Saturday, 13 February 2010
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We Can Still Be Friends... Right?
After a break up that is what follows right after the words, 'IT'S OVER'. Dumper says to the Dumpee, 'We can still be friends right?'
And the Dumpee, not wanting to start any shit says, 'Yeah, sure' then starts the awkwardness. What is the deal with ex's wanting to be friends after its over, doesn't being friends defeat the very purpose of BEING OVER? Or is it just me?
I recently became disassociated with the boy I called my boyfriend (read I was dumped) and I severed all ties with him. That included deleting texts and what not. When someone asked me how he was or what had happened, I just told them to ask him. That is the break up experience for me- broken in the literal sense, no talking at all. We would pass each other in the hall and not blink.
Then I got a text from him all pissed off, asking why we were no longer talking... boy was I shocked, breaking up was his bright idea in the first place, where was this coming from? He said he enjoyed talking to me and that he missed my conversation. Sure, talking is not just done between couples but when you and someone used to be a couple it becomes different, what with all the references to 'when we used to date' and 'before we broke up'.
What do you think, would you like, or have liked to stay friendly with an ex?
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- From: Sandi_V@xanga
- Name: Sandi_V
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Comments (96)
I am still friends with my ex... but friendship happens after both parties are over each other.
I have never wanted to stay friends with my ex's even though we moved on-there was still that feeling of resentment toward each other. Especially now that I'm married-I don't want to see or think about my ex's-most of them were jerks anyway so its best to just move on and forget I think.
I prefer not talking to them at all because it makes it alot easier to get through the process. I think with enough time, then maybe the process of being friends can take place. But I would be cordial to them at all times. I would not ignore them or pretend they don't exist.
I'm sure it is possible, but it probably depends on who you break it with. I am currently good friends with an ex. To me saying we can still be friends right after a breakup just feels like an excuse to try to make the breakup hurt less. I guess it depends on who.
You are in the same situation I was in last year. My ex wanted forgiveness and not giving it is just wrong so of course I forgave her and we started talking again. Both of us just didn't like ignoring each other because like you and your ex we used to be friends before we started going out. That friendship was what motivated us to reconnect our bonds again. Better to have a friendship at all than none at all I say. I know exactly how you feel, but if he really wants forgiveness it's only right to give it isn't it? What's keeping things as terrible as it is now going to do for you? Only leave you with negative feelings isn't it?
How ironic I should read this when I wrote a post in the exact opposite attitude an hour ago.
http://beachblondie711.xanga.com/721863355/in-a-perfect-world/
To sum it up, I would LOVE to be friends with my ex. I hope it's possible. I think it's a shame to delete someone from your life like they were never in it... like they didn't shape who you are today, like they didn't impact your life, like they didn't matter.
Being friends with Ex's hardly works...one person generally still has feelings for the other.
I have dated quite a bit,and have one successful friendship after break up on record(we were best friends before and only dated for a week before realizing it wasnt working).
I think you can still be civil with one another but if you dont want to be friends, you dont have to.
Being friends with my last ex was too awkward. I think it's just easier to not be friends.
The only conversation he wants is that booty call he will be making to you at 3am.
always depends on the other person and you, AND how and why you guys broke up.
For example.
Because you 2 have a mutual break up because you guys just feel like best friends and nothing more, changing a status wouldn't really do much damage. IF HE LEAVES you in for another WOMAN then F*** him then.
Or you guys have a ROSS and RACHEL moment, where a "break" is needed and NOT a "break-up". Then hopefully both parties are still faithful to each other. (Shame on Ross)
im in the process of trying right now.
haha
but its not easy thats for sure, cos its hard to know what level to treat them.
its hard to be like sweet and funny to them without them thinking that you want them back.
its hard to not say anything without them thinking you hate them
but I think it can be done
it depends how much you care for them really
you're doing the right thing. eventually, once you're over him, you'll be able to be friends again. but cutting off all connection is a good thing until then.
For a while after the breakup, I really want nothing to do with an ex. There's that whole healing process to go through, and the person that hurt you in the first place probably isn't the one to be helping.
After a bit, though, I can see getting reconnected as friends.
It all depends on the relationship you had with the person. In my case, I'm still friends with a lot of my ex's (dang I sound like a slut) because of the friendship that existed before we crossed over the line into love. Although once that line was crossed and it didn't work out, the feelings of love, compassion and respect didn't go away. That's how we remained friends. Now if the relationship ends with someone cheating then in that case, I couldn't be friends with them. So it all depends.
Hahahahahahaha. Oh my gosh, same thing with me. He said the same thing. The being friends after a break is just.... weird. I don't talk to my ex. Even if he tries to be friends with me again... like adding me on facebook, i just ignore it and move on...
Going thru the same thing right now. Friends are telling me, cut off all ties with him. And I did. Does it help? Yes. But then again, you need time to heal, and only when you fully heal and if it can work, start a friendship again. I ... don't see it happening with me and my ex. Lol. Just cuz, that's the way I am. All or nothing. But anyways, at the end of the day it's your decision do what works for you best....:)
when you really like(d) a person, i find it's very hard to get over them when they're still in your social circle. i think it'd just be better to just be cordial to each other right after.
I have heard stories about people staying friends and people severing ties with their ex-boyfriends. I currently have 3 out of 4 ex-boyfriends still as my friends and for 2 of them it would have been wiser just to end it. Personally, it can be better to just end everything. It's easier (or seems easier) to get over someone if they aren't there in your life.
Although my experiance shows I don't physically support it, I think severing ties is the best way to go. It pays off in the end, to just say "seeya" and assume that break-up means exactly what is says.
I got dumped 3 weeks ago, but he still talks to me in person, msn or text almost everyday.
I still have feelings for him, we broke up peacefully with no hatred or fighting involvedSo not quite sure what's going on.I guess i have stayed talking to an ex boyfriend, and its really a bad idea. Once its over you should take time away and heal but somehow i didnt do that so im confused as hell. Doesnt mean your friends though... ugh. Im usually a person who breaks ties with people once im hurt, just didnt do that, again stupid...
I always thought that it would be nice if exes should remain friends even post-break up, though I know it's difficult sometimes.
however, after a recent experience, I realized that maybe a friendship really can never be the same after you've crossed the line of having feelings for each other and being a couple (or in my case, like a couple).
I guess that it's possible some day in the future after you both have someone else of your own, so that you don't have any leftover feelings and no chance of liking them just because there's no one else. but even then, I don't think the two people are the same people the other knew, months or years after not talking to each other. they could be for all I know, but I don't think they would.
so as much as it hurts, sometimes we need to accept that once it's over, it's over. (and again, if two people can remain really good friends, then more power to them.)
I think you both need time apart to move on. Once that happens, then a friendship is plausible. Good luck
wow that was exactly like what happened to me,
cept mine was like " i miss you as a friend"
but it's hard to just pop right back into friend stage after a long relationship, because it's like. um buddy, we've never been friends. so i don't know how to be "just a friend" right now.
i guess it takes time for these things to happen.
can't really force it.
when the time is right, and when both of you feel like you absolutely have no more feelings for each other except platonic feelings. then it's the time to be friends again.
Time needs to kill the pain first before becoming friends again.
"If two ex-lovers can be friends, either they never were in love, or they still are."
That basically sums up my opinion on the matter.