Saturday, 20 February 2010
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Post-Break Up Blues
So this has been playing on my mind for a while now after seeing some relationships happening around me coming to an end. People have different ways of dealing with break ups. Personally I'm not the type of person to hook up with someone new not long after a break up. I know I'd crash and burn and fall on my butt harder than if I fell hard for the guy I broke up with.
I go through phases of eating, not eating, being happy then sad before being resentful, regretful and even slightly vengeful but never acting out any possible revenge. I also spend time with friends, time alone, time with family, write either blogging, poetry, or fiction. Usually they take a while before I know I'm completely over the relationship and am enjoying being single before considering dating.
So my question is, what have you found to be an effective way to get over post-break up blues?
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About the Author
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- From: notjustanothergirl
- Name: notjustanothergirl
- About Me: Writing, reading, sketching, drawing, photography...I'm artsy. My art is what helps express my thoughts and feelings a little more easier than spoken words. Art is my passion. My closest friends are have become the family I've needed. They are the greatest art I've been able to have had helped create and received.
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Comments (38)
I do all the same things.
It'll take a while... thus, the reason why we're given our friends. Hanging out with them will somehow make you forget about the break-up. :))
i don't think there are rules. i think it depends on the relationship.
i was with a guy for three years and for some strange reason, i feel nothing but the feeling to move on. i am not heartbroken at all.
but i have been in relationships that have been shorter; we have broken up mutually and i was still hurt. i just wanted to mope and think about the way things were, even though i knew it was for the better.
either way, i think it helps to spend time reflecting and talking to friends who know you best.
i was recently dumped, yesterday, by my boyfriend of 2 years.
i want to move on. i also want to stay in denial and pretend he is coming back tomorrow.
mainly im focusing on all the ways he has hurt me and why he didnt want to be with me.
i don't know an effective way to deal with this besides friends and family.
"I know I'd crash and burn and fall on my butt harder than if I fell hard for the guy I broke up with"
^ ahh, me too. & I speak from an unfortunate experience.
Trying to heal break-up pain with another boy is a bad idea. Always. There should be laws against it. (:
Anyways. I get over boys with friends.
Mainly my best friend.
She haaaated my ex and would be the first to tell me he's a douche.
I just think of all the things that went wrong in the relationship and focus on my mistakes and that makes me stronger and able to move on with my life. DON'T DWELL!
I do all those things too. I'm convinced I've tried everything, actually. The only thing that really works is time and distraction. If youre so occupied you cant think about how you're feeling... and time. Sometimes lots of it, sometimes not as much. Depending,
well.... i used to sketch things all the time and when i went into my first relationship, i stopped sketching.
when we broke up i was so sad. some days better then others. lots of tears, and i was very angry.
but then i picked up my black pencil again, and i began to sketch once more....
i felt so good when i was drawing. all of my focus went into my picture. my anger seemed to....go into it. flow out of me. it made me very peaceful in a way. i cant really explain it but, it made me feel so much better.
after that time, i started sketching all the time again. and my passion for art has been lit again. =]
i'd play some video games or dance
I'm not sure there is an effective cure for a true broken heart - you just have to tough it out. But keeping busy helps. Having friends who don't mind you babbling on too. And I think it gets easier the more times you go through it. Oh, and bacon sandwiches.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
I am still trying to work thing still with my guy..
@SamBarger@xanga - Mmhm. This is my biggest thing too, at any time of distress or discomfort. Creative pursuits have some sort of strange and almost magical emotionally-healing power over me.
@eohippus@xanga - its crazy right? in a good way of course =]
I usually skip town and spend some weeks on a nice beach soaking in the sun and being alone. I'm more like a cat when I'm in pain... limp off to nurse my injuries in a quiet secluded place.
surround yourself with people who love and care about you and don't pretend that it's not ok, cry if you have to and make sure that you have a lot of great support around you.
Exercise my heart out. Listen to intense rock music. Start trying to improve myself, because obviously there was something he didn't like about me.
i've been trying to figure out how to get over my ex . . we dated for a little over a year and a half (my longest relationship) & its hard to cope with the fact that he's dating someone else. he says he loves her & he wants to marry her.. my whole thing is, he said those same things to me while we were dating "/
so i've done the whole eating thing and trying to get my mind off it but i really dont know how.
any other suggestions of how to get rid of this feeling?
i've always been the worst at breakups. ;like yu, i would fall so hard, i wouldnt be able to pick myself back up .;but after my latest experience with my boyfriend fhor almost three years, its a reallie long sotry.` ;it took me a summer to be able to go out and enjoy life again. ;
im guessing waht makes it hard fhor someone to move on is all the memories, and experiences they had with that person .leaving them the feeling of not being able to live without that person, that theyre all yu ever wanted, and all yu'll ever need.;
waht made me eventually move on, after so many years of hanging on, is the realization. ;knowing that yu dont actually need that person; .theyre only holding yu back , and realizing &telling yurself the fact that yu can let go, and yu'll make it through is waht makes it the more easier to let go. ;im not saying yu should forget them and all the memories; .looking back on things that once made yu happy is a good thing, and might make yu think back and smile. ;but yu should know that there is more to life. ;&in the end, yu'll be fine, with or without them.
the way i see it, happiness is the greatest revenge. i never let them see me weak, even if i'm breaking on the inside.
I try to do anything that doesn't remind me of an ex. Hard to do, maybe, but eventually you'll move on.
@Salivarysatisfaction - if I had the freedom to (ie not being in school, or being able to take time off work) I would do this too. I need to be by myself in a quiet place to heal myself and think things through.
I don't think I could jump to another guy really quickly either, except if I was emotionally done with my ex way before it ended (this is how I was in my last relationship). If it was a surprise breakup I would be hurting pretty bad and would not want another guy in my life for a while. My best friend always says "the best way to get over a guy is to get under another one" but I'm not sure that would work for me haha.
it all depends....sometimes its spent listening to depressing music, writing,crying, being angry...all to why doesnt he want to be with me? whats wrong with me? (even when it was short or there were problems...i just feel sad cuz something that was now isnt anymore).... and then i just try to preoccupy myself with other things.... i do things with my friends..do things for me... and i have to realize there was a reason it ended...and i always say that if its meant to be it will be..(it makes me feel better...but most of the time its done for good).. and then im single for a few months to a yr before i go out with anyone else..casually or not...
ive done the rebound thing before...i thought it did help..i didnt fall for them... they didnt fall for me...but it just gave me the attention i was used to having with a bf.... but then u realize theyre not bf material..and u move on..n ur like whatever i want something better lol
I like to just cut of that part of my life and act like it never happened, but usually i am stuck with it and instead i just turn to comics and find a series i have never read and just dive into it and be alone.
Wow, from what you described, I totally do what you do. Hahaha. But I do add in, playing video games... lol. Nice to know I'm not the only one who does these things!
Move to a different city - even if for the summer - travel if you can - time away will heal a broken heart - get active - join a gym - become a cardio machine - guys love women who are active - Peace abd Happiness !