Sunday, 21 February 2010
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You Should Only Have Eyes for ME!
I'm dating my best friend of three years. We've been dating for almost four months now. When we were friends, we were very open with eachother, about everything. He talked to me about his past relationships, I did the same, we talked about potential prom dates when we were seniors and juniors in high school, pretty girls, cute guys, etc... As time went by, we began developing feelings for each other, but I did my best to hide this, as I didn't want it to ruin our friendship. After high school, I began going to college and he took off to marine bootcamp and was gone for three months, during which time I realized how much I actually missed spending time with him and how much I cared for him. He came home in october, for two weeks. Showed up at my door with a bouquet of red roses and asked me to be his girlfriend. I was a bit worried about the fact that he'd be leaving for more training again in just a few weeks, but said yes nevertheless.
Yay. Fairy tale ending, right? (Or... beginning I should say)
As we grew closer, I realized that little things began to bother me. I mean, we were both able to sit and watch tv together, and talk about how handsome tom welling is and how we would both "do him," if we were given the chance, the same with female celebrities (Jennifer Aniston). But it bothered me when he complimented someone in person, someone we actually knew, and called them "cute" or "pretty" or told them they looked nice, in front of me.
For example, I took him to a church event with me around christmas time, and when he was greeting my sister's friends, he apparently felt the need to compliment them. "Wow you look nice today Abi" he would say.. or he'd turn to me and say "see, I told you candy was cute." In front of her so that she would hear him. And when we sat down at our table, I made a comment about it. "I guess we just checkout every girl in sight right?" I asked sarcastically. (I was annoyed!) And he said he just did it to "be polite.." but that didn't change the fact that it bothered me. "It's different when you say it to their face" I said. "That's more than just being polite, I'm going to go be polite to that guy over there and see how you like it." He laughed and said "ok so were allowed to say we'd do celebrities on tv but can't even call someone we know pretty? That makes a lot of sense." Then, just as he said that, Candy came to sit at our table "what's up guys?" she asked. "She wants to get back at me for calling you pretty, is that really so wrong?" He said.
That didn't help his case at all.
He constantly does things like these, and sees nothing wrong with it. I guess you could say it makes me jealous... But why? It's not that I see any of these girls as a potential threat. It just bothers me.. I thought it was just common sense not to talk about other girls/guys when you're with your SO. I don't go around thinking or saying things like "well that guy over there is handsome. I should go compliment him" when I'm with him.
The same way, I feel he should only have eyes for me, is this a girl thing? Or am I being ridiculous and irrational? Is it REALLY too much to ask for?
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- From: angeldeamorx82
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Comments (134)
That sounds kind of controlling. It IS polite to tell somebody they look nice.
"You look nice today" doesn't automatically equal "I want to jump your bones" or whatever. It doesn't mean he's straying, it just means he thinks the girl has nice hair or whatever.
Saying it is ok for him to compliment TV girls but not girls in person is confusing. How is he supposed to know which contexts it is ok in and why do you get to decide?
You're being ridiculous and irrational, not to mention controlling. There is no harm in telling a person he/she is pretty or beautiful.
Frankly the only difference between you and him is that he has the guts to speak his mind regarding others' beauty.
hey ill agree with you. if i had a girlfriend and she would compliment other guys id be a little uset a well.
BUT i wouldnt mind it if she gave me a fait amount of compliments as well.
the problem begins when your bf stops saying nice things to you, but continues to say nice things to others.
at least, thats what bothers me
If you two hadn't had a history of complimenting people (celebrities or not..) then I could see where it would be slightly upsetting. I think that if you talk to him about how much it bothers you and he still continues, he's wrong. If he knows it bothers you, regardless of how silly it seems, he should stop. But until you have a serious conversation (minus the sarcasm) then you really shouldn't be mad at him.. It is sort of confusing.
But I totally get why you're upset. (:
Sounds like he is just a very forward and truthful person. If he sees someone who is deserving of a compliment, he'll say it. I'm the same way. I'll tell a girl she is pretty if she is, I think the world would be better if people actually talked to one another rather then staying bottled up. Do my compliments mean I have a wandering eye and my gf should be worried? Not at all.
some people just like to give complements, i like complementing others. smiles make the world go round.
umm it IS polite to say "hey you look nice today"
i mean, it not the same as "hey you're sexy today, lets make out in that closet."
by the way you're describing the situation you're being quite irrational. i mean, its a little arrogant to think that you're the only beautiful person in the world other than celebrities and you're the only one deserving of nice comments.
wouldnt you want your boyfriend to be open with you? if you start ridiculing everything hes going to close off to you and start feeling like he has to hide things. is that what you want? really what your doing is just pushing your boyfriend away. unless hes a pushover hes going to get sick of your controlling attitude.
