Thursday, 04 February 2010
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Is "Retaliation Cheating" Different from Plain Cheating?
I've been dating this guy Joe for about 2 weeks now. We get a long great and have a lot in common. The other day we were talk about relationships and he asks me if I've ever cheated on someone. I have never cheated on anyone in my life. When I ask him the same question, his response is "Only retaliation cheating at the end of a relationship".
But then he goes on to say how terrible cheating is, that didn't make sense to me. I really don't think there is a difference between cheating on someone to get back at them for doing it to you, and cheating on someone for no reason.
"Retaliation" means you already knew they cheated on you before-hand, and chose to get back at them for it. That is just immature and petty in my opinion. You could have just taken the high road and ended the relationship when you discovered their infidelity, but instead you stooped to their level. That just shows you're no better than the cheater themself. At that point you're just doing it to intentionally hurt the person and make yourself feel a little bit better. Neither one is justified for their unfaithful actions. And using "retaliation" as an excuse is ridiculous in itself, it's the same as the "eye for an eye" form of justice. So then what else would be considered an excuse? "She was talking to the bartender too long, so I cheated on her." "He canceled our date last night, so I cheated on him." Where do you draw the line then?
It's really disheartening to find this out, because I really do like this guy. Cheating is a deal breaker for me and I've always believed the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater". I know it's a little unfair to hold someone's past against them but he could easily let history repeat itself. So what do I do now? Should I continue seeing him and forget about his past? Since he still justifies what he did, should I end things with him? And do you believe a retaliation cheat is justified or not?
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- From: lovesick101
- Name: lovesick101
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Comments (74)
Retaliation cheating is stupid. Why sink to their level to prove a point? Instead of leaving them with guilt and something to contemplate, you give them grounds to hate you just as much as you hate them.
it's all stupid.
@ELIZerson@xanga - Yeah pretty much. If you cheat you're a whore, obviously.
I wonder if people still use the saying, "two makes make a..." ...well you know the rest.
meh. quite frankly, i think retaliation cheating is no big thing. seems like if you are both "cheating", it's no longer cheating- one of you just converted it to an open relationship without telling the other person, and the second person sort of consents by also cheating.
but, i have a weird view on these sorts of things.
I wonder why some people stoop down to the level of the plain cheaters... that's just plain stupidity!
@JennyGee@xanga - Are you serious?
WOW
If you're in a relationship, and you fuck someone else, it's cheating.
REGARDLESS
I wonder why it's called "retaliation CHEATING"
In short, no. It's all cheating. Whether that's 'okay' or not depends on the relationship, but 'he did it first' is generally not a good defense.
Both are cruel.
Cheating is bullshit period. there is no excuese for it plain and simple!
uhm...no. Cheating is cheating. Doesn't matter if it's revenge cheating, online cheating, same sex cheating, just oral no penetration cheating...it's still cheating.
Cheating is cheating. No matter what kind it is, it still makes you a huge bag of douche in the end.
They're both cheating, and they're both stupid.
Actually, maybe I'm alone here, but I do think there's a difference. In my personal opinion, if you find out your girlfriend is cheating and you find out, the relationship is pretty much over. Sure, you can forgive if you want, but it'll never be the same. So, she cheats, and then you "cheat" but it's not really cheating because the relationship is pretty much already done, so it's more like a rebound than anything.
Did any of this make sense? lolCheating at all shows a lack of maturity. Cheating because you think you're getting back at someone shows you're even less mature than they are.
@justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga - Yeah I don't necessarily support "retaliation cheating," but I think it's definitely far more okay than the first person who cheated.
Basically the only example I think it's *okay* is this: Boy cheats on girl. Girl finds out from other people. Girl plans on breaking up with boy. Girl has boy walk in on her with another guy, and once the boy sees, she dumps him.
I don't think retaliation cheating is okay if the person isn't planning on ending the relationship. That just shows that they're willing to make a relationship horrible just to get back at their SO.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - well for me, once one person's cheated the relationship is pretty much over anyway, see what i'm saying? i mean, what IS cheating? promising to be in a monogamous relationship and then pursuing someone outside the relationship. if one person cheats, it's no longer really a monogamous relationship anyway.
i have a hard time even imagining this, though, cuz i've never come close to cheating and never been cheated on, so...i dunno.
@justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga - yeah. i'm with you
@JennyGee@xanga - Not necessarily, there are people who will forgive cheating. You're still in a relationship when you cheat. And it's not over until you or the other person make the decision for it to be over. Cheating is cheating and it is unforgiveable in my eyes.
Okay, so retaliation cheating - maybe it's not quite as bad, but it shows a level of emotional immaturity if you ask me. Having said that, I don't think you can hold someone's past against them. We all make mistakes.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I can see how it looks bad in any angle. To be honest, I would be for retaliation cheating. But that's because I place such a high importance on equality that I wouldn't care if it's considered 'petty' or 'childish' or 'immature'. I find it hard to 'take the higher road' and just leave.
Meh, I think in that case, the relationship is over and you're just entering a new one, or having a fling..... I think it's pure immaturity.
No, but to be honest it's unfair. How can someone hurt the person they love so much and not be hurt in return? I guess guilt is worse torture, though.
Excuses excuses....tsk!
People who think that's the right thing to do are really lame.
It is almost worse than just normal cheating because you're setting out to do it. You're purposely hurting your SO just to get even.