Tuesday, 09 February 2010
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It's Difficult to go Long-Term so Young
I've been with my current boyfriend for twenty months; he will be 21 in March and I'm only 18 and four months old. I've known him for years and I've learned so much about him. Falling in love with Cameron was one of the most spectacular experiences my life has given me so far.
But that's just the thing. We fell in love; I'm in love with him. We did the hours of talking and the late nights, sneaking out and feeling so dedicated and special.
We're comfortable now. The feeling is indescribable, it's amazing- but it's just not the same as the way I felt during those late nights. I miss that. I think it's difficult to be in a long-term relationship because at this age I feel so weird feeling like I'll never have those feelings for someone again. It almost feels unfair. All of my friends are still experiencing so much in relationships, or just longing to have someone. I've been told one too many times how envious people are of my relationship; and sometimes I would kill just to have a day in their shoes.
The way he put it, "I do miss that feeling. I'm okay with not having that, it's been replaced by a different feeling. I'm happy I still love you. Now you're in love with me and there's a lot more to experience."
I'm happy that I'm in love with him too. I wouldn't change what we have for the world. But I feel so bored, and that "more to experience" is what I chalk up to moving in and getting married... and that's so far away!
I assume this is just a lull; they happen in long-term relationships.
At the same time, when I think about falling in love, it's not that I would do it again just for the hell of it. If I got the choice to do it again I would do it with the same person. So I guess all there is to do now is see how things progress. I just can't decide if I'm lucky or unlucky at the time I've found him. I almost wish I'd found the exact same person; about four years from now, so I could get all of the wanted experience out of my system haha.Has anyone in a long-term relationship ever felt like they were missing out on exploring relationships and falling in love?
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About the Author
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- From: greenglow28@xanga
- About Me: I'm an 18 year old college student, but for god's sake, please judge me on what I have to say, and not my age or the rest of my generation.
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Comments (117)
yes! my first boyfriend and i talked about this a lot (we dated for four years). i valued the comfortable feeling a lot more than he did; he much preferred the feeling of falling in love, and missed it.
but remember, the QUALITY of falling in love is different every time- and you look like you hit the jackpot! your friends may have a higher quantity of those feelings, but if you find someone really special, that new love feeling is so much better and more exhilarating than it is in mediocre relationships. trust me, i've run the gamut!
and there are always things you can do to get the spark back. try sneaking out and staying up all night, just for the hell of it. you might be surprised how much fun you have
I dated someone in high school for almost two years. And I was so head over heels for him [don't know why, he was quite an ass, and an unattractive ass might I add, but I love geeks]. If he wouldn't have broken up with me, I'd still be with him now, because I was happy for the most part, and I'm also loyal. We broke up beginning of senior year. I hated him then, but I'd love to hug my ex and thank him for dumping me as strange as that may sound. A few months later, I met my current boyfriend and we've been together for over two years. If we stay together for the rest of our life - I won't really care about all the guys I missed out on, because I'm much happier with him. But do what feels right.
By their very nature, honeymoon periods don't last. But what you have now - the comfort, the security, the love and the friendship - is what really matters. So relish it, rather than complaining (I'm not saying you are) - many people would trade places.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
you can always go on a "first date" again. should be fun.
I felt like this with my last boyfriend. We were together for three and a half years. We started fighting a lot though, and finally I broke it off. I didn't want to settle yet.
And you know what? Two years later, I really really miss being in a steady relationship. Not with my ex in particular. We're on good terms now, but I think we've both changed enough that if we were ever to try again, it wouldn't work. But I do miss not having to second guess at the other person's feelings.
In short, you still have the part that matters in your relationship: that you two genuinely care for each other. Anyway, like other commenters have said, you can always find a way to reignite that spark.
Sometimes I feel this way. But I know that I absolutely love him, and couldn't find what we have together with anyone else in the world. I'm 17 and he's 22, I recently graduated, and live with him. We're kinda alike in our situations! My boyfriend still manages to give me butterflies though, and I go out of my way constantly to let him know how I feel about him. While yes, moving on to the next step is so far away--appreciate the special bond that you have right now. Make random evenings exciting and romantic, trust me, it helps.
