Wednesday, 03 February 2010
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If Only I Met You 10 Years Later...
Have you ever dated someone who you felt had everything you wanted in a SO, someone who you could see yourself really being with for life, someone who you were really falling in love with...but also felt that this was not necessarily what you wanted at that stage in your life?
This is basically what I'm going through now. I am dating my ex; we broke up about 2 1/2 years ago over silly reasons, and now we want to get back together. I feel like this guy is "the one"--I always have. I think he is as perfect as a human being could get (at least perfect for me). But I'm only 22, and although my last few years of being single and talking to asshole-ish guy after asshole-ish guy were not always so pleasant, I feel like one's 20's are a time for self-exploration and meeting and dating new people. Not to mention the fact that I think I need to get my life together first (get a career/work on myself) before committing to Mr. Forever Guy.
See, the thing is, I wouldn't mind being in a relationship right now, especially if the outcome seemed ambiguous. It's more so the fact that I could see myself being with this particular guy FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE that scares the crap out of me. He's less scared of commitment than I am, and he knows I'm the one he wants to marry and be with.
I don't know...I feel like this man is a true gem, and I am honestly freakin' CRAZY about him....I just kind of wish God saved him for me for a little later on in life. (Well, I guess that old expression, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans" applies here.) I can't exactly say to Mr. Forever Guy, "Hey you're great, I'm falling in love with you, but come back in 8-10 years, k?"
If I let him go now to work on my life and enjoy dating around, then by the time I'm ready for a serious commitment, he might have moved on. Is this the chance I have to take, or am I crazy to pass up such a good thing?
Damn, ladies, don't you wish you could just go to Macy's and put a man on hold as you would a pair of jeans? Cuz like the perfect pair of jeans, a good man sure is hard to find...
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- From: LadyInRed
- Name: LadyInRed
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Comments (76)
"Damn, ladies, don't you wish you could just go to Macy's and put a man on hold as you would a pair of jeans? " HAHA funny.
Anywho I think of that aaaaaall the time. There's a guy who I will forever and ever love but I wish I met him like, 10 years later. But I always think, if you're meant to be with someone it'll happy.
Cut tag fail...
Well you know what happens when you get sucked into the grill of a Buick
he seems perfect now but 10 years later, he is at a different stage in his life and might have changed into someone that you're no longer interested in and when you're conveniently ready to be with him, maybe he has found someone else that he thinks is more suitable to his preferences at that time in his life. there are too many variables to consider. I'm pretty selfish so I don't know the answer. I want to pursue my personal goals of an independent career,etc but I also want him around in my life. I want my cake and eat it, too
It's kind of like how there are several people in this world who each could be your soulmate, though you only run into a few of them in your life. However, if you run into them too early, you both meet when you're not matured enough yet, and could actually get turned off from them in the process.
Let's use an example here: Girl would get along great with guy if she meets him when she's 25 and he's 27. If she met him at that point, they'd fall in love, get married, etc.
However, a twist in fate happens and for some reason, she runs into him when she's 23 and he's 25. They actually end up finding each other annoying, get into a nasty argument, and even if they end up reconciling later, they only attain friendship at best.
It's kind of like when you meet someone new, and you both discuss your past, and realize that years ago, you'd never have pegged that person as the type you'd get along with. Like... right now, I'm realizing that tomboys are one of my types, and let's say I end up on a date with one. In 6th-7th grade, she used to, say, beat up boys (lol). If I'd met her in 6th-7th grade, I'd probably have HATED her and made it a point to never ever date her (As I got beat up a lot when I was younger -.-). However, if we meet and get to know each other now, and she told me about the time she punched a guy's lights out for witnessing him bullying someone ELSE, I'd laugh and find it a turn on =P (the fact that she fought in the past, I mean. Not the possibility of her kicking my ass currently.)
Now I've made a plan not to get married until I'm around my 30's. I don't even think about marriege much. I'm with the perfect guy right now, but I'm not stressing about marriage. Things will go where they go and do what they do.
Obviously waiting till you're older isn't for everyone. You need to look at where you are and talk it out with him. If he wants marriage try and make a comprimise.
My SO's and mine is, if by 80 we're not married we'll marry each other. :p
Only cuz we can't see ourselves getting married. ;p
Wow, I am in a very similar situation. I have decided to enjoy life and live with no regrets, which basically means I am going to stay single for a long ass time. I know too many women scorned because they settled too young and missed out on all the great opportunities of the world. And besides, I don't believe in soul mates. I just believe there are certain people out there who you are compatible with, and you can meet them at any point in your life... you just have to search. I mean, what are the chances that everyone's soul mate lives on their continent EVERY TIME and happens to ALWAYS speak their language?! Just because you let this guy go now, doesn't mean you won't meet another "him" again years later. It may not be him, but hell the new guy down the road could be someone completely different!
