We've all been in that place at some point, right? You know what I'm taking about. Watching that friend hurt inside because of someone else's poison. Truth is, you can never go to a place where someone wouldn't try to harm you. Wether it's physical, or emotional. That's the sad truth.
The person you care about whether he/she is usually careful, and mature about most things, still can fall into the dark trap. And the person who's doing the poisoning could be anyone. A mutual friend, family member, lover, whatever. The most common mistake people make when trying to save their friend from the blackness is: Getting too involved.
In this situation, you should never ever try to steer your friend away from who's manipulating them. Or confront the black hearted person. This gives the manipulator more ways to poison your friend by driving a deep rift between you two. As harsh as it sounds, the only thing you can do is watch and wait. Yeah, your friend is hurting, yeah, their normal glow is fading into a deep blue color, but the more you stand by, almost idly, the more your precious friend will lean on you for support.
Don't give them advice, just listen to them. And there will come a time when your friend is no longer just blue, but starting to turn black inside. At this time, you should embrace your friend all that you can, but still maintain that distance. Usually, over time, the black will slowly start to fade, and your friend will see the light, and realize the poison that's been brewing inside them.
Get a big box of kleenex, and prepare to wipe away some tears. Because although your friend's seen the light, they will still need some serious comforting. It's cliche, I know. But patience, and kindness to both people involved, the black hearted, and the blue soul is crucial.
You really can kill with kindness.
It's true, and I wish I'd known this sooner in life.
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Comments (29)
Always try my best to listen. And yeah, I do get a little too involved.
So true, I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and a half now. The one thing that really drives a wedge is family members. My girlfriends parents have been pressuring her about where my life is headed. I am working my ass off online, im an online entrepreneur, but I don't have much to brag about, not yet. Well all her parents see is that I can't afford a car or anything for that matter.
Her parents have been pressuring her to try and make me get a "real job". One day it was to much and she broke down on the phone weeping. I listen as much as I could, it really pisses me off when people talk behind my back. I tried to talk to her, but she was to angry and sad to listened.
The next time I saw her I told her everything will be okay, I promise. My girlfriend seems a lot happier now. Plus, she excepted my promise ring!! So I'm happy.
I don't get this. When my ex-boyfriend would do things like self-mutilate and blame me for it, I stayed with him. I took all the other emotionally abusive things he did because I was a blind fool.
I wish someone could have talked to me about it and gotten me out of that situation so I would have realized what a bad person he was earlier. It took him dumping me after a few years to realize that I didn't deserve any of the things he did to me.
If you're working hard, then you are doing your best. I learned the hard way not to feel guilt or pain just because of someone else's opinion. Unfortunately, strength isn't something you learn. It's something that's inside you, that you have to awaken on your own.
@laytexduckie@xanga - It happens to the best of us. I made the mistake of getting too involved, this loss was my inspiration. it's a grueling task, realizing you can protect the body from harm, but not the spirit. Sucks. =/
@my_horizon@xanga - If someone told you at the time he was poison, would you have listened? Or defended him? That's the key to this post. Some people give a scolding, like. "You deserve better, that person is evil." or something. But often times, a gentle embrace works better. I'm glad you've moved out of that situation.
@AphoticxIllusion@xanga - Well, it's merely that I always try remedy whatever is wrong. And sometimes, I don't even know what's wrong so I try to find out. And sometimes, I feel like I drive them up the wall trying to find out. I have a certain perseverance to it, but sometimes it just doesn't work. And it sucks to hear them upset on the phone.
@laytexduckie@xanga - Yeah, I hear you on that. I think sometimes though, you are pretty much tied, you know? That friend wants to do what he/she wants to do, and doesn't like being told what to do even if it's for their own well being. Kind of ironic, because I'm like that. I dislike listening to advice unless I ask for it, and I'm a stubborn jackass. Some people are just fiercely independent. Although you're being kind, you have to be sneaky about it, and patient. You have to pose no threat to the poisoner, and slowly bring your friend into the light. Sometimes it is best to be indifferent, you know?
@AphoticxIllusion@xanga - I talked to a psychiatrist about him, and she told me to never talk to him ever again. That definitely helped me let go, having an authoritative figure show me that he was being abusive.
If anyone is ever in an abusive relationship, you should do everything you can to get them out of it.
@my_horizon@xanga - I can see now, we agree to disagree.
One part was hard for me to accept, especially the part when you said not to confront the "poisoner" because I really want to punch the girl who's manipulating my friend in her face...really hard. However i'll be there for my friend, always :)
@tinyxballerinax3@xanga - well, that was based on the circumstance that your friend is completely devoted to the poisoner. likely, they will twist your words and make you look like the bad guy. that's why i think it's important to be cautious. you simply can't fight hate with more hate.
@tinyxballerinax3@xanga - sorry, i logged into the wrong site. >_<;
@CrimsonxIllusion@xanga - it's his gf and he knows what she's doing, hes just being dumb because he honestly thinks his life is better when he's in relationships. i know its crazy right?
@tinyxballerinax3@xanga - To each their own.
just listen to them.....
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I wish I'd absorbed that into my skull a long time ago.
@CrimsonxIllusion@xanga - Ugh, that's right though!
This is SO true, and I actually just happen to be this kind of friend by nature, so I can tell you, from experience... When people are in love, or attached to a person, they don't want to be told otherwise by someone else. I certainly don't feel like talking to the friends who told me my boyfriend was being a douchebag and I should break up with him after I decided to stay with him, because I'm afraid they'll judge me for staying with him or something to that extent.
And as far as I know, yes, my boyfriend messed up once, but he's not a total douchebag.
I think the point here is--People will do what they want to do no matter what kind of advice you give them. So you can either try to force your advice on them when they're clay in the hands of the person adminstering the abusive relationship, or you can wait until they come to you for advice, when they will actually be RECEPTIVE to said advice.
I totally agree with this post.
I like this post.<3 I'm usually the laid-back type of friend, I'll say bad things about the bad person but only around my friend who was hurt. I try to let them know they have me on their side no matter what. Yes, I have those moments I wish I could confront that black hearted person but I know whatever it is they are going through, it's still between them.
@jasonwl@xanga - It's a hard thing to learn. Wisdom doesn't always have to come from being more mature, sometimes just from experience.
@turtletastic - *gives a cookie and gold star*
That is indeed the message.
yeah, kill em with kindness
@AphoticxIllusion@xanga - So true, well I've been around so many people that are just back stabbers. People that I wouldn't trust anything to, that I see people more of black and white. Everyone's the same, no different than the last. A person can be the closest to you in the world and still make you hurt.
But, I think that's what I love about my girlfriend so much. She is different from all the rest of the women. I don't see black and white with her.
The one thing I have learned most of all, is no word need be spoken. Just a simple hug and a shoulder to cry on can make a world of difference.
@mrs_manson999@xanga - die.
*gives you cookies and roses*
sorry, couldn't resist. xD