Friday, 05 February 2010
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Advice: Focusing Too Much on the Future?
This has already happened to me twice with two different people. They would ask something along the lines if I would see us together for a long time. I tend to be realistic and would say "We'll see." Of course, both times, they ended up being mad at me. Upon asking other people, some say that it's a question to ensure security while others say it is a pretty big question to ask. However, both times, I always want to be with them and keep the relationship going. While I know that being asked this question is inevitable, I want to know what people feel is an appropriate answer. I know people and/or feelings can change over time (It, of course, doesn't mean I definitely will). But I also want to let them know that I want to be with them.
Share your advice at Datingish Advice: Do any of you ask this to your SO? How did they answer and how did you react or vice versa?
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Comments (12)
well, when my girlfriend asked me where i saw my self in about 5 or so years, i knew i wanted to marry her
BUT
i didnt tell her because you never know how to answer correctly.
SO the best way to answer that question, is to act flirty with the asker. say something like "maybe" and wink at them. or something that never gives a direct answer, you know?
its always worked for me, maybe it will work for you too =D hope i helped
I would use this question as a bargaining chip. You could say:
"Yes, but only if you make dinner four times a week, buy me one pair of new shoes per month, don't steal the cover, and give me regular foot massages."
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
If they take your answer too personally or assume you have no faith in the relationship, then to me that's insecurity talking. And it's not something you should really discuss too early in a relationship anyway. You have to build your foundation first before you try to reach the top floors.
"I can't predict the future but I know right now that I love you" is something I'd say. then pucker up for a kiss
well, ask yourself the same thing - can you see yourself with them for a long time? that's not to mean you're expected to marry them. but you should be able to determine if you want to be with that person for a while or if you only want something short-lived. again, no one is asking you to commit to marriage right off the bat (i assume), but we all like to know if the person we are with actually wants to be with us. in my opinion, it really is a matter of security. i wouldn't want to put my all into someone who isn't sure whether or not they truly like me and want to be with me.
it's obvious that no one can ever predict the future. no one can say that things won't change, but if you're honestly interested in this person, i would imagine that you would hope for the best. if you want it to last, if you want to be with this person more than any other right now, and you hope to be with them for as long as possible (until something changes, presumably; and things might not change), then you can tell that person, "yes, i can see us together for a long time." if that's what you want, it's the truth, and you should tell them. it doesn't mean "forever". things may change, and any person with their head on straight will know that as an inherent sort of risk with any relationship. but on the other hand, things might not change, and if they don't, is this the person you want to spend your time with for as long as possible?
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I'd be pretty happy with this answer :))
@mystic_sapphire@xanga - thanks. romance is my specialty
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - LOL. Good answer! That was so romantic!
my bf told me that even if we don't end up staying together, he would probably always love me. i believe him. and is good enough for me right now, a year and a half dating (+6 years of friendship.)
my SO and i always say "we'll see" all the time too but i say it because i don't really know about the future.
huh...
When i talk about the future with my boyfriend,i always say "if" we blah blah...and he always corrects me with not "if" but "when"
And i love him for that<3