I was talking to a fellow Xangan today about dating/relationships, and having things in common, and we discussed a different concept in the conversation: NOT having things in common.
Let me elaborate: I've experienced that sometimes, a girl could have an interest, hobby, or pasttime, that I don't particularly enjoy or would never engage in myself, but that I think fits well with her, and makes her seem attractive to me.
For example, I don't watch a lot of anime or read various types of manga, but I've always found girls who indulged in it a lot, particularly attractive (and gotten along well as friends with guys who did). I don't believe in God or practice religion, but Christian girls were always attractive to me (and Christian guys made excellent friends). I don't always joke about internet memes (or even know of that many), but girls who did, and cracked internet-meme jokes every now and then, were attractive to me, and though I'll never listen to metal/screamo/etc., I've found punk/rock chicks damned hot at times.
I'm sure it goes the other way for girls, too. The fellow Xangan I was talking to found guys' interests in cars attractive, as her dad was also a car enthusiast. I've heard girls mention how much they dig when their boyfriends talk about their dreams, goals, something they're passionate about, etc., or how they found their interest in sports attractive as well, even though they don't play sports themselves. So as much as having things in common can definitely help the chemistry of relationships, the differences can definitely fuel things just as much, and it goes beyond the prevention of boredom over agreeing on every single thing - it's about how something different fits the person you're with, and pulls you into a new side of them or interests you by requiring you to learn a bit.
Do you have any examples to share? I'd like to hear your thoughts and experiences on the matter.
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Comments (41)
ummmmmmmmmm no
Having the same interest in music is important for me. Not the teeny bop stuff I listen to, cause I know most guys hate it, but when a guy tells me he's never heard of Vertical Horizon, that. bugs. me.... i'm picky
Having similarities is nice, but having differences helps especially in the beginning with having something to talk about and learn about the other person. Although I tend to not be attracted to girls who don't have a lot of the same interests as me, because I can't really seem to connect with them. That's just me though.
My Fiance and I are complete opposites. But I like to think that we compliment each other very well.
I'm very shy and a homebody.
He is very outgoing and social.
I like rap. He doesn't.
He likes scremo. I don't.
We understand each other and we both don't mind that we have different interest.
I like it very well. When people approach us I can hide behind him and he will do all the talking.
:)
Along with our differences we have many common traits.
So this girl just likes stereotypical guys? Cars and sports?
I like it when my SO has different interests than mine, then I we can both learn something new from each other.
My SO has been in theater since high school, he took me to my first musical, Wicked, and I fell in LOVE. Now we go see musicals in the city from time to time and we watch some musical movies at home. He likes to explain the story to me so I get every piece of information, I love it.
I have always been into animals. When me & my SO first started hanging out he came over to my house and saw my pet snake. He hadn't held a snake since he was a little boy so he was a little nervous holding her for the first time. Later I had gotten another snake and that's when he started researching snakes, and now he is more addicted than me. He has about 18 snakes and I only have 6 & one lizard.
We're both now very passionate about both things we taught each other.
:]
He's trying to get me into WoW, but I don't see that happening.
a guy that plays video games isn't bad, even though when they play me i always end up in a corner getting shot in the back.difference in music doesn't bug me, because not many people even like the music i listen to BUT one thing that's important and has to be the same as me is wanting to get up and go no matter what the time[spontaneity], day i always have more fun that way
true story. differences definitly fuel a relationship. me and my boy have a lot of differences, the similar things are the most weird thing to have in common and thats jealousy, protectiveness, and aggressiveness. so far its working out amazingly. when you have someone that does a lot of different things, its a whole new world. you get to experience and try new things.
well, i draw and paint, my bf creates his own music. we each love each others work and want each other to be what we are, and to be very happy. i think it would be rather dull if we were interested in only the same things.
what is important to have in common are things like relationship goals, moral standpoints, children - having them? plan on raising them? religion/no religion? you know, SERIOUS things. other than that, i'm happy if he's happy, and vise versa.
My boyfriend and I have completely different interests. His favorite band is Mindless Self Indulgence, while mine is Paramore. He is addicted to video games, I am not. He loves Family Guy, I prefer The Office.
Completely different tastes in humor, food, and books, etc.
We get along amazingly though :) We've been dating for about 1 year and 8 months, and I am so in love with him. Sure, we have our spats and quite often too, but we make up and move on. We always have fun.
my hobbies have generally always been very male-oriented, so i highly doubt i'll ever meet a girl who's into the same shit as me. all i ask for is a girl that likes hip-hop. is that too much?
oh yeah, she gets bonus points if she checks out girls with me. that counts as a hobby, right?
I was just thinking about this as well recently. I was actually thinking of my past relationships with guys who I had a lot in common with, then thinking of how they totally did not work out. Our horoscopes even said we were perfect matches and would live happily ever after, yet look at what happened to us.
Then I consider a guy I'm seeing now. All road signs point to disaster, even both our Chinese and Western zodiac signs say we're natural born enemies being the complete opposite of each other and will never get along in a million years, yet it seems to feel that it's working out the best so far (and I know it is still too early to tell). It's our differences that bring us together. With our numerous differences, we have similarities under different lights. It certainly makes daily living a new experience and challenge, and at the end of the day, we can always feel like we've conquered the day.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - No.
I think you need enough in common to fuel things you like to do together. But really, if your SO doesn't like a particular hobby you're into, that will probably never change. If they don't have a preference, yeah, sure, they might pitch in. But don't think that your macrame obsession will become a couples activity just because you're into it.
@raedium@xanga - @TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - HAHA!!
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - That's our favorite hobby!
i've tried dating someone who's the complete opposite of me and it's been so tough because we just didn't have anything in common. i prefer being with someone who has something in common with me.
Me and my SO are COMPLETE opposites and I have never dated someone who was so different to me but so far it works for us.
The one thing we do have in common is our capacity for intellectual debates about EVERYTHING so we have that in common as well as some other things but for the most part we are very different.
I think the fun part is getting to experience things you otherwise wouldn't and learning from the other person's outlook on life.
All in all we balance each other out :)
@Shy___Away@xanga - Honestly, there are times I find other guys attractive (even though I'm straight), so one hobby could be talking about our guy crushes (well, for her, crushes). XDDD
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - The problem with that is, guys don't have boobs.
And if they do, well, that's just not good hahaha.
wasnt this common sense?
psychologists have studied this and found that generally, "birds of a feather flock together" is more true than "opposites attract". sure, your differences may intrigue each other and spark conversation, but in the long run, couples who have more things in common generally tend to stay together longer.
also, you might be attracted to someone's passion about something, whether or not you have it in common with them. when someone is that enthusiastic and passionate about something, it shows that they can possibly have that same passion for you as well, which draws you in.
@Shy___Away@xanga - haha you're the perfect girl for me...although i'm more of a booty admirer than anything else :p
My boyfriend and I are half and half, I suppose. Half of all things we agree on perfectly (or pretty much), and the other half we don't really see eye to eye (ranging from having a small difference of opinion to polar opposite views).
He likes hard rock, cars, and movies.
I like alternative rock, writing, and yoga.
He's conservative, I'm liberal.
We both love New York City, have the same sense of humor, and love learning everything about everything.
We have different tastes in food and different religious views.
And yet, we still work pretty well. I think it's just how hard you feel like working at the relationship with the ends still justifying the means.