Thursday, 18 February 2010
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No Valentine's Day Gift
I wouldn't call myself materialistic, but I was disappointed when my boyfriend didn't get me anything on Valentine's Day.
Not only that, but he didn't surprise me on my birthday, Christmas, or any other gift-giving day. For my birthday, we went shopping downtown and I wanted to buy a black jacket. I totally forgot that my debit card had a "$100 per day" sanction on it, so I asked my boyfriend to pay for a part of the jacket (it was around $130). Instead, he said, "No, I'll just pay for it and that'll be your birthday gift."
Even though I did get a "gift," I don't even consider it one. I would much rather have someone surprise me on my birthday and make me a homemade card or give me a scrapbook of our pictures. I don't care how much something is worth; as long as you put some thought into it, I'll love it.
On Christmas, my Mom asked me if my boyfriend was giving the family anything (like chocolates). Knowing him, I knew he wouldn't buy my family anything so I asked him to get them something. He thought it was a waste of time, but ended up getting Purdy's chocolates for the family. I felt bad for obligating him to do it, but I felt like he should've done it without me having to remind him. On the same day he bought the chocolates (Christmas Eve), he bought my present as well. After a long day of shopping, he thought he had gotten the perfect gift. When I opened it, I didn't really know what it was. It was expensive, shiny, and looked like some sort of jewelry. It was beautiful pair of diamond....ornaments? Oh...that's cool, I guess. I didn't really need ornaments, but I guess it's the thought that counts, right?It felt weird when I realized what he got me. He knows I'm not materialistic, yet he still got me something expensive. I would've wanted something more practical, like a toothbrush (my toothbrush dies pretty quickly) or an air-freshener (my car smells like food sometimes.) Instead, he got me something I clearly didn't need. It felt like he didn't know me at all and just randomly bought something just to give me a gift...
So once again, on Valentine's Day...no gift, no surprise. I didn't really care because Valentine's Day is pretty overrated, but when his mom's boyfriend knocked on her door and brought her a dozen roses I thought to myself, "Awwww...why couldn't that be me?" I thought it was so sweet, and then I remembered back in the day when I didn't have a boyfriend...I would get gifts from all sorts of boys (haha!)
But now that I'm taken, everyone stopped trying to pursue me (obviously!), including my boyfriend!I just wish he would show me he cares for me (and my family). Oh, did I mention that I was the one who had to drive to his house to see him (30 min drive via highway), while he played Dota or some other computer game all morning?
Do you think I'm being materialistic for wanting some gifts? Do you think I'm expecting too much?
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- From: awkward_me
- About Me: This is my secret Xanga, which includes many posts of my love life - good and bad. I'm here to vent, pour my heart out, share some stories and get some advice. I'm just a regular teenager, wanting to get through life without falling too deep.
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Comments (108)
I love giving gifts, I don't understand people who don't, unless they really don't have the money. But that does not sound like the case here. And it doesn't sound like he's changing anytime soon. You should talk to him about it (without being offensive) and tell him how you feel. If he doesn't understand and doesn't want to work out a common ground, then he's not going to change and if you can't deal with a cheapo for the rest of your life, leave him. It may sound like a horrible reason to dump someone, but if you're with someone who doesn't have the same mindset as you, you're wasting your time.
Lol, this is kind of funny, since I'm the complete opposite.
I don't really like surprises. I would be thrilled if I wanted to buy something, and my boyfriend offered to pay for it as a gift.
Honestly, I don't think it's completely materialistic to want gifts, especially for events such as your birthday or your anniversaries. They don't have to be purchased gifts either.
However, if your boyfriend is extremely tapped out in the financial area, being upset over a gift is ridiculous. And it should, by no means, be a dealbreaker on whether you stay with the guy or not.
Honestly... Coming from a guy, I dont care how long your relationship has been or where you stand or what's going on. A Guy should ALWAYS get his girlfriend a gift for Valentines day. It does not have to do whether your materialistic or not. It has to do with "the though" the gesture of a gift usually gratifies a girl in many ways.. Not just because its a nice gift... But it also symbolizes emotion and feelings in some way. I know it sounds corny but, its the way i think of it..
You just sound really whiny.
I don't blame him for not wanting to buy you presents.
I love giving more than receiving gifts but I still enjoy the surprise. I'm generally so vague about what I want that I usually am quite surprised. I don't think you're materialistic for expecting a little caring on your special days, and the special days of your family of course.
Sometimes being officially in a relationship makes people forget to still "date" each other. Keeps things heated otherwise it becomes dry and too comfortable. It's the thought of appreciation that counts. If I couldn't buy anything, I would make something, whether it be something as decoration for his room, wallet, or just write something out in a card.
