As a teenage girl who has never had a boyfriend (or been kissed, for that matter), I often feel desperate. All of my friends have SO's, and I'm lonely. They always look so happy...
My sister constantly tells me that beggars can't be choosers. She claims that if I want a boyfriend so badly, I should just settle for the first person that shows some interest in me, regardless of whether or not I have feelings for him.
However, part of me feels like my first boyfriend should mean something to me. I don't want to date someone just for the sake of having an SO, I want to date someone because I like him. However, I can't shake the feeling that I'm being TOO choosy, that I will never find a guy because I'm too picky.
I want my first boyfriend to be special, but at the same time, I want to get it over with. I want to know what it's like to have a boyfriend, but I'm afraid it won't feel right if I'm with the wrong person.
So, can beggars be choosers? Or are beggars doomed to settle?
Recommend
Comments (103)
Settling isn't a good thing...
Well you are still a teenager, so there is still time to find someone you have feelings for. In fact, there will always be time! No, beggars shouldn't have to settle! Don't listen to your sister. No one should get into a relationship simply for the sake of being in a relationship. That's a silly reason. The right guy will come along. :)
Don't settle! If you date any guy just out of convenience, then that's not meaningful at all. It'd just be a waste of time. Plus, if he really likes you and you're not feeling it, you're just in it "to see what it's like," then that's not fair to him. Wait it out. You'll find someone worth your time :)
just because you WANT boyfriend doesn't mean you're desperate, or a "beggar"
don't give up your standards to date the first person who comes along. you're not being choosy, you just know what you deserve. go with the flow man. you'll figure it out and he'll come along when he's meant to. don't go looking for love... it tends to find you.
be choosy, but maybe don't go around ready to choose. don't think about it too much until the situation presents itself. :)
don't settle...
That sounds unfair for the guy.
You can't pretend to like someone forever, he'd end up getting hurt.
So would you. :(
Do not settle ever. So what about not having a boyfriend? I've been single all my life, too, but when people tell me I've got to lower my standards, I tell them that I know what I want and I'm willing to wait for it. You should know your own self-worth and not settle for anything less.
be realistic if you want to have an uphappy life then you take what falls onto your plate.
don't settle just because you're feeling lonely, nor should you settle just because someone else you don't like wants to be with you. i suggest that you find a hobby, something you love doing, whether that be sports, music, art, etc.
We're on the same boat! I was never a girlfriend.. nor was I ever kissed by anyone I've liked. My sister said the exact same thing, but I think that's entirely wrong to bring some guy's hopes up when you clearly don't like him.
Go out there and find a potential first time boyfriend to experience a relationship.
I'm trying to find someone too.
your head is in the right place, unfortunately, alot of people your age just are not mature enough to begin the type of relationship you are ready for, or the type of one you may think you are ready for. Honestly don't go searching for one. you might come up disapointed, just keep doing what you are doing now. If someone show's intrest. Thats great! but make sure they are right for you, you will be alot happier. You seem like a pretty good judge of character, so im sure you will be fine. I hate to say this but don't listen to your sister, the fact that you had to ask someone eles for help, should tell you that you know that wasn't the greatest advice. Most people will just settle in High school. Thats why they all will not end up together, or end up hating there Ex. Do not be the same way. You can set the standard, and not follow what everyone eles is doing just becasue they seem happy.
don't listen to your sister. you'll know when you have feelings for someone - maybe not love, but 'like' and a big interest in them. pursue that and see where it takes you. don't settle - but obviously, don't be SUPER picky either (like about physical things or 'criteria')
You can't really rush these things
I didn't have a boyfriend when I was in high school even though guys were interested in me. I did give them a chance but I didn't feel that spark with any of them. I liked talking to them and they made me smile but nothing really developed beyond that. one asked me to be his girlfriend but I didn't want to because he was a perv(I was still quite innocent back then lol) I wouldn't be in a relationship with just any guy that likes me.
@victims_of_pop_culture@xanga - Great answer.
Of course you shouldn't settle, but remember one thing: you don't have to be in love with someone to date them. In fact, you shouldn't, because you don't fall in love until you have dated them, or else it's just not real.
Don't be a dick to someone. You don't just date someone just to date someone. Stupid.
In your case, you're no where to be a beggar. Therefore, I say don't settle and you have no reason to. The fact your sister told you you need to settle is mind bugling to me.
As for being choosy, there is nothing wrong with you looking for a guy with certain qualities. With that being said, if those qualities you look for in a guy are superficial qualities, then you have a problem.
beggars are doomed until they get more self esteem and willpower. then they become choosers.
Settle.
don't settle. because even though you may feel like you're "too picky" now, it might not matter much in the future. I say this because it's very rare that someone gets someone who's EXACTLY what they look for, but they do make exceptions when it comes to the right person. so I believe that you will make exceptions eventually, but don't rush it (:
I used to be a prude to the point that I considered it an insult whenever this footballer dude I knew would ask me out or hit on me (Got to the point where he would try and put his arms around me and I would tell him that I'll smash his face for it). Anyway, the point is that I never found somebody to be with until I was in preparation year for university. Sure while being a prude, the vast majority of my high school were dating someone, same-sex or otherwise (Convent school, what do you expect?). I felt left out a lot, but that sure didn't mean I chose to settle with someone I thoroughly hated to the core then (Although looking back, he really wasn't that bad... I was so mean)!
I think I'm going to go against the flow here. Everyone says don't settle but I say you should not be picky and use your first boyfriend as a learning experience.
Sounds crude and unethical, but the sad reality is that most people don't end up with their first boyfriend/girlfriend ultimately. You can use this opportunity to explore and find out what you really, really want out of a man.
You're a teenager.
Boys come into your life; boys go out of your life. Your first boyfriend will be the first of many.