Monday, 01 February 2010
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Skeletons in The Closet
Do you feel ok about telling your current about your past?
In my opinion, I don't like it when my boyfriend asks me about my past relationships/ flings. I feel like it's just another way to get him all paranoid and i wouldn't want that. But others say that they do it because they wanna get to know you more..
So, I'm asking you. What's your stand?
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About the Author
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- From: Aa_bEbE_pHaT_aA@xanga
- Name: Issa
- Location: Cebu, Philippines
- About Me: This is my venting place so please leave me alone.
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Comments (61)
I like to know simply because how one reacts and takes responsibility of the break ups shows maturity and trust. It shows me whether or not they are over a person as well thus whether they can committ me me or if they are going to committ to their memories of the past.
I'm happy and willing to tell my ghosts of relationships past for the same reason: trust, responsibility, maturity and to me an expression of committment.
But I could be wrong.
I think like @Thumper49047@xanga said past relationships can be a good indicator of where a person is. You're also right that it might make him uncomfortable when you begin to talk about past relationships. At some point though you really have to come clean about everything though. Otherwise you will never be secure because you will always have that little doubt in your mind that he's going to find stuff out.
I don't mind telling because I don't have a shameful past. I'm extremely picky, so I've never had a fling. I'd want to know his past to an extent, not all the sexual details but I'd like to know how many committed relationships he has had or how long was his longest relationship, to see if he is the commitment type or not.
I like to know but that's because I like getting to know just about anybody. I don't judge them for what they were then anyway. I don't know, it tends to bring them closer to me to understand why they are the way they are and how they got to be the person they are now. I never ask though. I wait for people to tell me. My past isn't very interesting so I don't have anything to hide.
I would honestly like to never hear of your ex-girlfriends, but that's just me. I don't have any skeletons, so ask me anything. :)
personally i am an open book. i don't volunteer information but i'll answer any question asked of me. i feel like honesty is always the best policy, but sometimes giving info people don't want is too much. be a well of information, not a fountain, and it will serve you well.
@Thumper49047@xanga - Agreed
I tell them what they want to know. If they get upset then that's their own fault.
I like to lay it all out there so it doesn't come back and surprise them in the future. Unfortunately, this has bitten me in the ass a few times.
The older I get, the more this stuff seems like it should be revealed in a need to know basis.
I have too much baggage to share that on a first date. Some basic knowledge, sure. I won't hide it, but I'm not going to pour it out until the relationship is ready. By my estimate we'll be working on our retirement plans by then.
i have no problem with it.
I do not particularly regret my past, but sometimes I regret telling my SO about it because of how they react to it and how it influences them.
But I think that's inescapable.
Skeletons are more than just past relationships.
Most people can handle a few skeletons, but I have a graveyard in my closet.
So no, what's buried, stays buried.
I'll surely tell him if he asks. But if he doesn't, then that's his problem. :))
Maybe he gets a kick out of thinking about you with other men? There's a name for that - cuckoldry.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
My BF has asked me about my ex'es before....and I just don't think he needs to know...
I don't mind telling if they asked, but I wouldn't asked if it were me because I don't think I wanted to know.
For me I don't like to hear it because it make me feel that I am just a sponge with no feelings and it seems that he hasn't move on yet.
The problem with guys is that, sometimes they are insensitive of what the girl really feel, but I understand that they are just proud of what they experienced / learned from them.
In my current relationship, it's very strange. We're so communicative that it doesn't matter what we're talking about. I feel fine telling him about my past and he feels the same...obviously there are sometimes things that we hesitate on, but being able to trust your SO to forgive you and realize the past made you who you are now (whom they love) is a valuable skill that weighs in over the hesitation.
@AutumnShadowsQ@xanga - @jenny francis - @Thumper49047@xanga - @tsh44@xanga - @P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - @xraindropsonroses@xanga - @weakest_strong_girl@xanga -
as much as i would like to tag everyone, i can't. so i guess i'll tag the most i can at the moment and then hopefully, the others can read it and comment on that.
honesty i don't mind. i appreciate it actually but what if one day your boyfriend says, "ok. tell me everything about your past." isn't that kinda scary though? i mean, i would like stuff like that to just come out gradually as we get into the relationship and not all at once. i mean, it does seem kinda like too much to handle, right? :)
thanks for the time, guys!
If he asks, I'll be honest and tell him the truth. I don't have anything to hide and my past relationships are in the past for a reason.
Luckily, I haven't had too many past relationships so he has nothing to get paranoid about.
From my own personal experience, nothing good comes from talking about the past. It can't be changed. It'll only cause arguments, comparisons and used as tools when fights get ugly. My firm belief is get to know one another as who you are now and not who you were before you met each other.
I don't think I'd have a problem with it. She'll have nothing to get jealous about.
If my boyfriend wanted to know, I'd tell him. He knows mostly about the relevant relationships after HS, which is only one messed up relationship before I started going out with him.
@Aa_bEbE_pHaT_aA@xanga - My hubby did just that. I told him that there's no way I could cover it all at once and was there a specific are he would like to hear about first. He said past boyfriends and sexual partners. We spent the next 24 hours wandering through my past and his. It was a wonderful, painful, tearful, joyful and at times infuriating experience for us. It was a good thing though because when one of my old flames showed up on our doorstep years later holding a box of my favorite donuts all the way from Illinois my hubby knew exactly who the guy was.