Tuesday, 09 February 2010
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Advice: Love or IN Love?
I think I'm in love with this guy, but I want to make sure I am before I tell him. In your opinions, what are the tell-tale signs of being IN love? (Keep in mind I mean besides the butterflies and all that--because obviously you can have butterflies for someone you're not in love with. I want to know what feelings, actions, or whatever are specific to being IN love.)
Share your advice at Datingish Advice: What is the difference between love and being IN love?
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Comments (37)
you guys lick your lips around each other more. and yeah, hardcore flirting
You can't stop thinking about him. Everything he does makes you smile and your stomach flips. You start to consider his well-being as more important than yours (not that it is. it's called selflessness). All you want to do is be with him and learn everything about him. I can't really think of what else there is...
Of course this is a guys POV but: the feeling of normalcy, that this is what it should feel like. The feeling that no effort has to be made to feel happy or make the other happy. People say relationships take a lot of work but I think it takes more work to not get in the rut.
You can fart in his presence and own up to it.
@turtletastic - that too! lol
He comes to your mind even when you're not thinking of him. Reminders of him come to mind in almost everything you come across. You want to hold him a lot. And even when you can't stand him and he makes your blood boil and your eyes fuming with anger, you can't help but want to hug and kiss him in the end and you still cannot imagine your life without him. You "love" and "hate" him at the same time, but he's still the one you run to in the end, because after all the trials, tribulations, joys and peace, you both are able to come out whole and together in the end, stronger than before, and only getting stronger as the days, years go by.
@.@
@turtletastic - No joke, i feel like this is one of the best answers... It says something about how comfortable you are around the person...
i don't think love is as romanticized in real life as it is in hollywood. i think the telltale sign of being in love is just being comfortable around that person. when you're completely yourself with them, when you're not yourself without them, that's when you're in love.
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - "when you're not yourself without them"- what an interesting quote. i remember that, when i was falling in love with my current boyfriend, i thought, "i'm more myself than i've ever been before", like being with him actually intensified my feelings of being myself, brought my true self out.
also, the selflessness component. my first boyfriend told me he knew he loved me cuz he'd take a bullet for me! (that's a scary thing to hear when you're 16!!!) i think he hit the nail on the head, though- you would do anything for this person, because their happiness is the most important thing to you.
There's only one test: would you rub and suck their feet even though they stunk?
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
@turtletastic - totally true about the farting. xD
listen, love is simple this,
do you like him, because he makes YOU feel good, or do you like him because it makes HIM happy?
if your in it for the other person, then your in love.
Yes.....I'm 27 and in the most serious relationship ever....this is a question i have been wondering myself.....i do like him ALOT hes all i think about ...right now we not really talking, had a fight of sorts....any help or advice will be great
I think it is when your heart beats rapidly when you are near him. it could be love and lust that causes that to happen
not quite sure.
@Daria_Diaree@xanga - this is about how i feel
@MiaJoyTheWriter@xanga - oh lol and this to
when the idea of him makes you smile, even when you are having a fight.
@turtletastic - girls don't fart, silly !
lmao - I must not be IN love then =(
@lenybobsyouruncle@xanga - Haha that is so true. I had never understood nor experienced such a thing till it happened to me. Usually all you could think about is how angry you are at them, then the next thought you realize, is how cute he/she looks when they're mad. Haha
@JennyGee@xanga - i couldn't agree more!!
Actually, I don't think it's a thinking question. Not so much doubt to it when you're in love, in my personal belief.
Don't tell him until you're absolutely sure. If you don't know... wait it out until you really love him or begin to dislike him. Then you'll know. Infatuation is not being in love.
What do you say when you're infatuated then? I'm infatuated with you?
have you been in a relationship before?
i was in three relationships before my current one and i just knew i wasn't 'in love.' it just wasn't. but this time, around the four month mark, i KNEW. you just feel so much more strongly about this person than you have about any of your past boyfriends (or girlfriends, or whatever). you need to see them, you think about them, you could sit around doing nothign with them all day and still be soo happy... they make you smile... i don't know. it's hard to describe
butterflies only signal nervousness, so technically anyone and anything can give you butterflies. i think being in love is feeling so secure with a person that you'd be willing to spend your life with them. i'm not saying you have to marry them; i'm not saying things won't change, but if you love them so much that you trust them and want them to be in your life as a constant, that is a sign of love. it's not perfect, so don't fool yourself. when problems arise, (hopefully you're both mature enough to not bicker over petty things) you work them out and get through it together. the willingness to stick around even when things get shitty - and not just when things are good - is what true love is, because that's what you do when you truly care for a person. you have to trust each other, respect each other, admire each other, help each other, be honest with each other, be kind to each other, and grow together.
p.s. i think that this intensity of love, and one's willingness to express these things for their partner is what you can call "being in love". as opposed to the sweet feelings of affection that one feels in the beginning of a relationship, when you can say "i love you" because you're intrigued and infatuated, but aren't really deeply "in love".
hope this makes sense.