I don't think you really wanted a purchased gift. You just wanted some sort of representation that you were thought of and appreciated in a manner out of the daily norms, even if it was a surprise hug.
after being with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, i didn't get anything for valentine's day either. last year he gave me a bracelet. this year, i made my boyfriend a pop up card since i'm currently not working and not making any money. he, on the other hand didn't even write me a letter back. i mentioned it valentine's night and he told me he had a letter for me and was going to surprise me with it. day after, he gave me the letter and a white rose saying "i know you don't like roses but that's all i could get"
sometimes, guys are just clueless.
I agree with Mouse...that's well off. Needs to have a word with himself.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
Funny I just had a conversation with my boyfriend about this very topic. I didn't get a Valentine's Day gift either. It's not that I expect it from him but it is just the "thought" that would've been nice. However, he was able to pull off last minute roses. It is disheartening when all your lady friends tell you about the sweets things that their SO's did and you think about all the sweet things people use to do for you before you got into a relationship. Haha.
My suggestion would be to truly talk to him about what you are feeling. I did, and as a result he has the next four weekends booked for adventures for the both of us!
Honestly?
Unless you have stated that you do not want him or expect him to get you anything for holidays, he should assume he needs to get you (not necessarily your family as well, though) something. At least something small, and handmade if he can't afford to buy you anything. Bring it up with him gently and have a nice conversation about it. Especially if this is the only shortcoming the guy seems to have, it shouldn't have to be a big issue.
On the other hand, don't do the stereotypical thing where the girl tells the guy she doesn't want anything, but then gets pissed because he listened. That's just unfair.
well... some people really just suck at getting gifts, finding the right gifts or just plain ignorant about giving gifts. Have you tried asking him why he didn't or why he's "forgotten" to get something for a special occasion? Forget V-day, but birthdays and christmas are big days that you can't show up empty handed. But you mentioned he got you some expensive looking something so that is a gift. Just not something you like or want. Either start hinting to him what you want and need. Most guys (not all) aren't as tentative when it comes to gifts so give him a nudge in the right direction.
You whine that he don't give you anything but when he bought that black jacket as a b-day present for you, you don't consider that as a "gift" or when he bought you an "expensive" diamond ornament, you complain that you didn't need it. Sorry, but didn't you say it was the thoughts that count? I'm sure he "thought" it would be sweet to buy you that black jacket as a gift to you for your b-day and he didn't spend all day looking for the "perfect gift" for you for nothing either.
As for v-day, it would had been nice if he had gotten you something but then again, shouldn't every day be as sweet as v-day? It's just my take on it.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - I dunno, she doesn't sound all that whiny. It's not the material things that seem to be hurting her: it's his obvious lack of thought and emotion. If she was materialistic and whiny, she would have bitched about the cost/value of the gift. But she clearly stated she would have been happy with so much as a frickin' car air freshener, so long as he thought about it himself.
I don't have this problem with my boyfriend, but I'd be upset if I was her, too. It's the little things that matter. It seems like he just randomly picks up presents because they're there. Not because they have anything to do with what she needs/wants. And definitely not because he wants to see her smile.
You aren't materialistic. When people care about things they invest in them--time, money, and thought.I don't know what your guys ultra hobby is but my man is obsessed with a College football team. He may not have money, but tickets, gas, a new jersey, shot glasses with their logo, a drink at the bar to watch the game that isn't on regular channels...somehow he finds the money for those things. He talks about them, thinks about them, studies them, fights with other sports-a-holics on their message board, and time, I don't want to even get started on the massive amounts of time he invests into his team.
I don't care, that is his hobby, that is his thing. I get it. But that is how people treat the things they are crazy about. And I don't know about you, but I want my guy to be crazy about me. I know relationships are all about trust, blah-blah-blah. But there are somethings you shouldn't have to trust, you shouldn't have to take the fact that your guy loves you on trust. He should prove it to you every single day, and especially the important days.
My guy used to be exactly like yours and every holiday I acted so touch by whatever disappointment he pulled out of his butt for me. But I also got way more controlling and always "nudged" him in whatever direction my hopes lay. So this last thurs. right before V-day we had a big fight because I nudged a little too hard. So all of my feelings (just like yours) came out. He told me I was materialistic and the only thing I was interested in was how much money he spent on me when I knew he doesn't have any.
But I told him it was about the dollar signs, or the hours, or the depth of thought, or how he did something that showed an in-depth knowledge of my character. I was like, that is what it is about. How much did you invest into this present, because how much you invest is telling me how much I am worth to you. He got real quiet and mumbled an apology. Then on Valentine's Day he had me follow my favroite candy all over his apartment to see a dozen roses, the steak he was going to make us for dinner, and a long letter telling me how much I mean to him and all the things he would love to do for me.
