I can count the number of emotional attachments I've had for boys on one hand. I just don't do emotional attachment. We're young and that serious stuff can all wait. Last night an old hook up came to visit some people and we ended up hooking up. It was suppose to be a covert operation but of course my roommate called me out on it.
I've known this guy for three-ish years. I was seeing his frat brother/ teammate /roommate when we first started hanging out. Things got complicated when we realized we were sexually attracted to one another. In the beginning I said I couldn't go any farther than just hanging out because of his friend. Well, that changed and from then on I ended up seeing them both. He was interested in a girl that became my sorority sister. He was telling her one thing and coming to me for advice. We were still sleeping together. She eventually found out. And drama ensued.
This morning after being called out, in front of a person with limited discretion, I hopped in the shower. I hope that none of this comes out or becomes a topic of discussion. I get out of the shower and sure enough the questions come. They weren't anything serious just what did we end up doing--things along those lines.
My roommate then asks, "Why do boys do that?" I asked what she meant. And, she told me the story of another girl that he was interested. She proceeded to tell me everything that I'd heard before. I guess I never looked at him through the eyes of wanting a relationship. All I saw was a guy that I had great sexual chemistry with and who could carry a conversation.
She asked why he was a liar.
I stood up for him. And, simply said that's what boys do in order to hook up. They've been conditioned through pop culture to think that they need to tell girls more than how beautiful they are but how beautiful they'd be if they were together.
I can remember the days of lying in bed, watching movies as he held me. Not really thinking anything of it. Cuddling is cuddling and sex in the 21st century is a hand shake. I can remember him attempting to tell me the same story he was telling these girls. I just never bought in--because I knew about the others.
I guess I have to ask this of my female compatriots: "If guys are such liars, why do you accept their lies for truths and allow yourself to be hurt?"
I'm in no way perfect. I have a history of fucked up relationships. But, I'd like to think with the exception of my first boyfriend and my last that I have avoided the hurt of a hook up not turning into a relationship.
What do you think? Guys: Is lying the only way to get a girl to hook up?
Girls: If you know he's lying, why allow yourself to be vulnerable?
My favorite quote about lying is from the novel "Revolutionary Road".
April Wheeler to her Husband:
"No one forgets the truth, Frank. They just get better at lying."
Comments (95)
Uh, wow. I mean, to each their own. But I could never just...have sex with someone. And this really isn't the mainstream normal condition. There are just as many people devoting sex to relationships as there are people devoting sex to, well, absolutely nothing. I guess that guys generally lie to get into the pants of girls. But you can't get mad at them if you're stupid enough to let it happen! I hate saying that, because it sounds rude. But really.
Don't fuck someone the same day you meet them, and you avoid this issue. Get to know the guy first. Unless he's REALLY going for you, he'll lose interest or slip up and show you his true side. Just play it safe, watch the way he acts, and try to use your best judgement.
I can't blame the guys for lying though, because it works. Girls buy it. They eat it up. And if you're 'hooking up' in the first place, I think you should expect this to happen anyway. It's the language of no-strings sex.
@raedium@xanga - I concur.
Guys lie because they know it works. There are nice guys out there ... or so I've heard.
I always look to see how the guys treat the other women in their life. Is he usually in a "good" relationship with a woman, doesn't emotionally abusive her etc, or does he hook up with many women and have a lot of f-buddies? Does he have any female friends, or does he sleep with them all? What do the other guys think about him? What do you think about him? Does he remind you of your douchebag ex?
guys do what they gotta do to satisfy their animal needs.
Girls just have to be more clever than they are......either play their game or walk away. Never take a guy for face value anymore. Now a days you really gotta put them through the ringer..even then they might just be playing you. showing you that they are willing to do all that shit but in reality they are just tricking you into trusting them so they can get in your pants and leave.
I mean, I guess thats what girls deserve for going out and being promiscuous. You cant really expect anything out of a one night stand can you?? I have lived and learned the hard way
Girls need to smart up in this--the average guy is not going to hold back in this respect, so we need to be aware and not fall so easily into all their lines. Guys often do really want just that one thing..and they'll whatever works to get it. Selfish bastards, haha.
thanks for subbing<33
I don't view sex as a handshake. I can be just as manipulative but I don't want sex, maybe I just want to destroy his ego lol think like a player and you won't be played. I'm the hard to get type
@raedium@xanga - Definitely.
You have serious self-esteem issues.You are telling yourself you are better than most girls because you don't believe the lies--you let yourself be used--in fact, you do the using as well.
No one believes your bull shit for an instant.
You need to grow up. If you are really as evolved as you think you are you would realize that knowingly letting a guy treat you like an animal is pathetic and sad and behaving like one yourself is even worse. Get some respect for yourself and others.
