Tuesday, 02 February 2010
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What I Know of Love: The Original Post
The response to this was posted by grayxskiesx. But this is the post that started the argument.
All my friends are in their superficial, one-sided, blind relationships and are perrrrffffectttlyyy happy.
Oh and what do I have? Myself. Here is how I want to try an explain my situation:
My friends wonder why I just don't "go for it." Get a boyfriend, kiss and tell, gossip about the boyfriend.
Here is the analogy I came up with:
"Asking an abusive relationship survivor to go out and date is like asking an anorexic to eat a cheeseburger her first day out of recovery."
It just doesn't work. I'm tired of it. Okay, call me a slut. But casual "interaction" is all I want. I've seen the ugly; and I can see the fake. Don't people understand that high school relationships are jokes? They are based on lies and deceit, all of them, whether they like it or not. You'll most likely break up soon after graduation (anywhere in the range of 6 months to two years after). And if you do end up getting married, its because you're scared of admitting that the entire relationship is a superficial sham, and you are too afraid to leave your comfort zone and find a real partner. You become so freaking attached, you literally can't do anything without that person, every conversation revolves around them, and you become just another part of that person, and not in the good way. This isn't marriage people. Its who you like to hold hands with. Grow up.
Real love, true love, is not the undeniable obsession of needing to see the person. It's not after the boyfriend/girlfriend has left, that literally an hour after you are "missing" them. Please, grow a spine. If that person were to die tomorrow, you would survive. I promise.
True love is not the physical stuff. It's not the person you like to kiss the most, the person you want to lose your virginity to. And true relationships don't become "Frustrating" or "boring" when the sexual part doesn't speed up when you think it should. Its not toting around your SO while shopping and making them carry your bags. It's not the person you take to prom. Cut that stuff the f*** out.
Real love is this: seeing the person and knowing they matter, and trusting to tell them ( and you) absolutely everything. Being content with just a simple text, call, or smile a day to confirm your love. Cuddling is better than sex, and not every time you guys are together do you have sex/hook up. It's not obnoxious PDA's in public, or grasping onto each other. The closest couples are the ones you won't see touching, maybe just having one finger linked, or maybe gently rubbing shoulders as they walk. Real love is not seeing the person for a week, month, or how long for whatever reason, and not missing them excessively; because you are secure in your relationship and love to know that you matter just as much to them as they do to you. THIS is real love.
High school "relationships" are not what I just described as real love. They are everything but.
I know that the comments on this may be highly negative. But anyone that says "I'm in high school, and my relationship is real!"; your's definatley isn't then.
But I want to hear your views. Concur? Dissent? A bit of both?
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- From: chelsea_elsie_oh@xanga
- About Me: 18. College freshman. Redhead. Writer. Get it.
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Comments (86)
And if you do end up getting married, its because you're scared of
admitting that the entire relationship is a superficial sham, and you
are too afraid to leave your comfort zone and find a real partner.
That's the only part I really disagree with. It's not fair to say that they're afraid of leaving their comfort zone. I know people who have married their high school sweethearts. And they are some of the happiest couples I've ever seen. Some have been married over 25 years and their love is still brand new and fresh. Like the spark never left or something. That IS their real partner.
Oh wise one, keep on lecturing us about what real love is! We obviously have no brains of our own. Save us from our childish concepts!
Good God, get off your high horse. Like you're the only person who knows what love is. Don't scoff at people who are in relationships in high school. They're loving each other the best they know how. You don't go around to 5-year-olds telling them that they don't know how to love their parents. Of course toddlers love their parents. They love their parents the best the know how.
So don't go around telling high school students that they don't know how to love. Sure, they haven't experience everything in life, but they love each other the best they know how. Who are you to judge how much their love is worth?
It seems like you didn't even really READ the original post, because from what I recall, the author talked a lot about how her SO had helped her through some really tough experiences. So her relationship clearly is more than the typical high school stuff.
And who can define love like that? Who can say "this relationship is real" but "that relationship is fake"? Only the people IN the relationship can know for sure.
Perhaps it's because I never dated in high school (well, ok, I had a date to the prom both my junior and senior years, but I don't count that, because they were just friends). I've never had a relationship that was superficial, because I'm picky. I've dated only twice. The first one, I realized was a better friend than boyfriend and the second is my husband.
