I just finished reading
It's Difficult To Go Long Term So Young and it got me wondering about my relationships (past and current). The entry mentions about her being in love with her boyfriend, despite being 21 and only a little over 18. The main issue was about getting those "missing out" feelings that she often receive from her friends.
To be honest, thinking back on my two previous serious relationships, I really never got those feelings. The first was about 3 years 4 months long and the second was about 11 months long. My first relationship, I thought that we were going to be together all the way through. I loved her. I was 19 then. However, it was her who got those "missing out" feelings. And I was left behind.
It took a while, but I've gotten over it and went into living the single life (we're still great friends and we try to hang out often). Truth be told, I didn't like single life. It felt empty. I went on a few dates here and there, but the connection wasn't as strong. I was a puzzle looking for the last piece. I was single for a little over 2 years when I met my next girlfriend. We hit it off great. We did a lot of things together: trips, concert, family dinners, stayed over at each others' places, and even talked about moving in together. Then, she had the "I want to be single" feeling, which can be translated to "I'm missing out and/or I don't want to be tied down." Again, I was left behind while wanting it to last. I was lost. I didn't know what to expect really. One moment, there can be the talk of living together. The next, they don't want to be with you anymore. It was a thought that kept wrecking my brain every single minute of the day.
Then, I met Jennifer (who I am with now). We met each other here on Xanga and we've been talking for about a month before we got together. I will be seeing her in 30 days for the first time in person. We've talked instant message, phone, webcam, combination of all 3 every night. We've sent each other packages and presents. I don't get bored of her. Even if we are just sitting there with the phone pressed to our ears, it's something that I always looked forward to at the end of the day. I know that she can always make me smile, make me happy and make me forget all of the stress I had earlier in the day. And I admit, we had a few small fights here and there. But, what relationship doesn't have their fights? As cliche as it sounds, "If you can't handle them at their worst, you don't deserve them at their best."
So, what does this have to do with the original post? Well, I never got those "missing out" feelings. I understand if greenglow28 has them and certainly, it's common. But for me, I've only wanted to be with that one person at that one time. So, it's not difficult to go long term while you're still young (I'm 22 now). If you found someone who you truly love, nothing else will ever cross your mind.
What do you think?
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Comments (59)
I hope you two like each other just as much in person :). I agree with you kind of. I left my first boyfriend of a year and half because I got tired of him. I did want to roam around...and I felt like in the end we just weren't right for each other. I realized that I did not want to spend the rest of my life with him, and wanted to try to find someone that I could see myself being with. I have a new boyfriend now...of a wee 1 1/2 months. I am happy so far but I dont know if I could see myself with him for a whole lifetime...but it's been hardly any time at all to know that anyway.
Agreed. All my relationships were relatively long term and I'm 21.
I guess what I think it boils down to is that once you've been with someone long enough you realize that you are either: A. Suited to be partners for life. or B. Not suited to be partners for life....since you know them so well. If you honestly think you are in an A type relationship...I doubt someone would want to leave.
I could not have said it better.
When i am with someone i give them my everything. I don't miss out on the single feeling. I love being in love and knowing at the end of the day there is someone out there that truely loves and cares for me. How could someone get bored of that feeling? I guess each to their own though.
I've never really had those missing out feelings either :x
there's a famous quote from a Brazilian poet.. "let it be eternal/everlasting while it lasts".
meh.... my ex bf got those feelings after three months .. to me thats not even long enough to get used to BEING in a relationship. so, i have a feeling its just a polite way of saying they just don't see themselves with YOU long term (as he did not with me.) my current boyfriend (best friend of 5 years, + 2 years dating) has said that he would probably love me forever, even if we didnt end up together. (i currently hope we do!) that or, i think you have to have that "single forever" type of personality that engages in all sorts of activities casually. i'm not that, and although i can enjoy the time apart to learn about myself; in the end i would really like to find my best friend who will be with me for the rest of my years.
Sometimes we try to generalise too much. Everyone is different. I really regret starting a long term relationship early on at uni. I could have done so much with that three and a half years in that time of my life, but likewise I gained and learned a lot about who I am and what I'm looking for. Having said that, I only got one blowjob in the entire three and a half years - but that's an entirely different story.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I want to give you extra props for writing this entry...being a male.
Maybe its my own poor interpretation but I feel so many people expect men to feel this way without acknowledging the fact the men have this feeling as well. I've had this feeling and my most recent ex had this feeling (almost like karma or pay-back, IDK!) but to be on the negative end of those words its heart-wrenching! Devestating, and to be a man and to admit it gives the rest of us hope that we aren't "Crazy" lol
I appreciate it and hope that others take it honestly - that guys actually do have feelings too! :D so thanks.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years, we've been living together for 1, and I'm 19. I can't say that I feel like I'm missing out on anything. I watch all my friends date loser after loser and get their heartbroken over and over again. Thats what was happening to me before I met my boyfriend. Why would I long for that? Just to experience the excitement of falling in love again? No thank you. If I want to fall in love with anyone, I'll just keep falling in love with my boyfriend. If you're truly in love and happy why would anything else cross your mind?
