Tuesday, 16 February 2010
-
Breaking Up: It's Not the End
It doesn't matter how long your relationship lasts, each and every individual who once stepped into your life is unique and special in their own way. He could be the first guy, the second guy or the N-th guy. You cant forget someone readily when the relationship ended.
Some days, you think you're fine. You pack your courage and believe that you have all the courage to move on.You tell your friends that you have move on, they applauded and cheered, you smiled.
Some nights, you stare in the black room fighting back your tears. Thinking about 101 reasons why you're of the wrong match but still cringing on to a tiny ,weeny hope. Believing that things will work out if you clarify the possible misunderstanding.
For consecutive nights, crying is an activity before sleep. You tell yourself that time will heal all wound, but can hardly breathe under the crushing pain. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional
Other days, you felt like throwing away all the things that you received and delete away all his contact. But, you feel that it was part of memories and he did nothing wrong.
Certain days, you choose to live in isolation and play the emo game.
Once in awhile, you asked yourself whether he's worth the tears ,the amount of effort and sincerity that you put in loving him. You felt that you lose your whole identity and your ego is shattered.
We enter relationship as somebody and leave as a nobody.
Alternating days, you're back on track. You don't cry because it's over and smile because it happened.
You felt the need to let him go in style, and even if it kills you - You're going to smile.
Verdict: Moving on is simple, but leaving what's behind is difficult. You've never felt pain until you've felt love. Stay rational while being emotional. Life's only fun when you dance on both the bright and dark side of it.What did you tell yourself after a breakup with a SO? How did you walk out from that darkness?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: anonymish
- About Me: This post was submitted by a Datingish reader who wanted to remain anonymous. You can submit your own anonymous post at www.datingish.com/submit-post - just make sure you let us know you wouldn't like to have your username displayed!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 227 Views: 0 543096 Comments: 0 13046 View all posts by anonymish
Comments (34)
Oh god, I totally relate to this right now. I haven't gotten out of the darkness yet, but what's kept me from breaking down over and over is staying busy. I spent an entire 2 1/2 months crying myself to sleep, and feeling like I was worthless. I'm getting back on track but it's no easy feat. I'm back in classes, doing homework, playing music, and training for the olympics, so I have a lot to distract me. I guess that's my advice. Keep busy. Really busy.
One of the things that took me by surprise is realising how much I relied on my previous SO -- "What the hell am I going to do now on a Saturday night?" So yea, just learning to re-adjust to life is quite a task.
Staying busy, and focusing on yourself. You have to make a conscious effort to stop making your life about someone else--when you waste a day or a week or a month crying about someone else, you lose that time and you don't get it back. No one should have that kind of power over your life. (I know that's way easier said than done, but seriously--mourn the loss for an APPROPRIATE period of time and move on.) Your life does not revolve around anyone else. There is no person out there, no matter how "wonderful" you thought they were, who is worth feeling miserable over.
Honestly, I remind myself that I am a good person and a great catch. That everything happens for a reason, and that I will wind up happy in the end. As will he. Maybe that will be with each other again one day, or maybe with someone new. But life always works itself out.
That is, in between crying and drinking and revenge hookups and all the other negative and borderline unhealthy behaviors one might indulge in when mourning the death of a relationship.
stay busy, focus on yourself, date other people, cry when you need to.
Heartache sucks. That's a pro of being single, no break ups!
I've been out of the darkness for a good while. It takes a lot to get out of it. Like someone else said, keep busy. It really helps. While the pain and memories will never go away entirely, it becomes manageable. Good luck.
shopping makes me feel a lot better
I just use that as an excuse to spend more during gloomy times
I shop when I'm happy, too.
My exes and I don't really talk. Lives just went in different directions.
How did I get over it? Went out and had a good time with friends and realized other girls think I'm attractive. Oh and I fucked some good looking girls.
That always helps.
That's why I give myself exactly 24 hours, no more and no less, to grieve. I cry, I scream, I rant, I don't eat, I fall asleep finally from exhaustion...and then I go about my business. Sure, it's been harder to do that with some relationships than others, but the longer you carry on, the longer it takes to heal and the more damage you cause yourself.
It might sound a little cold, but it works for me at least.