I think maybe you both should try to not talk about things so long term so that you can stay with him without feeling the pressure of knowing he'll be the only one you'll ever be with again. and you can certainly pursue your own dreams and things while dating him - it isn't totally necessary to make committing to him sound like a job you can't trade in for something you've always wanted to do. just let yourself be in love and let yourself do your own personal thing too, and if you guys work things out and stick by each other's side, it was meant to be and you'll have him there when you're ready to settle down. if things don't work out, then they don't. don't break it off with him when you know you're in love with him and want him, but also don't sit and wonder if you're going to last. just don't think. let your life flow by on a daily basis rather than on a yearly basis where you're always thinking off way too far into the future. if anything, try to pretend like he's someone new in your life. find ways to make your guys' relationship really spark like relationships tend to do in the first few months. I understand that you wanna have some fun and some new experiences while you're still young, but give your man some credit - he can give you plenty of fun and new experiences too, as long as you let him.
I've never understood this. I mean, long-term relationships are for sharing your life with someone... but the time you spend putting yourself together is your life, too. Why isn't that share-able?
Just do it.
oh, and a big question to ask yourself and really think about: can you picture yourself being happier WITH him right now, or WITHOUT? I mean don't string him along if you're sitting there wishing you were experiencing different relationships.
Sigh...agreed.
I understand your fear but if you feel he is " the one " as you said & he feels you are" the one " think twice about letting him go. But only you know what's best for you, no one else .Good luck
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Relationships shouldn't be looked at as something that holds you back. You can be looking into a solid career/school and still have a supporting relationship. If anything you should look at it as another avenue to gain what you need. Sometimes our greatest achievements are made knowing you have someone to hold you up during rough patches. I think if anything, if your not with him for the next ten years and do end up with him down the line...you might look back thinking you could have spent those ten years close to him. If he really is the perfect guy he won't hold you back as being successful and you wouldn't hold him back either. Your SO should bring out the best in you, and support you to discover yourself.
Oh my gosh. This hits so close to home for me. I am in the exact same position...
I want to graduate and move away across the country and focus on my career and meet new people, go out and have fun... But I don't think that's exactly what he wants. Or maybe deep down I don't know if I want him around during this period of new self exploration and discovery.
But I do know that I love him so deeply and want to be with him when all of it is over and I'm settled in a good job.
Meh.
all very good comments :)
yeah i have that guy in my life right now. and i'm only 18. the thing is my life will never pause for me, so just go with the flow and just pray to god that no matter who that guy that you will marry someday is someone perfect for you in the future. He loves you and you love him, so you have the let him in. If you don't you're going to regret it when you're 90 and you're going to kick yourself in the ass then which is hard to do and that's how you break a hip. Embrace your relationship with open arms.
truee story.
but i guess you take love as it comes, wouldnt want to pass up something as perfect as you make i sound
i totally agree that good men are hard to find like a good pair of jeans, and all the good ones are taken. i understand what you mean about meeting them later in life. i know a person that i'm so glad to have met now than earlier because the person we are today is different from the people we were before.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I feel the same way, but the perfect guy is one of my best friends and he is currently my roommate.
I know EXACTLY how you feel, and the only answer I've come up with is to just wait on God to let you know what to do. I hope you make the right decision.
My last "real" relationship was like that. But that had a lot to do with me taking too long to make the move and her planning on moving to California in 4 months. So we played house until she left. One thing she kept saying over and over was "Why couldn't I have met you 5 years ago??" or "I wish somehow I met you after the move".
"Better to have loved then lost..." and all of that other cliche crap :)
If you look at it from a future prospective, would having fun in your 20s be worth more than someone that you could have been happy with for the duration of your entire life?
I've done this before, but I've also had my fun with boys. Let me tell you, having fun with boys is great, but nothing really matters as much as being with someone that you love. However, you don't realize this until you go through a slew of unsuccessful relationships (which, let's face it, would be the norm for "having fun in your 20s").
So I would say that you can go off and have your fun and learn a valuable life lesson (I'm not being facetious; you really don't appreciate what you have until you see the other side of things) or you can try to settle down. But then again, if you still think this after dating asshole-ish guys, I guess you want a little more punishment? :p
And everyone's different. You don't have to follow that rule. I'm 22 and I'm also with someone that I could spend the rest of my life with, but I haven't the slightest inclination to date other people. I wouldn't call myself "unusual." Plenty of people are with those that they marry at our age.
Wait, you want to take 8-10 years to "work on your life"? You don't work on your life, God works on your life. And the fact that God's putting this man in your life is Him working. I say go for it. Dating around is overrated -- the only plus you can argue comes from it is a better understanding of who you are. Marriage also gives you a better understanding of who you are. It is normal that commitment scares the crap out of you. Commitment is a freaky scary thing. But it is also a great and godly thing. Do it.
why not date him for those 8-10 yrs and grow together, then get married .. why put him away for so long
Agreed. It'll be hard hanging onto him through all those life transitions...graduating high school, going to college, going to grad school, etc.
MY LIFE.