Sunday, 07 February 2010
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Mistakes When Looking for 'The One'
This stuff has been on my heart lately. I'm not sure why though but here I go I guess. For starters, we as men and women sometimes feel entitled to certain things or people for this matter. Oh we tend to think we're so great, anyone would be lucky to have you as a husband or wife(whomever is reading this). I know I used to think like this before I met my fiance. We as human beings need to realize that not everything is given to us on a silver platter. Especially when it comes to the matters of the heart because you only have one.
I read on this website that people should write down a list of reasons of why no one would want to date you. That's an interesting concept because growing up, I was told just to write down what to look for in a wife. Anyway, another thing we make mistakes in finding that special someone is we can be judgmental at times. For example, let's say someone doesn't make the same amount of money as you do. Do you simply stop dating them because of it? Personally, I wouldn't do that because I've been that person who was told something like this before. For that reason, I didn't want people to think of me as a shallow person.
My last mistake that people tend to do is we usually go for the alpha dogs. You know, the ones who will string someone along just until they feel that they find someone better. It's different for men and women but we won't get into that today ladies and gentlemen. My solution is go for the one who people might consider overlooking but is one you would settle with for the rest of your life. I know I did:).
Any other mistakes you feel people tend to look for when finding 'the one'?
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About the Author
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- From: josifus77@xanga
- Name: josifus77
- Location: United States
- About Me: Whats up Xanga?!? Im a 28 year old Christian that's engaged to the love of my life. I'm here to discuss real things and meet new people.
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Comments (17)
I really regret stopping seeing this girl because she had two kids and lived in a council house. Looking back, I think I could have fallen in love with her. Now someone has accepted her for what she is. My loss.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I think making a list like that could be extremely damaging unless you are willing to make changes. Or what if its something like your hair colour or body shape? No matter who you are, there is someone out there willing to be with you as you are. If you make changes just to make yourself seem "more dateable" you aren't neccessarily being true to yourself.
The list could be a good idea if you just list five things, then work on those, than make reassess a few months later and make a new list.
Hm. Tough one.
People tend to think "my partner should not change me but accept me for who I am!". Truth is, we often don't see some of our biggest flaws and their impacts on our loved ones until someone who loves you enough to want to see you become a better person tells you and makes suggestions. I am not saying you should change yourself drastically to suit someone else's needs, what I am saying is that in every relationship there's compromise involved and sometimes that compromise could mean toning down a not-so-good part of you (I'm toning down my temper for my man and he's honing his skills at patience for me, if you want a real example).
Ultimately I think the One is simply the One Relationship we feel is special and are more willing to work on. I tend to be of the opinion that if my man weren't the One for me and I for him, I'd probably would have thrown a frying pan at him a long time ago, which would have caused him to lose patience and walked out. Or he'd lose patience with me one day and I'd throw the pan and literally kick him out. But hey we're together and the scenarios I just described aren't gonna happen!
@KittySolntsova@xanga - Well said!
I find I don't think about my needs enough. That's my problem. So guys walk all over me haha.
Thanks for the thoughtful post.
I'm still superbly new at all this, but here's a couple things I've come across. Looking for 'the one' who can make you happy is a mistake because no one can make you happy all the time. Rather, it'd be better to look for 'the one' whom you want to continually try your best to love and make happy. Another thing, looking for somone who's compatible will only go so far, but also looking for 'the one' who compliments you. Like KittySolntsova's example, someone who will inspire changes in you through his/her strengths (and vice versa).
Thanks for all the responses guys. I really appreciate them. They're well thought out and very insightful:).
@josifus77@xanga - No prob :)
one mistake is that people tend to think "the one" is the perfect person and they get discouraged because that person turns out to have some flaws.
Those are well said. I'm not going to lie...I'm the "Alpha dog". I got out of a 2 year relationship a while back and we were often times described as "Alpha dogs" and that you can't have two alphas in a relationship...but I think the definition used is more then what you just said.
I think a huge mistake people make with those they are in relationships with is that they expect others to forgive them but are so unwilling to forgive themselves...and compromise. It's not about "winning" or "losing" but working together to come to an agreement and if not...to agree to disagree but at least make an attempt to understand each other. I think people forget about that part A LOT. Especially the more naturally competitive and aggressive.
Perhaps another big aspect of a relationship is knowing when to walk away...whether it is from an argument going south or from the relationship itself....
I'm in a situation right now where there was this guy that i was dating wanted to break up with me.but after being apart for so long, now he wants to get affectionate with me.I'm so confused...
I'm in a really tough situation right now where there is someone that is interested in me, and I'm starting to become interested in her, but I never thought I would be. She's not the kind of person I usually am attracted to. I need to make the choice to either be with her, or wait for some other personal business to resolve.
I think I just read this same thing on yahoo..
I think some are blinded by the "ideal" that they don't see the reality.
We forget the fact that nobody is perfect and for us to find the one, acceptance and contentment are very important, despite the flaws and the 'not-so-perfect' person.
I'm very lucky, I got the guy that I always thought was too good for me. He was my first high school crush, and he was always too funny and too cute that I thought he'd never notice me (especially since he was a year ahead in school). But I was lucky and he did notice me, even as far back as high school. We started dating after I graduated, and he's the one I'm willing to become a better person for.
I think people try hard to change the other person and in a few years when they return to what they were the other person realized that they didn't like who they were going out with in the first place only what they thought they could make. My parents divorced because of this and I doubt they are the only ones.