You didn't give us much else of a context. Is your sister's friends around your age? Are they much younger? Much older? If they're, like, your age, it MIGHT be an issue.
Otherwise, I think that's sweet that he compliments people! It's not everyday you meet a guy who will openly compliment people he's NOT trying to hook up with.
If it keeps happening, or gets much much worse, I wouldn't worry about.
I like the sound of this guy, he's just keeping his options open. Ha, joking aside - do you REALLY think he'd be so blatant if he actually fancied these people? I'd be more worried if he was doing it behind your back.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
im with you 100%.
Being polite is holding the door for someone whose behind you, THINKING of something to say when you dont have to is not. Why do these ppl think its polite to compliment. Polite is not the word....it should be replaced with its Nice to compliment.
does he tell you the same thing? if not then you guys have a big problem... if he does and he expressing that he only has eyes for you sincerely then he must just be being polite.
It's polite to say "you look nice today". What's he supposed to say? "Hi, wow you look like shit today". No, girls like to hear that they look nice. Admit it, if another guy friend told you you looked nice in front of your boyfriend, you wouldn't be mad at him like you're mad at your boyfriend. You're just trying to control him, and that's wrong. Lighten up. If you're out in public and he's trying to pick up a girl, that's different. But saying "you look nice" isn't the same as saying "I'd do you".
And FYI, you do see them as a threat, or you wouldn't be jealous of them.
Yeah, yeah, you're being ridiculous and irrational. Calm down. You're still the one he's sleeping with every night.
..it's messed up that he told your friend that you "want to get back at him for calling her pretty."
You should relax a bit; if he didn't think you were pretty he wouldn't be with you.
@NadoAngel@xanga - Perfect comment, nothing more to add here. :)
it was immature of him to say you wanted to "get back" at him in front of other people. however, it was also immature of you to go off "complimenting" guys to spite him. you went out of your way to do that, while he was just making conversation.
there's absolutely nothing wrong with telling someone they look nice. it is polite! are people in relationships never allowed to compliment others?
I guess you have to deal with personal issues first.Don't be insecure. You deserve a nice comment and so as your friend.=)
He's just complimenting. He's just saying, "You look nice today." Not, "I wanna piece of that."
As some others might have said already, the real worrisome situation would be if he went around complimenting others behind your back, not right in front of you. (If he thinks/feels he's doing something wrong, he'd probably try to hide it, no?) The fact that he does it right in front of you (doesn't try to conceal it from you) isn't a bad thing necessarily. He seems like he's just a blatantly honest guy and, yes, quite 'nice' or 'friendly' or whatever.
He can hold back a bit, but then again you knew what you were getting into. If he doesn't respect you to stop when you've already told him you don't like it, then maybe..take a moment to think.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - or he could say "hey!" and not compliment them at all, turn to her and say "oh, so and so looked nice in that outfit, don't you agree?" and let the girl tell her.
I'd rather my boyfriend wait till they have left, and then I can be like "oh, my boyfriend and i think you look so cute today!', because to me, it seems less invasive to me.
I know where you're coming from, especially if he doesn't compliment you enough.
Its natural to be a little jealous but remember he's with you for a reason. The fact that he told her what you guys were talking about though, is a little disrespectful. Remember the little things that bother you shouldn't matter as much as how he treats you.
I'm going to try to stay neutral here, but I do think you overreacted a teeny bit. I'm sure he didn't mean, "Oh, man you look so hot and sexy! Can I devour you...right now?" Saying someone is looking nice or cute can actually be an innocent compliment.
I do understand that in new relationships, trust is harder to come by, but I think in the end, he'll really appreciate the trust from you.
However, telling the girl that you want to "get back" at him for calling you pretty was not too nice. He needs to learn to keep little arguments private because that'll only feed your grudge [i guess].
I can understand, and not at the same time. Me and my ex were both big flirts. With our friends, and even if I wasnt friends with one of his friends it would still be okay to say 'hey sexy!'. We knew it ment nothing and we trusted each other completely. It was to the point where he would let me know the guys who checked me out while we were walking around in public, and I would do the same. We trusted each other a lot, and the trust was hardly broken, in that way anyways.
I could totally understand tough if someone got upset over the fact that their so said 'hey sexy' to someone they didnt know.. or even if they did. That was just the relationship that me and my ex had. But if he's just saying 'you look cute today' that may be a bit extreme to be upset over. If you dont feel like your being irrational than talk to him about it. And even if you think you might be, or not sure still talk to him about it. That fixes the problem best.