I've been in a three year relationship that ended several months ago, and I've dated two other guys for brief periods of time. Though the "he likes me...he likes me not" phase is SUPER excited and makes me really giddy, ultimately the memories that make me look back and smile are the memories of my long term relationship. Though they weren't as exciting, there were very deep and loving moments shared during that relationship that I never had in the flings. Flings are probably more exciting and fun, but the positive feelings are short-lived. It's not like I look back on the flings and feel content. It's more like looking back at how fun I had riding a rollercoaster once - I knew it was exciting, but it doesn't affect me now, and the pleasure was fleeting.
I've been with my (now) fiance for a little over 2 years. Every now and then I think back to when we first met and think of all the excitement and little moments that happened and I miss that feeling I had back then..but it's not that I want something new or a big change, really. In fact I think it makes me even happier about the present because I wouldn't have wanted those little moments with anyone else and they all brought us to where we are now. There are still tons more to look forward to.
I think this can happen in any relationship - not just a young one. :) Gotta find new ways to ignite the spark again. :)
it's been 2 years and 8 months.. some days, i fall back in love all over again.
@coolmonkey@xanga - why do you suggest that? bad personal experience?
I know what you mean, sometimes you meet someone and just get along so easily you're like huh, what if I weren't in a relationship
you are lucky though.
I like lespirt_descalier's comment... very sweet! I think every day living with my boyfriend I get happier.
@coolmonkey@xanga - You may be on to something. Interesting point.
wow this is EXACTLY how i felt a few months ago .. until .. I lost my relationship. I wished that I'd be able to experience and enjoy my youth .. single .. but I was in love with him and I enjoyed being with him and loved our relationship .. I wished that I had met him at a later time in life. But .. the thing is .. what if you were a different person and he was a different person because you both had grown up? Then you could possibly be incompatible .. idk. I'm sad that my relationship is over and I am afraid that I will never feel what I felt for him ever again .. but everyone says "you will" and life goes on .. and life truly does go on. glad to hear your relationship is so good :)
@xSerendipity713x@xanga - I agree with you 100%! I feel the same way about my relationship and our 2 years is next month. Congrats to you and your future hubby!
If you're happy with him, why would it matter that you can't have feelings for someone else? I'm young, and I've only been dating my boyfriend for nine months, but neither of us wonder what we're supposedly missing out on.
I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 3.5 years. I have liked noone else and have not gotten bored with him. Then again, nearly most of our relationship was long-distance as well. Everytime I get off the plane and see Josh's face, it's like the initial falling-in-love all over again feeling. I like the strength of our relationship b/c it can withstand distance and time. It's a challenge, but if you feel like you're missing out with your boyfriend, call it quits. You're only 18 and you have so much of life ahead of you.
Try having a long term relationship and it be a long distance relationship. It sucks and nerve wrecking cuz you never know when you'll be able to spend some time together due to work and school. It's what happens when he moves away for work and moving in together got pushed back to another year.
I'm also currently in the plateau stage. But some days I fall in love with him all over again. I know that I am young, but I figure that if I am doing something now that makes me happy, why question it? What else would I be doing with my time that could possibly add up to the times we have spent together? The moments of time that I remember most with him overshadow the hundreds of boys who I swooned over before him. Like JennyGee said, QUALITY vs QUANTITY.
If you are happy, change nothing.If you are unhappy, change.
Simple as that.
:)
@coolmonkey@xanga -
You can't put an age on when people should go into relationships; it all depends on the maturity of the people in them, not the age. I see people older than me in long-term relationships and lacking the maturity that you'd think a long-term relationship would have.
sometimes the grass seems greener on the other side. I can't decide which side I want to be on, so I don't think it would be fair to get into a committed relationship if I'm probably going to suddenly leave him, not because he did anything wrong, but maybe I want to be single again. I can be content either way single or in a relationship.
Nope. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I don't feel any need to go out and be single, or explore anything with anyone else. I can't say I've been bored because we have lots to look forward in our future - We both know for a fact we are "the one" for each other.
I understand what you mean though, but going long term at a young age isn't always difficult - it's not like that for everyone.
There might be reasons why you feel like this..
I can relate, but most would say we're the lucky ones. I just go with the flow of the relationship & see where it goes... I still feel like I have a lot yet to learn & exeprience in life in general. (I'm 18 btw) .... I use this quote as a reassurance sometimes: "if it's meant to be, it'll be" (I don't think that's the right quote, but you get the gist of it. haha.)