Saturday, 20 February 2010
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Your "Going Out" Relationship Rules
When it comes to my guy going out for a night with his boys to a bar or club or wherever, I tend to be pretty laid back about it. I trust him completely, not to mention that I kind of have an interesting approach to stuff like this.
To me, it is human nature to flirt, and I'm not sure that I believe that people are meant to be completely monogamous. And after you've been in a relationship for a long time, I think we all want to feel like we've "still got it," so if smiling back at the hot bartender will keep him feeling like he still has game (which will end up keeping him happier in our relationship), then I'm all for it.
I believe that a huge reason why people cheat is because they feel trapped, particularly when they're young. It's crazy to think that you've already found the person you want to be with for the rest of your life at a young age; so no matter how sincerely happy you are about it, sometimes the thought of being with one person FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE can feel a bit...well...binding, especially when your "rules" are stricter than an 83 year-old librarian's. Remember when your parents said you couldn't have or do something, which in turn made you want to have or do that thing even more? I think the same mentality applies here.
The bottom line is this: I know there are millions of other beautiful women out there, and I don't expect my SO to not look at them or to not have interactions with women other than myself. That would be completely unhealthy. And he realizes that guys are going to hit on me whether he likes it or not, and trusts that he's the one I want to be with. I'm the one he's coming home to at the end of the night, and vice versa.
Now trust me--THERE IS A LINE that shouldn't be crossed. (I'm lenient, not crazy!) Innocent flirting ("Thank you, you're very pretty too, what's your name?") is not an issue at all to me. Dancing close isn't either. But telling her all the things you'd wanna do to her while groping her ass on the dance floor is a COMPLETELY different story. If you're blessed with a SO who knows the difference and doesn't cross that line, then you've got a great situation, like I do.
In terms of talking with him while he's out, I try not to. Time apart is necessary for any couple to survive. Although we'd often like to be (
), we don't have to be on each other every second; I do not make him call me when he gets home--he often just does it himself. However, sometimes I ask if he could just text me (even if I might be sleeping at that point) so I know that he got in safely. And sometimes I just can't resist texting him while he's out to let him know how much I want him. Let's just say he comes home very happy. 
Do you make your SO text you while he or she is out? Do they have to call you when they get home? Do you not want your man dancing with other girls? If your girl were to accept a drink from a stranger who offered to buy her one, would you get mad? Or are you lax, like myself? Basically, what are your going-out "rules"??
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Comments (32)
Eh. We're not 'out' people in the first place. I think we'd rather spend the majority of our time together, but we're just as much best friends as we are lovers, so it's alright. Plus, we live together. It'd be awkward for one of us to go out without the other and just leave them sitting at home!
It's like reading my exact feelings from another! I agree entirely ... especially about monogamy and "trapping" people, which does make them antsy ...
I don't have rules ... I play it by how I feel. I am very trusting, to a fault. You get what you give, is my thinking. Let him have fun, so long as it's not too much fun, and he knows the boundaries. Same goes for me - I would hope he trusts me this way when I go out.
winner. i wish more girls were like you.
Don't have any. I trust that he won't cheat or do anything that's likely to get him killed, and he trusts me the same. We've never event talked about it, actually, it's just one of those things.
I'd actually like to go to the club with my bf and watch girls hitting on him and trying to dance with him and he is like...hold on, one at a time ladies
lol as he dances with them, not bumping and grinding too closely but dancing is fine with me as long as none of them lays their hands on him and just simply dance. it makes me flattered that all these girls desire him but I'm the one he is with. then I'll make my way to him as he dry humps me on the dancefloor
it is boys night out so I'm not suppose to be there I wouldn't date a guy that I don't trust, so I think it'll be fine if he goes out without me. I'd prefer if he declines the phone numbers that girls give to him and tell them he is taken instead of pretending he is single.
I Agree With You!
Flirt Is A Natural Thing We All Like To Do.
I Think Flirting Is Innocent And Stuff -I like To Flirt-
But There's A Thin Line Between Flirting And Picking Up Girls
Our rule is: If you wouldn't want me doing it, then don't do it yourself. That works..always.
ooh. Im so guilty on this one. My bf had a shady past with his exes..I'm outrageously jealous..i dont want to be :/ i just am..and actually my bf is the one who freaks out when i dont text him for 20 minutes..