I don't doubt that there are silly high school relationships out there, but if the people in them are okay with that, then what's the problem? I kind of think that other people's relationships aren't any of my business... you know, unless they ask for advice.
@Fairywife@xanga - Totally agree. Though in my case, I've only been out of high school for 11 years. One of my closest friends from high school is married to her high school sweetheart and has been for 7 years. So that's close to 13 years together, 7 years married? That seems like a good track record to me. And that is one of the most "real" relationships (whatever that really means anyhow) I've ever seen.
but i am in high school and i am in love....and the way you dicribed it "Real love is this: seeing the person and knowing they matter, and trusting to tell them ( and you) absolutely everything. Being content with just a simple text, call, or smile a day to confirm your love. Cuddling is better than sex, and not every time you guys are together do you have sex/hook up. It's not obnoxious PDA's in public, or grasping onto each other. The closest couples are the ones you won't see touching, maybe just having one finger linked, or maybe gently rubbing shoulders as they walk. Real love is not seeing the person for a week, month, or how long for whatever reason, and not missing them excessively; because you are secure in your relationship and love to know that you matter just as much to them as they do to you. "
that is excatly me and my boyfriend of almost a year. we are in love and in high school. i suppose that you might be confused with younger grades in high school. we are both seniors and we both live a responsable life of school, family, work,college prep, and each other. i dont understand why people like think high school relationships never last. i mean i dont know if we are gonna get married. i dont see the world like that. we both take the world day by day and we love every min of it. so thankyou for you opion but this is what i think.
@Morningstarrising@xanga - Yeah I've only been out of high school 4 years. But I know older people who married the person they dated in high school. I even know people from my high school who got married when they were 18 and are still married. Which is quite a few people...I was actually surprised.
i completely agree... high school relationships are nothing... it's basically a jump off to the real world of dating... it's just puppy love... i realized that when i graduated high school almost 6 years ago... 'cuz when i was in high school all i saw was girls just want the title so they don't seem like a slut when they do end up having sex and it made me laugh how naive people were in my high school and they end up pregnant! about a quarter of my class got pregnant! and guys back then were so immature all they thought about was sex they always think with the wrong head! i steered clear of relationships in high school... it's stupid!
@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga - While it wasn't posted in a proper toned manner, there is some truth in what she said.
Most high school relationships do not work out. A big reason why they don't is because people at high school ages are inexperienced while having their first relationships; not knowing what to expect from and/or how to have a relationship.
..Wait, a seventeen year old wrote this post?
hahahahahahahahaha
So you're a high school student writing a post about your perception of what is "real," which is just trashing what OTHER high school students think is real?
You are in high school yourself, so by your own theory, you aren't supposed to know what love is either.
I can't honestly be the only one who sees the irony.
I'm not trying to be mean, really, but I disagree.
I think that love is a relative term.
You can't define a love that isn't yours.
@xXDC_luyouXx - But you can't deny that high schoolers can experience just as strong feelings. We [since I'm in high school] just can't properly deal with those feelings.
From the OP, I got more of a "high schoolers don't know love" rather than a "high schoolers can't deal with relationships." Because I can admit that high schoolers aren't very good at relationships, but I refuse to let someone tell me that high schoolers can't love.
@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga - completely agree
High school relationships may not be "real", for whatever reason you may think is "real" love. But it's part of the growing process. Dating, puppy love, all that stuff that normal people go through in their adolescent stage define who they really are, and what they really want later in life. I'd have to agree that most high school relationships dont work out as each person in the relationship starts to mature...but that's not to say they didnt love each other any less. Love to me, has no definition. It's what you make of it, that determines your feelings for one another, and you grow together.
I felt this post was definitely a cynical rant, about someone who got hurt by the wrong guys. Perhaps when you grow older and mature, you'll see the world in a different light than you do now.
Uhm, you're a slut. You shouldn't be giving relationship advice when you can't even get in one.
i think @Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga said it best.
My first serious relationship out of high school was crazy because relationships in high school are really about nothing. I mean, I didn't have a car in high school, and most of my friends didn't either... so if I had a bf, I would only see him in school. I wouldn't necessarily say it's a joke, but it's just puppy love.
