Wednesday, 10 February 2010
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Caution: Grass on Other Side of Fence May Appear Greener than It Is
I just read this Datingish post about how the author is so in love with her long-term boyfriend, but feels as though they've hit a plateau in their relationship where things are really comfortable...perhaps sometimes a little too comfortable (read: boring). She mentions how all her friends are jealous of the wonderful relationship that she's in, yet she would love to be in some of her single friends' shoes just for a little while. I can completely relate.
I've been in a relationship and thought, "Hmm, being single was actually kind of fun. I'm ridiculously happy now, but I still kind of miss getting to flirt and talk to other people, and feeling free and on my own." And then I was single for 2 1/2 years and felt really, desperately lonely at times, missed having someone to talk to before I went to bed at night, missed the security of knowing that some guy really, 100%, does like me, loves me even.
It seems we always want what we cannot or do not have at the moment. And then shortly after we do get what we want, we want back what we had before. Man, are we some greedy motherf*****s or what? LOL I'm kidding (sort of), but seriously, why does the grass always seem greener on the other side? Why do we so easily forget that what we had previously wasn't as perfect as how we idealize it in our daydreams? How do we live in the moment? When we're in relationships, how do we ignore the occasional temptation and longing for something (or someone) new and different--better yet, how do we not get tempted and have this longing in the first place? When we're single, how do we not feel lonely at night? How do we really "stop looking" for somebody when it seems like finding someone is all we can think about?
My friend once told me, "If the grass seems greener on the other side to you, then maybe you need to appreciate your grass more." With that in mind, the bunch of questions above are really all asking the same thing: How do we "appreciate our grass", no matter what side of the fence we're on?
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- From: LadyInRed
- Name: LadyInRed
- About Me: Hi =) Thanks for checking out my profile! I'm a warm-hearted, sassy New Yorker who is very interested in lifestyle topics such as dating, health, family and friend life, and beauty/fashion. In my spare time I write, sing, dance around my room like a maniac, work out, date, shop, and experience life in the greatest city in the world. =)
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Comments (23)
Following what your friend said, I would say, if you don't like your grass, fix it to make it something you would like. That way you appreciate the work you put into it and have better grass.
Learn to appreciate that grass by knowing it and, of course being comfortable with it. While the grass can seem greener, over time, it can turn yellow or brown and you'll want your old grass back, as you said. To put it in simpler terms, appreciate what and who you have around you instead of what or who you MIGHT find. Because chances are, you've already met them.
I wrote a response to this too, which kind of displays the opposite point of view. :)
@xpika1x@xanga - Well said.
my advice would be: "be careful of artificial grass. yes, they appear greener, but they're fake."
but yeah, keeping your grass green requires time and effort. if you don't put any time and effort, chances are it'll dry out. but yeah, click here for more info.
@kawasaki_saiyan@xanga - exactly!
...I'm not sick of my relationship...
I love my relationship...
my grass is plenty green...
I wasn't complaining...
my mentality toward my relationship is yes, I am very lucky and yes, I am very appreciative, and if things work out for the rest of forever that's great and I'm all for it because I'm willing to work to make that happen...
but if things don't work out, then that's fine too, and I'll get to experience those things all over again, which is great- but not necessary.
I realize how lucky I am.
I have no desire to be single- it would only be fun for like, a day, haha.
Appreciate what you have, agreed! What do you do when the grass on your lawn gets old or less green than before? You work on it to get it back to that lush green. You don't just up and leave every time your grass gets yucky. I mean, you could, but that usually means that what you have isn't worth fixing anymore, but how fair would you be to it if you didn't give it a chance to get back that green?
That's what makes relationships solid. You have your down moments and you have your ups. What you do when things are down is what defines the relationship, if you're able to work together on the improvements. Then you come out of it stronger than before, greener than before so to speak.
It's all about balance too. ^.^ I could go on about that here but I'll refrain.
I think its better to realise that each part of our life should be enjoyed to its best
like two weeks ago i was in a relationship and I was really happy with my gf
but now I'm single, I guess its been fun in a different way cos you can do things that you cant do when with someone.
so yeah enjoy what you have.
LOLOL we really are greedy mofos.
i think its human nature to always want more and to get bored with stagnation. change is natural, and though resisted a lot of times, ultimately sought after.
if my guy doesn't really help me maintain the lawn by watering it and mowing it, then the grass will wither away and be less green. maybe plant a pretty flower on the lawn to keep me interested or I might look over the other side of the fence and notice a sexy garden with carrots, cucumbers and turnips and omg, I'll stop with the metaphors
I think if you find yourself unsatisfied with the relationship in that it is getting stale, you can try to shake things up. Change something on your own, or even better, enlist your SO to try something new. Hopefully that'll help some. If not, then try again with another tactic. Keep trying until you feel like you're happy with your grass, or until you feel like no amount of tending will keep your grass green. If it's the latter, then maybe it is time for a change of scenery. One can only stand stagnation for so long, right? You should never let something sit inside of you that you become disgruntled and jaded. Good luck!
people ALWAYS want what they can't have.
eh idk i'm pretty happy with my landscaping right now C:
@greenglow28@xanga - I was definitely not saying that you were complaining or that you were sick of your relationship...I completely understood what you were saying, and I think that many people often feel that way. Hope everything works out for you. xo
@Daria_Diaree@xanga - I love love LOVE this --> "What do you do when the grass on your lawn gets old or less green than before? You work on it to get it back to that lush green. You don't just up and leave every time your grass gets yucky. I mean, you could, but that usually means that what you have isn't worth fixing anymore, but how fair would you be to it if you didn't give it a chance to get back that green?"
I see you're really runnin' with the metaphor there haha it works!
xo
I appreciate my grass by smoking it.
@LadyInRed - thanks :)
As a lonely community college student, it's really hard not to want to be in a relationship. I'm really curious, as I've never had a boyfriend in my entire life. It's unlikely that my first relationship will last until marriage.. so it's okay to experiment it for now.. And I could always be single again.
It's fun to try to change it up so it's like new grass again:)
I read this play before called "Waiting for Godot." Basically, two men are standing around waiting for someone, or something, called Godot. They don't know why they are, or when "He" is supposed to come, and yet they still idle around, wasting time, only transfixed on something metaphorically away from them.
That can kind of be applied to this. We always stuck in this mindset that there is something better waiting for us, causing us to overlook the "better" that we already have. If we're always waiting, how will learn to just enjoy the moment we're in?
As a freshman in college, I sometimes wonder just for fun how things would be if I were single. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years now. I see my friends having fun and flirting with guys, and yeah it'd be fun to do that for a while, but I know in the end I'd still be discontent and want a guy just like the one I'm with now.
<3
@LadyInRed - Yeah. Like i said, I had to end it cuz I was just going to blab on about the metaphor, and run it to the grave. LOL. But glad you got it and liked it. :)
@greenglow28@xanga - haha you poor thing. but aren't you glad your post sparked so much fascinating discussion??
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