And I'd rather be cold than lost in the void.
shopping! and friends helps!!
for me, i had to find all of my friends again after a bad breakup. i had ditched them all, one at a time, to be with him. some of them didn't want to forgive me, but some did. then i decided to make new friends, set easy goals: say hi to one new person a week. that helped me form new friendships with the people who were already around me in class and at work. then i just had to keep reminding myself that one of the best reasons to experience sadness and heartache were so that i would recognize joy and love when i found them again.
But as for me I keep telling myself that it's my chance to have fun and do stuff I couldn't or didn't want to do in my relationship
It's worked ok so far...
i wrote this blog when my ex and i broke up
http://beawarriorqueen.blogspot.com/2009/07/breaking-up.htmlmy god i relate to many of them.... seeing your ex in a club dancing with others just puts you down even more, thinking to dance with others yet you still have him your mind 24/7 just doesn't work..
I talked to my best friend and listened to her listing out all the bad things about him. It helped.
That life goess onnnn. First time I was dumped, I'm STILL not over. But other times, it's like... Life goes on. I make lists of why that dude was a bad bf, and hang out with friends, talk to family. I would be sad about who to text, call at night, blah blah blah. Change is hard but I've been through lots and lots of sudden out of the blue and sometimes really bad changes in my life, so I guess I'm lucky that I'm used to it. And when I think about all the shit and changes I've been through, I feel weird being sad about someone who doesn't want me. Sigh. Like all that questioning crap. Why this and why is that happening so on and so on, I think I'm done asking that too when someone dumps me cause it's like HIS MOTHER EFFIN LOST.
And I'm so used to being dumped :'( WAHHH. Three stinkin summers in a row. Either I'm a horrrrrible gf or I'm cursed.
I think it gets easier the more times you go through it. Your skin gets thicker, and you find it harder to fall in the first place. Still, there's nothing worse than that horrible feeling in your stomach. The only way to get through it is to keep busy and maybe eat lots of pie.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
yeah i understand you. if ge give me up, i always think he will regret one day if i become more perfect , or i will think we are not suitable. the life should be moved forward in spite of unhappiness. listen to some music , do some exercise, and smile to the sky, hehe
Callaway X-20 Iron Set Callaway Big Bertha iron set
@xoxokissme@xanga - I totally agree with you!
Cry 'til your dry, talk to your friends and keep yourself busy. That'll somehow do it, I guess. T__T After a couple of weeks, you have to let yourself understand that yesterday's yesterday and there's nothing you can do about it. You'll just have to keep it as a memory, a lesson that'll guide you somehow.
To avoid this situation , I invited one person into my life and we got married and love each other from the bottom of our heart.
http://watch-gossipgirl.biz
I have to force myself to not think about things. I talk to friends, but I make sure I'm not talking about the person just to be doing so. I only talk about the ex when it's helping. And I have to stop myself from doing things that remind me of the person for a while, such as checking their Facebook.
I also have to stop listening to breakup songs, since they're more counterproductive than productive.
It's been over a year and I don't know how to deal with it. Usually, there's always someone there to eventually bring me out of the downward spiral but this one was different. It was the best few months (Yes, the mourning period exceeded the relationship. Failure.) I ever had and just couldn't let go. My problem is that I was worried about losing what I thought had been one of my best friends. We didn't break up cause there were problems with us, so much as there was a problem with where we lived and planned to go to college. We agreed but for months, I would cycle through this love-hate cycle while we remained friendly. We recently got really close again and then hooked up, over break. Then he went back to Cali and I went back to NYC. I feel like I've fallen back in the old pattern of just making it a couple days at a time. I don't know how to break out of this terrible cycle. So many things remind me of him that shouldn't. It's kinda frightening. But trying to do things for yourself, and being with friends is important, I think. And yes, talk it through but then stop. Your friends will eventually tire of the conversation and you will feel like a one-note.
i usually throw myself into something else to occupy myself, and i remind myself that there are other fish in the sea. because there really is :O
I used to dwell on it, even though I was the one that broke up with him, but I'm getting over it c: .
I just hope that my other friends would realize this too -__-. It's always "BUT I LOVED HER SO MUCH AND I MISS HER". Makes me wanna punch his face, ya know.