I do believe high school sweethearts can end up happily married to each other..forever and ever..
But relationships in the real world are MUCH different. It's even more different when you have your own living spaces. Then not only do you have to deal with he person, but their habits, likes, dislikes, routines, schedules... EVERYTHING.
So, I just think that you see high school relationships as a joke because the individuals are young minded, and still immature. Most of them haven't had their dose of 'life' yet. Although the original post ... I believe ... showed a serious struggle, and sounded like a serious relationship. Not one in high school. Plus.. I think younger people, especially females, tend to love with their all. I know I did.
"Sure, they haven't experience everything in
life, but they love each other the best they know how." <- - - - couldn't have said it better.
you make good points.
@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga - I made the mistake of telling my first girlfriend in high school that I loved her two days after we were officially a couple. I can honestly say that that in hindsight... was really dumb haha. Point being -- I didn't really understand love at all then.
Wow... I'm really old. =/
@TheRealMelanie@xanga - haha yeah, i just made almost the same comment (but then i read yours and didn't have to!). many, many relationships in life are superficial; age is irrelevant.
reality is subjective.. the definition real love therefore is subjective...
it's not the same for everyone, and everyone doesn't have the same needs or wantson the outside looking in, it's different from being in it and actually feeling the emotions
interesting perspective you have and i can kind of understand where you're coming from though, overall, i'd have to say i disagree
Holy generalizations batman!
Limit you cynicism to your own life, don't bleed it onto other people's just cause they're happy and you're not. :P
I'd argue that highschool love is real, but the love grows and develops as the individuals grow and develop into a mature state. Also, love cannot be defined equally for every person, so it can't really be argued what "true" love is as it is based on individual experience.
I agree that it seems alot of highschool love seems superficial, and won't last, but I believe the people in the relationships often don't see it that way, and because of this, the love they are experiencing is "real" for them.
My background? I'm 18, in my last year of highschool. I'm over a year into a serious relationship with my boyfriend who is already done highschool, and college, and has been working full time for two years. We only see each other on weekends, but I would argue that my love is just as "real" or "true" as the love felt between a married couple.
@xXDC_luyouXx - Haha, once you start saying "well, back in my day..." But I think those kinds of experiences are all part of a growing process. I mean, with those kinds of experiences, we grow to better express our feelings and our love. And with time, we better learn to better define what we think love is.
okay, i don't have paragraphs & paragraphs to say, or any personal experiences to relay, but i agree with the OP 100%. that's my opinion.
@Gorrific@xanga - But I'm not unhappy, I just don't want a relationship right now.
@TheRealMelanie@xanga - yeah, i am seventeen in high school, i'm a senior. and after seeing all this for almost four years, and experiencing it twice, this is what i've come up with.
@ShimmerBodyCream2@xanga - I have been in them.
@Morningstarrising@xanga - My friends post was written AFTER mine. I just only submitted mine after hers.
You really can't sum up what love is, everybody loves differently.
Yes, maybe relationships in high school are "puppy love" but I have seen relationships in high school work and last. I have been out of high school for 5 years and have friends who got married right out of high school and are still very happy.
I never fell in love in high school, i dated, but never truely fell in love. It wasn't till just recently that I have actually fallen in love, and true love, my own love, not the kind of love you summed up in that paragraph, but the type of love that makes me happy, that gives me butterflies in my stomach, puts a smile on my face and makes me feel like nothing else in the world matters when I am with that person.
Maybe thats not how everyone loves, but thats how some do and no one should be told that their love is not love, because it could be.
I do agree that MOST high school relationships don't last very long after graduation. The majority of people I knew from high school are getting married to people they WEREN'T dating in high school. I, included, broke up with the guy I dated senior year a month after graduation. I am a cynic though, so I like your interpretation unlike the others.
Opinions. It's all opinions. If you feel that way about relationships that way fine. But each of us have our own say in how we view relationships. Just because you view high school relationships as not being real love doesn't mean that it isn't. Just because you view it negatively doesn't mean it has to be. If you want to be angry, alright. But don't try to force it down our throats because we're just going to spit it back out in your face.