I agree. Good points!
I think I want someone who is the male version of my female best friend, who is non-hatable, like nothing about her that I dislike or find annoying. guys usually irk me after a few months. I don't get the missing out feeling, more like he doesn't deserve me and I don't have to put up with his crap, so I'm leaving to find someone that'll cherish me more.
I really can relate to this post. I don't tend to enjoy being single. Right now I'm with someone who I love more than I could imagine loving anyone, and even though our "falling in love" period might seem like its over, with all the butterflies and the flirting back and forth and the uncertainty, if you really love the person you'll be continually "falling in love" with them, no matter how well you know the other person.Â
Yes, my first kiss from my SO was amazing, our first long and deep conversations, the first time he held my hand--and I cherish those memories. But what I like now is that I don't always have to gauge how I'm doing, feeling like I'm under a microscope, afraid to mess up and lose him. I know what pisses him off as well as what melts his heart, and because of that sense of comfort and security I feel like we relax more, enjoy each other more rather than the high of a budding love.
I look at others and feel lucky because of my situation. I don't like the "game" of dating (because that really is how it is these days, a game), and I don't envy those who jump in and out of love over and over again. People who me are always telling me how lucky I am to have such a bond, and it's true--it shows. When it's right, "missing out" isn't even on the radar.
Am 19 and in a long term relationship for almost 2 years running now... Given a pretty wild past, I don't get the feelings of 'missing out'. And given my SO's age, he feels like he's had his fair share of experiences so he knows he hasn't missed out on anything. We're good like that!
jesus christ why? I LOVE my relationship I LOVE my boyfriend, I said I would trade everything to be single for maybe a day, and I know that even if I did become single I would hate it; which is why it's not going to happen. they are tiny feelings and they go away rather quickly
STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A BAD PERSON OR LIKE I'M NOT NORMAL BECAUSE THE 90+ COMMENTS ON THAT POST MADE IT SEEM LIKE I'M NOT EXACTLY THE ONLY ONE OUT THERE WHO FEELS THIS WAY. JUST BECAUSE I FEEL THIS WAY DOESN'T MEAN I'M ABOUT TO GO OUT AND CHEAT OR THAT I'M NOT GIVING 100% TO MY BOYFRIEND.
I don't want to date other people. the whole concept of dating is fucking stupid to me... I get really close to people through friendship and then usually end up dating- at least that's what happened with my past two (and only two) boyfriends. one was of one year and my current of nearly two years- I've been in a relationship for the past three years with two different people, since I was 15 years old, but I didn't mention that in the post- which is another thing that makes me wonder if I should've been single and on my own a bit before I dated Cameron just to be independent for a while, but I'm glad I started dating him when I did and I wouldn't change it for anything.
fuck. sorry. I'm having a bad day and I did not need to see this. god damnit.
I never got those feelings either. He was the one who felt like he settled with me, and that I need to go out and experience more of life. First relationships suck and are the hardest to get over.
also I have said COUNTLESS FUCKING TIMES that I wouldn't want to have feelings for someone else- if I could fall in love again, which I miss, it would be with him- not anyone else. I'm not looking, I don't want to look...
I. GAAAAAAHHHH.
I can agree with you on this. I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 20. We recently moved in together and celebrated our 1 yr mark in January. This is his longest relationship, and I'm the type of girl who perfers a longterm thing cause I like knowing someone is MINE...and they arent hooking it up with other chicks left and right...and oh the companionship at night. lol
I hope everything works out for you two. And props to you for being a guy who is looking for something serious, even tho he hasnt met the girl yet. lol Good luck.
ash
@greenglow28@xanga - I never gave the implication that you would go out and cheat on your boyfriend. I'm just only stating my experience and what I've gone through with. I'm sorry if you're having a bad day, but this was not meant (and never was meant) to bash you or your thoughts. I only wanted to offer mine.
I'm 21 and I have been with my boyfriend for a year and we're moving in together in May. I love him more than anything and it is a little scary to think he may be the person I spend the rest of my life with, but also incredibly exciting.
@laytexduckie@xanga - meh. I can appreciate that. thanks.
If you want to be in a long term relationship you'll make it happen, so age doesn't determine length. My last relationship lasted 2 years (16-18), and any thought about breaking up didn't stem from the idea that I was missing out on something better. My current relationship is about to reach its 5th year, and I only started wondering if there is anyone more suitable for me when we started talking about marriage. This is my third relationship ever, and we dated all throughout college when the rest of our peers were dating around. A part of me would like to know what that's like, even though I'm pretty sure this is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's less about whether or not this is the right person, and more I'm the type that likes to see/do everything.Â
Hmm. I think it's easy.