Saturday, 06 February 2010
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Will Valentine's Day be the Deal Breaker?
I have been casually dating this guy for four months now. We talk and/or see one another once a week. When we first started seeing each other, we were casually seeing other people as well. He immediately told me not to fall in love with him because he was not ready for a relationship. Although I was a little hurt by this, I decided to keep on dating him because I wasn't in the right state of mind to be in one as well.
However, last month, I asked him if he was seeing anyone else at the moment. He replied no. Great news, I wasn't seeing anyone else either. He also talked about me getting a toothbrush at his place. This is a big deal. In the last couple of weeks, we met each other's friends, and he took me to his company party. (He clearly introduced me as a friend though). Last week, he changed his profile picture to a picture of us. Yay.
He acted funny when the Valentine's Day topic came out. He joked about how he was going to disappear for a while during that time. Btw.. I am now head-over-heals with this guy ( and that is an understatement).
I feel that if he does ask me to be his Valentine, it doesn't mean that the relationship is going forward, but it is a good sign.( I don't want to jump ahead of things) However, if he doesn't ask me to be his Valentine, then the relationship clearly isn't going anywhere and I should just give it up already- its been four months and I’m falling hard. I’m sure he knows that this day is very important for couples- or important to ME. I think this day will help me determine whether or not he declares me as his sweetheart. And if not by now, it probably never will happen.
What do you think? Will Valentine’s Day be the deal breaker for this “relationship?” Should I be more patient and wait it out?
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- From: amaza@xanga
- Name: amaza
- Location: Hawaii, United States
- About Me: love optimist
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Comments (28)
Patient. and depends if he's the kinda guy who even cares about valentines. and who would ask "will you be my valentine" everything seems to be going okay already anyway but good luck!
maybe he's afraid of commitment, like everything else with a penis.
Haha, 'Don't fall in love with me' - I love this guy. Tell him from me he's a legend.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
What exactly does it mean to "be someone's valentine" anyway?
That said-- You need to ask him where he stands. Be a little bit blunt about it. Say that you want to make sure you guys are on the same page. But I don't think it looks good, based on what you said. Firmly introducing you as a friend is not a good sign.
If he's being wishy-washy, tell him to make up his damn mind. You can generally only keep relationships in that weird sort-of-together limbo for so long.
asking someone "will you be my valentine" is totally old school in my opinion. I don't know of anyone who does it like that. He might get you a gift. 4 months isn't long enough to blow him off if he blows of Valentines day, honest!
I don't think you should push him just because it's valentines day, when there are ALL THESE SIGNS that he's really falling for you back.
Personally, I'd chill and show appreciation if he does something to acknowledge you on V-day, but don't act all moody and hurt if he doesn't. Just accept it as it comes. Let him move at his own pace. Feb 14 is dreaded by many...even if they are coupled.
If you guys have been going out for 4 months, then it is a big deal that he does his best to make you two happy at this date. Besides, either he is a a slow or complete toying with your emotions if he doesn't be a little upfront with you. So, you should consider asking him after Valentine is over to see if he truly cares for you, if he doesn't care for you, you should consider leaving him.
This is based on my experience as well as from friends' relationship with different guys. It really doesn't sound like he is worth it...
I think you should give some more time if things don't go how you want on Valentine's Day. Some men just need a bit more time then others. Trust me, lol. 4 months is still a pretty new relationship too so.. I say be a little more patient with this guy, sounds like hes into you.
that's pretty weird.. in high school 'dating' is like a srs thing. commitment and everything. going out together comes afterwards.
D:
Don't let it be a deak-breaker, though it would be really great if he was sensitive towards you about it.
EX: My boyfriend and I had our first Valentine's Day after a month of dating, and it was not great at all. I let it slide though, and he made it up to me in the following years.
Thus, it is not about what happens on Valentine's Day, it is about what happens afterwards.
how about you take advantage of some equal opportunity rights that your gender fought so hard for 40 years and YOU ask him to be your valentine.
nothing happens from just waiting around lady. If you want something you gotta take some initiative! Besides guys like girls who are confident enough to take a step forward, instead of the prude ones who expect the guys to do everything.
Valentine's Day is just huge money for Hallmark. If that can get in the way of a good relationship, maybe you aren't ready to have one.
@SupperMick@xanga - Some guys don't like girls who are too forward.
Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's all that into you. He made it clear that you are just friends (obviously with benefits, but just friends none the less). Why would he do anything special for V-day with just a friend? Either ask him where he stands with the relationship before Valentine's day, or be disappointed when he doesn't do anything special.
be patient because it's hard to say. with my situation, i don't even know myself. we've been dating for one month, but i'm just playing it cool.
for valentine's day, i made her a valentine's day candy bag. it's got kisses and hugs along with several other yummy candies. and i wouldn't say it's really a gift, more like something we can munch on while we're on our date. the cool thing is: it's going to be a surprise. first, she's probably not expecting a gift and second, if she doesn't see me holding any gift, she probably thinks i'm not getting her a gift (but i am and it will be in my pocket). i'll look for an opportunity within the first few minutes of our meet and i'll point at something extraordinary and say look, "that's so cute" or "that's so pretty" or something along those lines. and while she has her attention elsewhere, i'll take out the candy bag along with the card.
but yeah, how would you feel if a guy did that? 
the card, i would say is pretty cute and childish. lol.
as you know, we're just dating at the moment; i don't really know where she wants to go with this, and hence the reason why i got a childish card and i didn't really get get her a gift. but this will definitely give me a better idea of what she feels. 
and don't worry, we've already decided on a place, and so far i got two cool activities we can do on our date.
haven't planned a restaurant yet, but that'll be something i'll do after i prep for my job interview.
LOL it's just a holiday, it shouldn't be that important to your relationship. I wouldn't make it a deal breaker.
dear hell, it's just another day. i wouldn't place so much stock on what happens that one day. evaluate your entire relationship befre you make any decisions.
and wow, telling you not to "fall in love with him." that's not the least bit arrogant. =p
On one hand, it's just a silly holiday and not something to get worked up about.
BUT. If you say you are starting to fall for this guy, it sounds like it may be best for you to be straightforward with him. Ask where he sees the "relationship" going. If he's still being wishy washy, it may be time to move on before you really get hurt. It wouldn't be fair to you if he keeps stringing you along if he's not going to be ready for anything.
Good luck.
I agree, it's a little bit of a fairy tale princess to let things hinge on V-day. what if that's just not his thing? I mean, booking a restaurant is going to be a mess, and everything gets stupid and pink. (I have a boyfriend and I'm not like super bitter, I just don't like the color pink because it invades the stores and everywhere just before my birthday. stupid!)
The problem with this is that vday may not be his thing. HOWEVER, if he likes you then he should be willing to do something on that day because he knows how important it is to you. If he knows and don't do anything, I think you get the idea...
He might have some issues with Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day, and I only celebrate it because it makes my boyfriend happy, but I have bad/sad memories associated with that day.
Just remember that you don't always know what is going on with him, maybe ask him if there is a reason he isn't into it, it might explain a lot.
He probably is clueless about the fact that V Day is that big a deal to you. He strikes me as the type who'd probably rather pass on the whole thing. But don't let 1 day out of 365 other days be the basis of your make-or-break decision. That will be pure idiocy someday when you look back on it.
He did warn you not to fall in love because he's not ready for a relationship. He also brought you to a company party and introduced you as a friend. He clearly isn't ready for the type of love you seek and can offer. Do you hang out a lot at his place, sometimes overnight? Maybe his reasons for you getting a toothbrush at his place is more because it just seems practical to him.
I think you should tell him how you feel, about being at loss as to where this might be going and how you feel about him, not so much about V Day. At least if it turns out to be a break situation, you can pack your dignity up and say that at least you got out of there in minimal time. And if it turns out to be a make situation, try and make a compromise between the possibly unromantic soul in him and the overly romantic soul in you.
i think saying 'will you be my valentine' is pimp! in a good way.. he must know the importance of valentines day though but sometimes its hard to figure out what to do for it
Hmm... I dunno, it sounds like this guy might have commitment issues, but I think you should give him a chance past Valentine's Day. He might not be able to handle the V-day pressure.
If he doesn't ask you to be his Valentine, DUMP HIM. From my experience, if a guy is in to you, then he'll ask you out for Valentine's Day. If you are his date, he'll introduce you as his date (not necessarily girlfriend, but definitely NOT as his friend.) Four months is long enough for someone to realize if they want to be exclusive or not. If you're wanting more and he's wanting less, then that ratio is not going to change. Don't settle for less than what you deserve. Because really, do you keep a tooth brush at any other "friend's" house?
@Nellie0x@xanga - thank you! normally, I read blogs where people meet and after 2 weeks, they are pratically married. We both are taking this very slow, and because of societal terms fwb, there is a lot of pressure on my part to know where it is going. He seems to be opening up slowly. What's the hurry anyway?