I was inspired to write this by a Facebook tweet this morning because I don't believe this situation is too uncommon...
So a friend of mine just wrote that his girlfriend tells him that he says, "I Love You" too much. I don't mean to be too cynical here, but I think this means she's going to break up with him in the near future.
The girlfriend is made uncomfortable by the phrase and her reaction symbolizes an uneasy feeling about the relationship. Maybe she doesn't feel the same way and feels guilty as a result. She could be getting restless in the relationship, thinking about the future. It sounds like she feels trapped, and when you feel trapped, it's only a problem when you want to eventually escape.
However, there is a benevolent side of my mind that thinks maybe my friend is saying it too often and thus wearing out the meaning like an overplayed song. Perhaps she is scared that the repetition of "I Love You" seems artificial. Maybe she needs to be more assured of his love in another way.
From my past experience, I would say that the relationship might as well be over. I think my friend should break up with her now to save the embarrassment of being dumped because
he loved her too much. We all know the outcome of the situation depends on the details of the relationship, however, we don't have those so let us focus on the bigger question:
Can the words, "I Love You," lose their meaning if spoken in excess?
Recommend
Comments (66)
Yes they can. If said too often it can come out robotic.
I feel that you should only say it when you truly mean it. I'm sure you love him/her 24/7, but if you say it 24/7 you become annoying and less sincere. If said when you're in awe of your partner and you truly realize "Wow, I love you!" Those are the best times to say it.
If you're ending every text with ILY, that can get annoying and seem clingy & desperate which are turn offs.
Everything should be natural in a relationship, especially when it comes to saying "I love you."
"Facebook tweet"... lol...
Saying I love you out of habit too much, yeah.
Yes! I had an ex that would trip out if I didn't say it per conversation we'd have, or on the daily. It eventually became so automated that even after we broke it off, I'd find myself just habitually saying it to others not cuz I meant it really, but more just force of habit. It made me really forget the true meaning of it. I mean imagine, talking to a customer and almost ending it with those words? Haha, Oy!
Besides, there's so many other ways you can express love. And if you save those words to use every once in a while, it's almost like getting a new toy every time.
he may be saying it too much, and if it were me, id start to feel like he was trying really hard to convince himself that he loves me by repeating the phrase. those words can definitely lose their meaning if used in excess. additionally, i get uneasy hearing those words and not feeling their truth. actions speak louder than words and if all he can do is say he loves me, instead of showing me, i get a little nervous. he could try showing his affection through kisses and hugs or something of the like, whenever he feels the urge to say "i love you". it might get the point across more effectively.
absolutely...some people throw around the phrase far too often for it to have any meaning in the end. I think the most appropriate time to say it is when the situation calls for it. the more you hear it, the less significance it has. a person who really loves his SO can always show her in different ways rather than saying it 10x per day.
Obviously.
Of course. Then again, not saying it enough killed one of my past relationships too :/ Oh, where's that happy medium?
Ehh, if he really loves her that much, he should fix it before breaking up.
Love > Avoiding embarrassment.
Maybe she just isn't there yet.
Personally, the word "love" makes me feel a bit uncomfortable unless I'm 100% sure someone means it. I feel like people say it because it's what I want to hear, you know?
Or you could be right.
Who knows. (:
i think your suggestion sucks, that he should dump her before she dumps him. =0=
*cue "More Than Words" by Frankie J (or Xtreme)*
i think i love you loses its meaning when you're saying it to everybody, all the time. but if it's to one person that you've been with for a while...well, maybe you just love them.
I don't remember the last time that I said those words. I think I don't say it enough or at all. it takes a lot for me to say it to someone. it doesn't mean that I don't love that person. for some reason, it is hard for me to say it out loud. I think it is sweet to hear it often but it can lose its meaning if said too much.
it already has .
Of course they lose their meaning if you say them too much. I also think saying it too much indicates either a person is insecure OR they are trying to convince themselves.
I always thought aging British comedian Ronnie Corbet was quite cute admitting he's never been able to tell his wife he loves her. Instead they use the phrase 'Ambrosia Cream Rice' - which is a dessert here in England.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
They can lose their meaning, but it really just depends on the people involved.
My ex expected me to tell him "I love you" every time we met up, left, and about a hundred times in between. He would freak out if I didn't.
I believe that "I love you" shouldn't be thrown around like a sentence filler. It's a meaningful phrase, and therefore should be kept for meaningful situations. Otherwise, repeating it over and over seems like a false sense of security.
I think that you would give very good advice on this subject.
However, I do not agree with the "break up with her now". They possibly need to have an open minded conversation about this subject. He needs to figure out where this is coming from.
I've told my boyfriend not to say it so much, I'd like it if it were a little more meaningful and not something he says every couple minutes. Also, I love him and am not breaking up with him, hes just an i-love-you-slut.
i dunno, i like to hear it at night when we're about to go to bed, or in little random texts (not necessarily every day or on a schedule...) or usually if we're departing from one another. but, yeah, idk. i guess it depends. i remember when we first start dating i felt like telling him i loved him every other second (of course thats a beginning honeymoon thing lol) - but obv you don't, because that would annoy even ME. i told him though about that, and the next day he texts me about 20 i love yous, and said, "you can't say i love you too much as long as you keep on meaning it." :)
so, i say, say it when you really mean it most. and don't try to put "rules" on how often your partner says it - cause that's kinda weird and insecure and controlling. the end
you shouldn't say i love you if you dont mean it in the moments that youre saying it. there are days when you love someone so much it hurts but then there are days when you just love someone. there are also days when you can't stand the person. saying i love you all the time is too much. there are days when it is love. and then there are days when it can be anything but.
Yes.
I get mad at fiance for texting me "I love you" and "I miss you" all day just to call me and say the same thing. Which is probably horrible of me considering he's in the military, but I'd rather him call me to tell me something different. To TALK to me.
But maybe your friend is just taking advantage of the word and saying it too often instead of SHOWING her that he truly does. Then again you could be right and she might be scared and trying to pull away....you never know.
of course
yes, definitely. i'm not going to make the mistake of tossing "i love you" around lightly again. haven't explicitly said it to the bf yet... i think it's for the better.
i guess i'm the total opposite because i love hearing it. it's never too much, saying you love someone means you care. i couldn't imagine if i couldn't hear it anymore, that would mean that the person stopped loving me.
I think it's sweet he tells her I love you often, good for him for not being afraid to say it too.
They only lose meaning if you decide that they lose meaning.
I guess it can only be compared to the availability of water. How many people truly appreciate how freakin easy it is to have water? Even TAP water people scoff at most of the time, yet there are millions of people all over the world who would kill for water as clean as tap. The water has not changed at all, but people have just grown accustomed to having it so readily, so they just take it for granted.
Same thing wiht the phrase "I love you" She hears it so much that she decided that it's not as valuable just because it's so abundant. i guess you could say she lost her appreciation for it.
Give her a guy who doesn't give two shits about her and she'll learn to appreciate it. =p