Tuesday, 02 February 2010
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Perhaps We're Just Young and Bored
Perhaps I haven't had that much experience, or I don't even know what I'm talking about. But how does happiness and love come into play in a relationship?
From reading some of these posts, the logical thing to do if someone is unhappy in a relationship is to just break it off. The logical person in me would like to agree, there's no point in being with someone if you're unhappy. But to what extent of this unhappiness? And what causes this unhappiness? Just pure boredom? Perhaps we're young, and we just like to date around.
But then that brings me to my second point. Love. What then defines love? Is love everything that we see on TV and in the movies? Are we constantly supposed to just be in pure bliss for every moment that we're with someone? Because I've never heard of a perfect relationship. To me, and maybe I'm just being naive, but love is what makes two people stick together, through thick and thin. It's the driving force that looks past all the cute little things, and keeps two people together because they know the pain they can inflict on their significant other.
The way I see it, I take relationships seriously, (maybe too seriously) to the point of maybe considering marriage after a long while. And through that, I know that no matter who I end up with, there will always be temptation, or the possibility of something better. But what drives me to not go after that is perhaps that little thing called...love.
So am I young, naive, and wrong?
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About the Author
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- From: Fuzzman@xanga
- Name: Tim
- About Me: i'll live for you as well
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Comments (23)
No. I wish more men thought the same. Sometimes I think its just better to be alone till your in your mid or upper 20s, when guys are tired of partying and dating.
Nope, definitely agree with you. Possibly idealistic, but in a way that I think ought to be the norm.
I think that I tend to look for love when I'm bored with life itself...
it might just be that you're young and naive. to me, it's totally different. there is happiness and love within a relationship but you have to want it in a relationship. if you're constantly looking for something better then it's better not to even be in a relationship.
Just because you're bored in a relationship doesn't mean you're going to move on, and love isn't what keeps people together, and fearing inflicting pain on your SO isn't what prevents those from leaving.
If you're having trouble, most of the time it is a relatively easy issue to fix, but it's either one is in, the other is out, or both don't want to take the time to fix it. Thus, other problems arise and a split is necessary for the better of both parties.
A lot of people stay together because they WANT more but they fear they can't do better.
I would never stay with my boyfriend if he stopped making me happy, even after we tried to resolve it. If he didn't make me happy anymore, I'm not going to continue to lie to him. I would want him to move on.
Hmm.... but disagreements don't always equal unhappiness. No two people are ever going to stay lovey dovey at all times, and agree on everything. That just isn't real life. But it's not overly idealistic to expect to be happy.
I think if you are truly unhappy with your relationship and no matter what you do, nothing will change... then you need to just leave.
sooner or later, everything and anything, relationships or not, becomes boring for me
Love is something that only you can decide. For me, when my heart kinda aches when I'm from her, it's a sign of love. When she's mad at me and I constantly call her back to have it settled, it's love. When I can only imagine me and her together with no one else in the picture, it's love.
Don't let society decide for you what you want. Don't let people tell you that you're too young and that you don't know what you want. Because, they are not you.
I'm like you in a way. I take my relationships seriously (because, why wouldn't I?). You're making a commitment to someone who's making a commitment to you. And with each commitment, it really shows much you are dedicating to hopefully be with them the rest of your life. Sure, there are others out there that don't like to be tied down so quickly and just want to meet people. But if you feel you found your match and you can spend the rest of your life with them, more power to you.
I still don't know what love is. I fell in love, but that was because he was picture perfect.
I felt attachment for someone, even though he was unhealthy and acted like a baby, but I don't think that was love.
No because I was in a semi-serious relationship last year and I stuck around even though all the crap my ex put me through and from what i hear she had done it to everyone she had dated. So, I stuck around because I loved her. It takes two though to make a relationship work and she would tell me she had things she needed to work on. What a lie.
Way back like 50 years ago, a Supreme Court justice was asked how he defines pornography. He said he didn't know a definition, but he knew it when he saw it. I think love is the same as pornography.
