There’s this guy and we’ve flirted for a while. We’ve gone out a couple times – dinners, movies and watching fireworks. We’ve hugged, held hands (fingers interlocking) and there was touching. Maybe it’s the naiveté on my part since I’ve never had a boyfriend but I didn’t know where this was going. I mean a part of me hoped that this was the path to dating.
When I asked him of his intentions towards me, he replied “Nothing really. Friends probably.” Okay that hurt. Regardless, a few weeks after, I had to get it off my chest and told him I like him in a non-platonic way. His response, “This was expected but this is awkward because I really did mean the friends thing.”
It has been three weeks since my little confession, we still talk but it’s awkward. I’m still holding onto some hope that he’d change his mind before I meet someone else. I don’t wish to cut him from my life because I care about him and he is a good person.
Is it stupid for me to bring it up again? I want to suggest that we have a trial period. I mean, if we don’t try then how would we know it would’ve worked? I know that it would sound like I’m begging which I think is pathetic. Nonetheless...
Am I walking the fine line of being determined and being stubborn?
True
Comments (58)
A VERY fine line, leaning towards stubborn
some guys dont like to be tied down... maybe he just meant friends with benifits? and i dont mean friends with dating benifits...
get rid of him. he sounds like Charlie sheen both in real life, and on his show. sorry to be so blunt!
I don't know but you shouldn't even consider being in a one-sided relationship. This other person doesn't feel the same so why deny yourself the opportunity to find someone who'll love you as much as you do. :D
He's told you TWICE that he's not interested in being more than friends and that he's not attracted to you that way.
Give up on him and date someone else. He's not going to change his mind.
it seems it is difficullt for him to change the mind,then just give up on him, this is wiser.
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to me he's doing the friend w/ benefits thing w/ you. and keeping u at bay just in case he don't find someone else
supress your feelings. Hes not intrested in you romantically. If he was...he would show it.
He said he wants nothing more than to be friends, and bluntly. Don't get caught up in a friends-with-benefits relationship that won't satisfy you. He's not interested, move on.
you're determined because you laid your cards on the table and he responded to you in a way you didn't like but if i were you, i wouldn't stay "friends" with him anymore because he just wants all the benefits of a girlfriend but not a real girlfriend.
Getting a flashback of my denial/stubborn stages...save yourself the heartache, I went through this at 18..never had a boyfriend either and I assumed all that was mentioned above would lead to dating..but it didnt happen. Like your guy, mine didnt want to be serious like that either..I refused to think that since I was falling for him...
You can be determined/stubborn all you want in chasing after him..but I honestly suggest saving your heartache and cutting your losses.
You'll really thank yourself in the long run sweetie..
then again my friends tried to tell me but i refused to listen. Its all on you!
If a guy wants you he will come after you. he knows how you feel. Just leave it alone. Keep an open mind to him if he will ever show you he wants you as more than a friend, but at the same time move on and live your life.
He's just not that into you. Cliche, but that's what this is. Stop wasting your time.
is clueless an option? he seems immature and probably just does not want to be in a relationship right now. move on please!
Mmmm... stubborn.
He already said he wasn't interested. If he's not, he probably won't later, even with a "trial." I'd say, romantically, try to move on. Let things happen in stride, don't push it. If you're not happy with what you two have, drop it. If you are, keep it the way it is but try to look for other love interests. Maybe later down the line, if you guys are still friendly, maybe he might see you in a different light.
stubborn. sorry~
"Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I don't need to tell you that life isn't fair, it doesn't care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you I want someone to say its OKAY" -fort minor
I don't ever remember holding hands (with finger interlocking) with just friends...he led you on and didn't want to admit it so he used the friend excuse. that's just bs
this is harsh but he probably used you to kill time when he had nothing else to do or hanging out as friends. he gave you the wrong signal by hugging and holding holds. it was probably a friend type of hug but the hand holding/interlocking hands thing is weird if he isn't interested. he probably just wanted to cop a feel and if you continued to flirt with him by touching him first, he probably won't reject your advances. he wanted to play it cool instead of coming on too strong by touching you and other things. it kind of worked.
@icesoul_09@xanga - Well said. If he's not into you now, even he does agree to be in a relationship with you, it won't change the fact that you like him and he doesn't like you...your relationship will just suck. Move on to someone who is actually into you.
I think it's fucked up for him to lead you on like that, but since he gave you a straight up answer... don't embarass yourself. Once a guy does it to you and you think how stupid he looks, you will know better not to do it yourself.
would you really want a trial period? wouldn't you rather be with a guy who really wants to be with you?
i make it a rule not to pursue guys- the few times i have it's ended badly. it's like a litmus test- he needs to be interested enough to pursue me if he wants it to turn into something. i want him desperate to tie me down, not the other way around!
You've held hands and there was touching and yet he just wants you two to stay friends? He just used you.
He's clearly not interested. Move on. The only chance of changing his mind is finding another guy anyway - then he might get jealous and any glint of emotion towards you could come to the fore. Sounds basic, but it's true.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
Since he told you that he just wants to be friends- and he said that twice- then I think bringing it up again will only be you being stubborn. Why not just be friends with the guy? Sure, it sucks when you really like him, but when he only wants to be friends, sometimes you just have to settle and move on.
You can't force it. Hang back for a while. You've already told him how you feel. He'll either drop out of the picture altoghter, you'll stay friends but on a lower key, or he'll realize he really is interested in the whole package. But you can't do any more than just step back, even though it's going to be hard! Good luck xo