It made me cry. It was the sweetest thing. It didn't cost him much, the steaks were cheap and so were the roses (although they were GORGEOUS). But he showed how much he knows me and how much i mattered to him and that is all I have been waiting for. So no, you aren't materialistic, you just need to feel appreciated in a tangible way. I totally understand.
@jeezshoua@xanga - No, it's not that. You have to look at this from her point of view. "I'll just pay for this jacket," is taking the easy, obvious way out so he doesn't have to get her anything else. If he would have so much as gotten her something small for her birthday, like a frickin car air freshener on his OWN, she wouldn't have minded. But it's his lack of thought that makes it hurt. The ornaments seem like something random he saw, picked up, and thought "hey, this is good enough". Getting presents that have nothing to do with your personality/wants/needs suck.
I don't think anyone can deny that.I don't blame her.She's just asking for a little bit of thought shown a few times a year.Is that really so much to ask for?
awww hun i feel u...i broke up over my old bf bc of this some yrs ago too...not just bc of that but other things too. it just gave me more of an excuse to do so but now i dont really care...but bdays definitely i expect
Yeah, you're being whiny and materialistic. You don't think the jacket is a gift? So he should spend $130 on you, on something you really want (and he might think "wow, she really wants this, it'd be nice to get it for her then, especially since she can't afford it!"), and then buy you another birthday present? That's like making a Christmas list or something, not getting everything on your list, and then getting mad if someone picks something off of it for your birthday or Valentine's Day because it's "thoughtless" to take your suggestions.
Then you say
Even though I did get a "gift," I don't even
consider it one. I would much rather have someone surprise me on my
birthday and make me a homemade card or give me a scrapbook of our
pictures. I don't care how much something is worth; as long as you put
some thought into it, I'll love it.
On the same
day he bought the chocolates (Christmas Eve), he bought my present as
well. After a long day of shopping, he thought he had gotten the
perfect gift. When I opened it, I didn't really know what it was. It
was expensive, shiny, and looked like some sort of jewelry. It was
beautiful pair of diamond....ornaments? Oh...that's cool, I guess. I
didn't really need ornaments, but I guess it's the thought that counts,
right?
----- very contradictory
You should either discuss your expectations with your boyfriend (and be consistent, since you're inconsistent in what you've written), or be grateful for his attempts to give you gifts you'd enjoy. You're being too hard on him.
@raedium@xanga - No, she is whining. Both of you say that as long as he put thought into it, it wouldn't matter what it is... But when he spent a long time looking for a Christmas gift and thought he found something perfect for her, it was also deemed unworthy and not a decent enough gift.
You can consider yourself better off than those who not only got nothing for Valentine's Day, but are also single.
you do sound whiny. i didnt get a gift at all from my boyfriend (at the time) for christmas and we were dating almost 3 years. he just didnt have any money.
however, he should be in tune to your wants and needs, so communicate that to him.Â
if it is an issue of money, try to be a little more flexible.
@raedium@xanga - Um, really? Bc this past weekend while my boyfriend and I went to shop together, he bought me a pair of shorts that I really like from AE when I was still deciding and if I should get it for myself. I thought that was very thoughtful of him but perhaps, to you and someone else, that may not be "thoughtful" enough.
As for the ornament cmt, she did write it herself that "after a long day of shopping, he thought he had gotten the perfect gift" for her. So is it only considerate "thoughtful" of him if he had gotten something that she may like or could of used? See, it don't make any sense when she write all these jibberish that it's the "thoughts" that counts when obviously it's not.
@SparklingFaery@xanga - I definitely agree with you!
..and btw, if I didn't get anything for v-day, I'll still be happy. Or even if it's my b-day. Just as long as I got to spend time with that special someone then I'm all good.
It's nice to have some gifts every once in a while.
If I was you, I'd talk to him about how you feel.
Did you give him anything?
some guys are like that, but bfs are like dogs, they can be trained! just need to let him know i guess. i didn't get anything from my bf this year for valentines day because he didn't know what to get me. oh well.. so be it.. i can't do anything about it now since valentines day is over but he should be prepared to get nothing next year because i spent so much money this year.
i don't think you're being materialistic, because i'm in the same boat. My boyfriend didn't get me anything for v-day, even though he said he would... he didnt even make me a card. I was pretty upset, and he apologized a lot. I told him that it wasn't exactly that i wanted something amazing, i just wasnt looking forward to people asking me what he got me, and telling me what they got... etc.
not to mention no one gave me ANYTHING. i usually get something from my friends, but not this year. :/
Like PeriwinkleAdonis said. What did you buy your boyfriend for Valentine's Day? What did you get his family for Christmas? You have to give before you should expect any kind of receiving.
And have you talked about this with him? Maybe he doesn't know this is a problem with you. Communicate.