Saturday, 20 February 2010
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Too Close Too Soon
Like many other people in this wretched economy, I am job hunting right now. Having graduated over the summer, I've been piecing together part-time employment while looking for a full-time job in my field.
My boyfriend, whom I've been dating for about 3 months, is in grad school about 2.5 hours away. I'm pretty sure he's the one I want to spend my life with; things have been going very well, and we have expressed that we love each other. Although we haven't explicitly talked about anything like marriage, we're both making plans months in advance and are taking the long view of the road. I also have lots of friends at his university (that's how I met him to begin with- I was out with friends and my friends knew his friends).
So the other night I was on Craigslist looking for job openings, and on a whim I decided to look in his town. I immediately found a great job that fits my qualifications and interests, and they said application materials were due that day at 5 pm. I submitted my application and planned to talk to him about it over last weekend. But time got away from me last weekend and I never mentioned anything to him- anyway, they probably won't call me, right?
WRONG! They want me to come down next week for an interview! So I told them I would, and now I need to decide what to say to my boyfriend. I started laughing nervously after I hung up the phone. How did I get myself into this mess?
What do you think, Datingish readers? Am I jumping the gun, considering moving to his town? Should I have talked to him about it before I applied? Is it none of his business where I apply? Should I talk to him about it now, or wait and see if I get a job offer? And how should I even bring it up?
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- From: JennyGee@xanga
- About Me: I like trees and horses and butterflies! And theatre, and music, and psychology, and spanish...you name it. Only not French :-P
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Comments (34)
I don't think you should be nervous. You're moving to his town. He'll probably be happy. Moving in together, though, would be stupid.
yu dont necessarily hav to move in with him or anything, applying fhor a job at yur intrest, that happens to be in his town isnt anything bad; that yu need his opinion on;
well yu should prob tell him, but i dont think its that much of a big deal .
just go fhor it ; &tell him the good news .
go for an interview and see how it goes. if you and your boyfriend have disagreements, you can live separately from him and still take the job, or you don't even have to take the job at all! i wouldn't let your relationship get in the way of your career success.
don't worry about it. the fact that you have an interview is great. good luck!
@WhenFaithandFearCollide@xanga - i agree!
Sounds like a blessing from God
. Coincidences like that don't just happen...I say GO FOR IT!
You have to tell him casually that you applied for a job. He probably will be happy that you've done it. If he's serious about you he would want you closer. Just don't make a big deal out of it, or he'll see your worry and wonder what's going on ... face it, if he doesn't want you moving closer, it's not a serious thing for him. Just let him know you applied and go for the interview ... he'll hopefully be ok, even happy about it. Good luck on both counts. :)
depends. you arent planning on moving IN with him right? that would defiantly be a little too soon. but otherwise i dont see why you're freaking out. i dont think its weird that you're applying for a job and potentially moving to the same town. it will give you guys a chance to experience your relationship in a new view. and you said you have friends in that town, so its not like you're moving there strictly for him. dont worry about it. take the opportunity if its a job you really want!
Talk to him now.
Bring it up right away.
No, you aren't rushing anything by moving closer.
And it is his business where you apply.
I wouldn't mention marriage or anything though.
His reaction to your news should determine what you'd say after telling him.
He obviously likes you, so it should be a pleasant surprise.
Congratulations, by the way. (:
if he loves you for real, he will be tickled pink!
GO FOR IT. This is your career, if anything he should be closer that you are closer to him so you guys can spend more time together. However, don't move in together yet! GOod luck with your new job!
There's nothing wrong with that. It sound similar to a plan I want to do. My girlfriend is in Vancouver and I want to find a job out there. I just need to finish my Bachelors first. >< But, whatever the case, sounds like right timing!
it's easy. just tell a really funny joke, and then when he's laughing, just say..."by the way, i'm moving in with you next week"
Well
#1 - be careful because it is cragislist.
#2 - you don't need to move in with him.
#3 - discussion is always great.
#4 - GOOD LUCK WITH THE INTERVIEW!!!! -sends luck electronically-
I think it's awesome for you, and i'm sure he'll be glad to see you more often.
If things don't work out with him, you won't regret having taken the job will you? It sounds like a good fit and opportunity for you! Also, you have other friends in that town so you won't be totally dependent on him even though you're moving there to be nearer to him.
you do have to tell him though, haha ! just say you didn't bring it up earlier because you didn't think that it was a real option. Be honest! he'll understand.
With the job market the way it is, I think this is a smart move. I would definitely tell him that you applied for this position, but let him know that there's no pressure for anything (moving in, etc.). I bet he'll be thrilled if you get the position!
your not jumping the gun life is to short. If its good employment who cares!!!! its an added plus that you will be in town with someone who you not only know but love!
so dont be nervous
Yours truly
anthony Padula
Do you believe in Fate? If so, then maybe this is your calling... ;) Even if you don't, it's a job and you'll get to be closer to him. No one is saying you have to move in with each other because of this. It's just bringing you closer! Do remember to tell him, though, don't just show up at his door like a crazy person.
Just be all..."so the other day, I was job hunting for the hell of it on Craigslist, right? And for shits and giggles I looked around where you live. I applied to this place, totally didn't think they'd call BUT NOW THEY WANT AN INTERVIEW. It's a job, which is win, but I still wanna know what you think, k?"
Good luck, sweetheart.
sounds like you're moving kinda fast, considering you've both have only been dating for 3 months. My boyfriend I are planning to move in together (he's in his first year of grad school right now) next year and it'll be well into our 5th year of our relationship. I agree with some of the other people though, take the job if you can get it since the economy is so bad.
If you didn't want the job, why would you apply for it? He's your
boyfriend, why would he not want you to live in his town (unless you're expecting to move in with him, which I'm assuming you're not because that would be stupid)? Just go for it if you really want to and tell him casually, it's not a big deal.
go for it. you never know what may happen.
Go for it! If he's really feeling the same as you, he will welcome it. If not...
Are you planning on moving in with him? If so youre sort of over-stepping really fast. I would never let a girl move in with me until 6 months have passed. I'm very neat, clean and organized.
I don't see a problem. It's not like you're only doing it to be closer to him. If this job is really as good a fit as you say, then I wouldn't let the opportunity pass you up. It's hard enough to find a job in these trying times, let alone a good one. But like someone else said, moving in with him would be pretty silly. But there's nothing wrong with moving closer to him.
I would wait a bit and see how your interview goes. Then after you've had it, if you have a good feeling about it, sit down and tell him that you had applied, since you'd had trouble finding things in your own town. Tell him, it felt like a natural choice since he was there, you already had friends there, so it would be easier to settle into the new town. Friends know where to look for apartments, where to shop, where to go for fun, what the best ways to avoid traffic are, etc, so you want to live where people can give you helpful tips. Let him know that you didn't tell him right away because you didn't want to jinx it and just wanted to see how things would go before you went around blabbing about it. I'm sure he'll understand, and unless you start talking about moving in together, he shouldn't freak out. Most couples start out dating in the same town (you can remind him that if necessary) so how would it be weird if you two lived in the same city?
yeah i think finding a good job, no matter where it is, is a really good thing, & your boyfriend wont be mad at you for that. but are you really willing to travel 2.5 hours each way on top of traffick for a commute, i mean you might as well move in together right.? it would be a great way to become close, but since you haven't been together too long, i'd definately wait to see what happens with that.