Thursday, 18 February 2010
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A Great Guy with Horrible Timing
In a growing-closer friend, I found a man that was smart and driven, and yet still knew how to have fun. He was good looking, well liked, and ran in similar -- but not identical-- circles. He had his flaws, but he was constantly putting effort into making himself deserving of someone. Needless to say, I liked him. And hey, wonder of all wonders, he liked me, too.
Too bad he didn't show it until I got back with my ex.
He became single a couple of months after I had. Granted, his former relationship had been a lot longer than mine, but we were essentially in the same relationship, only we played separate and different parts. I was the girlfriend tired of giving so much into a relationship, and he was the boyfriend trying too hard too late. It was this shared experience that brought us closer together. We talked for hours on end, we would drive to see each other to go out and eat, and it was just an all around good time.
Lately we had been even closer, seeing as term put us back in the same city. Over at his house one night, we got comfortable watching tv and he told me he was into me. This is what I had been waiting for when I was crushing on him for all my single months, and he chose now, mere days after I had gotten back with my ex, to tell me? I avoided the topic until he gave up, and we went back to our regularly scheduled programming.
What's a girl to do? I'm happy with my ex, but this is what I've been wanting for so long. Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do and what happened of it?
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Comments (31)
go for it.
you already know the answer. you only live once. do what you need to do.
getting back with your ex can work, but most of the time it doesn't.
i guess i'd have to know more about the relationship and your ex to say anything definitely.
then again... if he waited for you to get back with your ex he may just be jealous, which is what happened with my sister when her best guyfriend came to visit. her boyfriend proposed, but they're divorced now, so...
basically what i'm saying is you have to look at the facts, because it's your life and every situation is different...
oh, and also, if he was a guy who tried 'too hard too late' then he strikes me as a guy who doesn't give a crap unless there's a factor to motivate him to do so.
@andsoshewrites@xanga - "oh, and also, if he was a guy who tried 'too
hard too late' then he strikes me as a guy who doesn't give a crap
unless there's a factor to motivate him to do so."
I completely agree with this statement, taken his background from what you told us. He might not be that guy, and that's why you need to decide for yourself. But his M.O. screams taking things for granted until he no longer has them.
I had a great guy ask me out once while I was with my boyfriend, and I turned him down to stay with my boyfriend. We ended up breaking up and by that time the great guy had found someone new. Lesson learned- Date who you actually want to date the most.
ex should remain exes, in my opinion. you broke up for a good reason i'm sure, and people rarely change to any great degree.
i say go for the new guy. if you're actually wanting to be with him instead of the guy you're with, that tells me you're actually not that happy with your current bf as you claim to be. break up with the ex..again..and try to date the new guy.
Maybe you should have told him. Don't always wait for the other person if they do show interest. If you really want to be with them, let them know. Otherwise, you're screwing both of you guys over.
maybe if you had told him how you felt instead of waiting around, you wouldn't be in this situation. but, that's beside the point now. if you want him, go for him. good luck!
Just go for it.
I doubt that you'll go any where with your ex if you're already thinking about dating this other guy while with him.
Why did you get back with your ex?
Go for the new guy. You'll never know until you try. Make sure it's not just lust though. Unless your really sure you an ex can work. Most people break up for a reason, forget that reason, start dating again, and remember why you broke up in the first place.
That's what I would do.
I see nothing wrong with leaving your ex for him, especially since you've only been back together for a few days.
Just pick the guy you think is the best for you, but really think about it. You don't want to lose something that's really great.
Onwards and forward! If this is an ex that you can't see yourself having a future with even if you two are currently together then I'd say go for the other guy.
@pandoratheexplorer@xanga - I agree.
as an over-analyzer you answered your own question by saying "You're happy with your ex." You didn't say boyfriend...you view him as your ex, someone from your past not your present or future. So you're unnattached - you want to be with the other guy is what I'm reading...
I agree with everyone saying for you to get with this other guy. You never know how much time you have to make the right moves.
i think you should think about why your ex was your ex, and consider that maybe this new guy has something better to offer.
I started over with someone new, not an ex and not someone that took me for granted.
As selfish as this sounds, with others' feelings put aside, who do YOU want to date? That's what matters. My ex was begging me back right as this awesome guy I had been crushing on revealed his feelings for me. I am really glad I picked the awesome guy. :) Your ex was your ex for a reason.
You're not gonna do it, are you? Chicken.
"What's a girl to do? I'm happy with my ex"
do you realise you are still calling your boyfriend "ex"? I think you already know the answer deep down.
There is a reason you broke up with your ex. Don't forget it :|
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go with the closer friend dude. hands down. going forward is always more beneficial. i would have had a few better relationships if i hadn't gotten back with my ex.
Looks like YOU have bad timing too...if you were that into him...why didn't you let him know?
I don't know what your relationship with your ex is like, but if you two broke up for a good reason, or over long standing issues that arent' likely to really have been cleared away...I'd give the new guy a chance.
@andsoshewrites@xanga - Bingo! This entry hit the nail right on the head!
I'm 40 this fall, and I've seen it time and time again. "Back with ex" has to play itself out, you have to finish what you started. If you and your ex work, great. If not, "Better late than never" would be your next choice.
BLTN took too long to do anything. Ex had likely seen BLTN getting closer, and likely jumped into claiming you before BLTN had a chance.
Let it play out, but decide on your own - not in a Xanga forum - how you honestly feel.
Another note: why do you still refer to your ex as your ex? What went down that broke you two up, and is it likely to have resolution?
Love should never be a consolation prize.