only as a friend, so it kinda sucks to think I may have lost that because of what was, in hindsight, a stupid question on my part.
I like snuggling with my chick friends. To me it shows trust and mutual feelings of friend-love. I'm not sure I'd be entirely comfortable with a girlfriend of mine snuggling with another dude, but when both parties are single, I don't see it as representing much more than that.
What do you guys think? What is the limit as to how far you would want to go with someone for whom you harbor no romantic feelings and/or sexual attraction?
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About the Author
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- From: Twin_Blades@xanga
- Name: Ender
- About Me: I write when I feel. I write when something touches me, when I catch a glimpse of someone's soul and find it beautiful. Because they all are, you know. No matter how they've been scarred, how rough they are on the outside, look at someone's soul and I will love them. I can't help it. Because underneath it all . . . they're just like me.
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Comments (125)
i agree that cuddling is harmless. try and talk to her, she may have just mistaken your harmless cuddling, as an advance on her. it definitely must be a mutual want/need with someone you are completely comfortable with & know that those feelings wont develop. just my thoughts. =)
I'm sorry, but that sounds... kinda weird. I don't think people expect guys to snuggle unless they really like the person they're with, and even then it's really strange for a guy to actually request a snuggle.
Of course, I have personal space issues, so you may not care what I have to say.
I certainly don't mind as long as it's not someone who I'd be uncomfortable with.
You should probably talk to her, make sure she knows you didn't mean to make her uncomfortable.
I personally would only want to snuggle if I liked the person .. and only if we were single. Like, oh we like each other but we're just friends but we can snuggle and it might become more .. you catch my drift? Friend-snuffling, with no other feelings? Weird.
I don't like to snuggle with my guy friends unless I feel or see something more than a friend. Snuggling can lead to other things and that's when complications come in if one party wants more than the other.
@corpsegutted@xanga - I agree completely.
When my fiance first met, and he was putting his arms around me and stuff like that, it went through my mind that maybe he does this with everyone (at that point we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet), so I shouldn't be all happy about it like I was. Once we talked about it though, I felt much more comfortable knowing he only wanted to snuggle with me. If I hadn't been interested though, I wouldn't have let it happen..
If you wouldn't do it with the sex you aren't attracted to (for you, men) it is NOT platonic, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it is. I think you just got rejected, which sucks, and you're just making excuses so you feel better about it (which everyone does...)
Uh, that sounds realllllly weird. Unless you really like her, I wouldn't do that. I would never snuggle with someone that I wasn't pretty attracted to already.
I'm okay with hugs and all. But snuggling.. Gotta think twice. It can lead to a lot of other things..
I don't do that so much unless it's the bf... Some would think that's kinda slime-ballish (Not that I do really. I sometimes cuddle but it's in the spirit of a joke). It can be awkward if one of you has feelings for the other or if you do it too much and give the other the wrong idea
That'd be awkward. If you really need some cuddles, get a teddy bear. Cuddling/snuggling it for people in relationships, or for people who like each other :P. Explain to the girl that you think of it as a harmless friendship thing.
I'll do this with girls I'm interested in.
I won't ask, though. You should know.
@lewk@xanga - totally agree. asking makes it weird, and i'll only do it with girls i like (or at least am attracted to). i mean, what the fuck. what kind of guy likes snuggling for snuggling's sake?
I've only found a few friendships were we had the connection enough to all lay around and snuggle. Unfortunately we also had the kind of open relationship were we were all doing each other. Complicated and sorta irrelevant sense you wanted to snuggle without strings.
Anyway- most people can't handle snuggling with friends. It sorta feels more intimate in a way. I've only met a few girls who had no issue with it and the guys they cuddled with always wanted more eventually. Something about the physical intimacy. I've also been in a situation where platonic snuggling negatively affected my relationship. An ex boyfriend of mine had a very close lesbian friend who would sit in his lap sometimes and cuddle while we all watched movies. It hurt. Although it shouldn't, it did. We fought constantly about it.
Anyway- I guess what I'm trying to say is in all my adventures with open minded individuals it's never really just been cuddling. Personally, I find it easier to not have feelings for someone I'm fucking rather than the feelings that seem to always accumulate with falling asleep in someones arms.
I've never asked a girl to snuggle who I didn't want to shag. Why would I? Chances are, your mate thought you were like me.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
I snuggle a lot, but I guess I would have probably tried to feel her out a bit more before I just... asked her.
People have different interpretations of before and after the term is used. You may be fine with it, but she may not be. Whatever the case, don't force it. And if you feel that you did make a mistake, you can always pull her to the side and apologize. One of my close friends and I used to do that back in high school whenever we were at a party. Fast forward to the present, we felt that it wouldn't be a good idea and that she didn't want to send mixed messages (even when we were both single).
I snuggle with a real close guy friend, but I wouldn't snuggle if it wasn't for the fact that we're so close.
I'm a girl and my closest circle of friends has 3 guys and 4 girls (including me) and i chill with all of them equal amounts. All of the guys are single, so am I, i definitely dont see whats wrong with snuggling with them. I love all 3 guys as friends and could never see them as anything other than that but i snuggle with all of them loads! its a comforting thing to do, and it shows how comfortable we are with eachother. I do agree that if the girl wants to snuggle, then she will, as i'm always the one who jumps on the boys for a big hug etc (snuggling) so maybe dont ask.
Just talk this through with your friend and i'm sure it'll be fine :) x
I've never snuggled with anyone that I either hadn't already or wasn't planning on fucking.
I have some female friends that I'm decently close to. I've given the shoulder a couple of times when they were upset, but never a random cuddle session. As seen in the comments already, this is how most guys are.
Cuddling is simply a step towards making out, which leads to groping, which hopefully leads to sex. I don't mind cuddling, in fact I like it, but it would be weird to do with someone whom I had no romantic feelings towards.
Platonic snuggling is a myth.
LOL. Honestly If You Have The Balls To Ask Her To Snuggle, You Wouldnt Talk To Her Honestly? You Wouldnt Bring Another Girl Whom You've Snuggled With To Talk To Her. Sometimes Women Can Relate Better With Another Woman.
You Wouldnt Try Mending Things Between You Two? Wheres The Trust Then? If You Trust Her You Should Try Keeping Her As A Friend, Cause We Dont Come Accross Many Trustworthy Humans.
very rare. theres only 1 or 2 guys i might snuggle with just cause. then again...define "snuggle"
situations like these always end badly.
first it's snuggling.
then it's hang out n make out.
then it's friends with benefits.
and soon, it'll be nothing.
the only boys i've snuggled with were the ones I had romantic interest in, and they in me....