I love being all lovey dovey..but after 16 months i believe i am succumbing to feeling trapped. Which is not a fun place to be.
my bf's "boys night" is beer and steak, belching and sharing graphic raunchy or violent tales. he brought me once, it was rather entertaining.
lol but yeah neither of us is a "club person," the closest thing he does to that is he works as a DJ sometimes. he told me once or twice a girl has tried to pick him up, he opens his phone, where my picture is the background. lol. once it was actually a girl from his HS, he told me. sorry other girls! (ps. i'm not really sorry. :) )
DAMN SOMEONE LIKE ME :) I'm the same I dont care if my SO goes out and talks to other girls. Its cool because I know who he's coming home to :)
arghs, im totally guilty on this; &as much as i wish i could be like yu, i cant.
seeing him talk to other girls, or even look at another girl makes me boil; yu can say its jealousy, but i know that honestly, i dont trust him; not jsut him, but any guy. after everything he had put me through, after everything every guy had put me through, i cant find it in my heart to trust any guy. ;i'll pretend that everythings fine, but deep inside ;i know it stays in my mind. i cant help but feel this way. ;every girl he has even came close to talking to ; everytime i try to trust him, that they were realie just friends; boom, guess who gets cheated on. every freakin time. ; .i've never been given a reason to trust any guy, especially the guy im with right now; .he doesnt hav any numbers any girls. ;i make shure he doesnt talk to any girl behind my back. ;.im overprotective.yes i know. ;but as much as id like to give him room.its just not possible. ;hes the one who changed me, to be this way.`
NO ONE GIVES A RAT'S ASS.
Nice I agree that flirting is a natural part of human nature. Trust is definitely the biggest problem with relationships. Ppl have to stop assuming things same goes for me. I F-ing hate when I assume things and get bitten in the ass for doing so.
"I don't expect my SO to not look at them or to not have interactions with women other than myself."
"And he realizes that guys are going to hit on me whether he likes it or not, and trusts that he's the one I want to be with."
Too bad everyone isn't like this.
For us it's more a case of whatever the other one is more comfortable with and being considerate about each others' feelings. In my case, I'm the jealous type so I'm not comfortable with girls interacting with him closely. For him, he likes me to dance for him at a club and it's a total ego-booster for him when other guys come up to him to compliment me. That's when I'm not sure if my persistent blushing is a result of the alcohol or the fact that my guy is discussing me with other guys!
I recently got cheated on and my ex saw this guy who her aunty was trying to hook her up with and everytime she went to her aunties i asked her if he was going to be there...last time he was he went for her and i lost my gf of 19 months to some jerk who wanted to get in her pants. But i do agree that there should be space but not that much space that your other half is closer to their best friend then you.
@Cambios@xanga - Agreed to the fullest .
I dont have a girlfriend at the moment and I dont go out at night clubbing or drinking in bars, clubs and pubs etc.
i dont have rules. of course i dont mind it if my gf would be like flirty to other guys, as long as she remembers i exist lol
other then that i agree with you. i like the idea of having space, and i would hate it if my gf was all like groping some dude. id be like wtf?
@my_final_username@xanga - me neither man. =P
My feeling on this is that I am giving my heart, my soul, my body, and not to mention MY monogamy to somebody; so they'd better show appreciation and contain themselves if they want to keep it.
It's ok to smile back and flirt a little with someone who flirts with you first. But I find it disrespectful to your significant other to initiate it. If you really need the attention, then I don't really need you.
We aren't "made" to be monogamous per se (sexually anyway), but we also aren't "made" to watch television an endless amount of hours a week, sit at a desk, go to school, shower daily, or eat packaged foods. Deal with it.
omg you just read my mind, haha I want that in a relationship as well but my ex wouldnt even allow me to talk to other guys! I felt trapped and suffocating that it was time to see other people
You seem to have a very healthy view.
I do my best to understand that it'd be silly to get mad at my boyfriend for doing things that I may be doing. I will ask an ex of mine - we've remained acquaintances - how he's doing now and then, and will stop and talk if I see him in public. He has an ex who he doesn't mind staying on friendly terms with, and I see it pointless to get jealous over it because... well, I trust him.
My boyfriend isn't the type to flirt with other girls (like an ex of mine was! Not the one mentioned above, though), and we have good communication as to what we're doing, and who we'll be with. There aren't any secrets... why should there be?
I don't really have any rules for going out and neither does he. We trust one another. We don't even really think about crossing boundaries, honestly. I don't know what he talks about when he's with his friends - not sure I want to know, haha - but the communication's there and I have no worries.
Sorry for the novel. :p
@Cambios@xanga - Exactly!
I wish you were the rule and not the exception.