Wednesday, 17 February 2010
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Chasing What You Can’t Have
Why do people always want what they can’t have? I have been in a 4 year relationship before, and throughout the relationship, my ex broke up with me three times. (Yes, I didn’t learn the first two times.) He would always tell me that he wanted to be single and have no obligations, but he was with me because he loved me. He never could promise anything for the future, let alone the weekend. You could assume that throughout the relationship, I definitely was not first on his list. But I remained faithful whatsoever because I was in love. By the third breakup, I decided that I tortured myself and my friends long enough and was strong enough not to ever look back.
Lo and behold, two months later, he was finally willing to give me what I always wanted, security. He was finally asking me to move with him to Spain (which is where he is from) as his girlfriend. All of a sudden, he was sure that I was what he wanted. All of a sudden, I was being appreciated. But, it was too late. He had me for 4 fricken years. During that time, I would have done anything for him to even consider the fact. Why offer this to me now? Why, when I finally don’t want it?
How do you make your SO see how important you are while they are with you? Why do people only regret things when it’s a little too late?
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About the Author
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- From: amaza@xanga
- Name: amaza
- Location: Hawaii, United States
- About Me: love optimist
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Comments (32)
Dude...did we date the same guy?!
I really can't say this without being guilty of foot-in-mouth syndrome, but I'll say it anyway because I always need to remind myself...if any kind of chasing is involved in getting a guy to stay with you, what's the point? Yes, we convince ourselves we love the guy and love makes all common sense go out the window, but enough is enough. We can't fully love another until we start taking better care of ourselves.
People naturally don't realize how much they need something until they lose it.
Why are you asking such generic questions?
This is just human nature - you never appreciate what you've got. The grass is always greener. So many cliches but cliches are cliches for a reason - they ring true. Not sure anything can be done - you can't force someone to see what they've got.
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you can't. either they learn to appreciate you right or they wait until its to late. I was in a similar situation, my bf at the time would always break up with me for no reasons or we would just stop talking for months, but i was "in love" and i would always let him come back when he wanted to. When we went to college and he just stopped accepting my calls and talking to me, that was the last straw. That time I mentally broke up with him; it was definitely in my mind. The funny thing is that a couple of months later he came crawling back, after realizing that the girls at his college wasn't what he wanted, but it was too late. I loss too much of myself when I let me back in. But i guess people regret things when its too late because nobody likes to see anyone moving on without them...
Guys will only settle when they can't get anything better.
He's sounds like the typical guy and you'll be the typical girl if you end up back with him.
A lot of people often don't realize what they have until its gone. And then when finally realize it, it's what they want. The grass isn't always greener on the other side and too many people get focused on the future rather than the present.
You cant make anyone do anything...usually it takes a break or break up for someone to realize what they had could be gone forever, and they start to gradually change. In your case, it was pointless, because he just wasnt getting it. He had his chance...time to move on.
As the saying goes, "You never know what you have until you lose it."
I don't know why it usually happens that way, they realize your importance when you've moved on and too tired to give it another chance. I guess, the right thing to do in a relationship is to let your SO know that you CAN live without him/her but you chose not to.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - Haha me too! And I agree.
Either he's just settling for you as he might not have anyone better. . . or he's finally noticing how great you are.. You don't know what you have until you lose it.
I guess it's up to you to find out which one it is.
you shouldnt have to make someone that loves you see how important you are, they should already know it. it should be the reason why they love you, if anything.
that's EXACTLY what happened between me & my ex. but it was for 3 years instead of 4. after i got in college & is able to get over him..he comes chasing after me & wants me to be with her FOREVER...& he wants to marry me.
i was like NO WAY JOSE. he saw that i was letting go of him as im being chased by other guys..that's when he realized how important i am to him.gosh, i don't even know how to make your b/f see that if he looses you, its just done.
but its always like that, you never know what you had/have until its gone. Good lesson to learn from that, but than again, do u have to lose something or someone for them to figure out that they need you in their lives.!?as for you, i think you shouldn't go with him to spain, leave everything what you have for some guy that isn't even stable enough and breaks up with you for some dumb reason.!so yeah! (:i have done what your ex has done many times. although we know what we want isn't good for us, we want to fight it in hopes it will work.
in reality, it should not be that hard.
maybe during those three times that he broke up with you, he was dating other girls and came back to you when it didn't work out. I think he wants to be in a relationship but doesn't want to act like a considerate boyfriend since he has dumped you and hurt you multiple times and comes back at his convenience. when you are done with his games, he suddenly wants to be committed to you, but I think he is just afraid of being alone. he told you that he loved you to get you to stay around and that is what usually convinces some women to stay with jerks, they tell them that they love them. maybe he did love you but if he truly loved you, would he hurt you like that again and again and again. idk he doesn't seem sincere.
oh gosh... idk if I'm exactly in the same situation but I've been with this guy(recently broken up) for 3 years... we broke up 4 months in, for a puny week. K so then we stayed together until a little after our 2 year anniversary. Then he came back a few months later and we stayed together almost another year...
so if he were to come back, am I really in a place where I should be leaving him? I'm not sure since every situation is different and circumstances change...
Yeah, it's frustrating that he didn't appreciate you while he had you. But sometimes people need that space to step back to be able to fully appreciate what they had. He may have thought he was unhappy until he experienced life without you. At least he was honest with you in breaking up with you when he wasn't happy. It would have been worse for him to stay put dishonestly.
And if he realized you were all he wanted, at least he had the guts to ask for you to take him back. I admire that. If you've moved on, then it's his loss - and a good learning experience. You have every right to be mad but take it easy on him. Sometimes people are just trying to get through life the best way they know how. You have to follow your heart. He was trying to follow his.
I agree. Human Nature.
many girls are only attracted to bad boys, types that take them for granted, do not treat them well, etc. guess it is more challenging and exciting than dating a "nice" guy. in other words, you might be the one creating problems for yourself.
Because you're probably the best thing that ever happened to him! Too bad he realized it too late.
Seems one thing has been true all along, you don't really know what you got 'til it's gone.
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i had a similar thing happen to me. but i let him go.