I know this is coming off as judgmental and mean, but I've been where you are. When you are older you will see how off base you really are--or you won't--depending on if you ever mature. But there are guys out there who aren't entirely defined by their penis. Of course they lie, just like girl's lie. We all lie about something. But someday when a guy says you are the only one and he loves you--he won't be lying, he will mean it. And that is the only guy you should be allowing to loosen your vagina until then.
I like your mentality about the whole situation. I'm totally serious, personally I think its awesome. You can decipher what it is exactly that you want from another human being even if others don't see your choices as socially acceptable. Personally, I think too many females rely on the hopes of developing a romantic relationship as opposed to just letting things flow naturally. While many females tend to become emotionally attached to males because of sex, males can just have sex for the hell of having sex. Its a natural act that doesn't need emotional attachment. I'm sure there are people that will disagree with me, but sex is just a physical act, when you take away the pick-up lines and romantic feelings and relationship talk and all the other things society requires for having sex, its really just a physical and sometimes chemical act between bodies.
im a guy , and i would never say "I love you" without meaning it.
and i would never lie just to get some sex, thats stupid.
@Jane - I'm in no way saying that I'm perfect. I am a mess of imperfections. I just haven't had the same reaction to men that my collegiate female counterparts have had. If, it helps I'll put a time frame on things. I was seeing his friend for nearly 6 months. He and were friends during that 6. I knew him for what he was because he would confide in me. I have yet to be lied to by him. I have yet to lie to him. For us, it's never been about a relationship--it's just been friendship and casual sex. The reason I make the statement that cuddling is cuddling and sex is a handshake is because that's what it can be to men in college. I'm not saying that sex is the first thing people should be doing-- I don't agree with that at all. I find it interesting that as a twenty something that women are so easy to blame men for their insecurities when it's all a matter of playing the game. I have so much to learn about life and living. I'm excited for those adventures. I also have learned that just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they do. Just because someone tries loving you doesn't mean they know how. Sex in the 21st century does not have to be about mutual exclusivity but can also be about an exploration of ones sexual self. Thanks for reading. Best Wishes -Kylle
Man you have low self esteem.
@thedyingroses@xanga - i love your approach! it is definitely about getting to know your partner through the important people in his life.
Melandollic and Kaybrah - spot on. Silly post.
Mind, Revolutionary Road is an awesome book.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
All's I got to say is... women need to stop viewing sex as something that is going to automatically lead to love. Stop this traditional view that "purity" is so good, and that it is "moral" to only sleep with people that you are with. The only reason why it makes it uncomfortable is because of the taboos involving female sexuality - which are created by men!
Why do some women continue to let unenlightened men call the shots about what is moral?
@kesummer@xanga - You're just one of those immature, sexist assholes. Die.
Off to dinner :D~
@PMFoutofwater - A fellow blogger (: neat!
lacies.blogspot.com
@raedium@xanga - I agree with the first part.-I could never just do it with anyone.
Men who do what you say are assholes. I'm not sure why you wouldn't blame guys at all when they do this. You don't need to lie to get a girl, whether sexually or romantically. Men who do this give our gender a bad name.
That said, you're right that women should be aware it happens. There are girls that cry after every one-night stand because they thought he really liked him. Well, stop having one-night stands and start getting to know a guy before sleeping with him. If a woman doesn't accept a man's excuse that he did it because his penis told him too, then they shouldn't be so motivated by their vaginas (or hearts for that matter).
Of course, if you're just looking for one-night stands for some fun, then obviously this doesn't apply to you (I doubt you'd cry after it anyway). Just make sure your heart can handle it. Do some soul searching and figure it out. You'll know if you can hook up safely or not.
You seem a little loose. Just gonna throw that out there, even though it's not the point of the post.
Anyways, lying works wonders. It's not my preferred method of getting a hook up; in fact, I completely hate lying in general because of the way it makes me feel. But people are pretty easy to manipulate, whether they're aware they're being manipulated or not. It's relatively easy to pretend that you care about someone; affection can be simulated almost entirely.
Is lying the only way? Certainly not. There's girls like you out there, the ones that don't give a fuck, the ones that aren't looking for anything, the ones that know how to 'play the game'. But a girl who wants something serious probably won't drop her pants unless she thinks she'll get something more than just sex out of it.
"If guys are such liars, why do you accept their lies for truths and allow yourself to be hurt?"
i don't! X-D actions speak louder than words. prove to me that you love me- words mean nothing.
i'm also very discriminating in who i choose to date, let alone get physically involved with. saving sex for marriage. this is *part of* the reason
Ewwwwwwwwwww, drama.
The people I know just don't have this kind of drama so I don't get it.
Yes, guys lie. Oh yes they do... they'll tell you anything just to get into your pants.
@JennyGee@xanga - Totally agree that words mean nothing. If a guy loves you, he'll give it his all.
Geez, and this is why I don't fuck anybody. It's all just messed up. It isn't because I'm Catholic or any of that bullshit.
I just can't trust anyone with that right now.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - This!
Well, okay, I suppose I do want sex, but I refrain. It's called self-control, some people need some.