@BlehhItsTu@xanga - I do too...I think it's the fact that nothing else is occupying your attention
i think love is knowing you can hurt someone but not wanting to
If there's an aspect of a relationship that becomes boring, both members should try to figure out a way to fix it. If one or both of you aren't willing to try or cannot make things better after trying hard, then maybe it is time to break up. Especially in a serious, long term relationship, things can get dull sometimes. Finding a solution to the boredom is one thing that can make or break a couple. For instance, my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years and we've settled into a fairly boring routine where I'm going to school full time and he's working full time. We'll both be tired at the end of the day so we'll end up laying on the couch watching movies together all the time. So, we correct this by trying different things like cooking a meal together or going to a place we don't go often just to change things up.
For your other question, what is love? Love to me is trusting your partner 100%. It's arguing and getting upset but then being able to fix the problem by calmly talking it out. It's about making tough decisions based on what's best in the long run for both of us, not just one person. It's seeing yourself grow old with the person and not being scared by it.
Routine makes everything boring in a relationship. Try new things and bring something new into the relationship.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I am the same way.
I'm pretty sure the world has tried (and failed) many times over the years to come up with one perfect phrase you can whip out to define love.
I'd say a good portion of what keeps people together is habit and dependency. You know exactly what you're going to get when you date someone and if you like what they provide, then there's really no point for you to risk it all for something that might potentially be better because there is no guarantee that the new thing will work out.
I know, a little pathetic to think about it that way, but I think it's realistic. You might not think that you're settling, but in the grand scheme of things, you are. If you're already really happy, then the probability that you're going to find someone else that makes you even happier is fairly slim, and if you factor in all of the shared experiences and history and emotional attachment with the other person, then staying with them in the long run appears both logical and rewarding.
@JuliaGodricCaesar@xanga - this is assuming all men are the same and no women have that partying, making out with whomever whenever type of mindset. Its not a matter of gender; its a matter of upbringing, personality and age.
With love comes commitment. The point isn't that there shouldn't be temptation, but rather that you shouldn't give in to it. The point isn't that you are always going to be in pure bliss, but there are times when you have to recognize if your relationship is unhealthy and whether or not you can fix it, if there is something bothering you about the relationship or your SO or something they have done, can you get past it? If you can't, or if you are not willing to work on it, then there is no point in staying in the relationship. And you are right, you probably weren't in love in those cases.
Relationships require work. If you aren't mature enough to handle the work, commitment, and loyalty that goes into it, then you probably shouldn't be in a serious relationship.
Anyone who thinks that love is supposed to be like what you read in fictional books, what you see on TV, etc. is WAY too immature and naive to be in a serious relationship.
Amazing, for a little while I thought that I was living in the past because I thought that 'love' was more than something you just tell someone you enjoy being around. The word is over-used in my opinion, and I think some people need to take a step back and annalize thier relationship. I took relationships seriously also, unfortunatly my 'other' did not. That just screwed everything. Good Luck!
@erahslover@xanga -
Very true. I know alot of women like that also. I just dont have a taste for it I suppose. I'd rather be alone and happy with myself than use alcohol and excessive partying to cover up my problems and never deal with them.
@JuliaGodricCaesar@xanga - i wish more people thought like that. ive never been one for a quick fix.
It seems like there are two really general ways of thinking about who to spend life with. One is that you're ready to settle down, and whoever you're with at that time, that's the person you settle down with. I've always thought that was how older people thought, that it was the time of life and not the person. The second way is that we date for a period of time - some people we date longer, have serious relationships, etc., but eventually we meet the one that we want to spend the rest of our lives with. I'm glad it isn't set in stone. But the other way sounds so planned - you might plan your education, your career, etc., and after you meet your lifemate, you obviously make tons of other plans. But something should be left to chance. It makes it a little more mysterious and sensual - magical. There isn't much magic after you're not a child anymore, and something really should be....