Sunday, 31 January 2010
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What I Know of Love
I just read one of the most infuriating pieces of writing ever, unfortunately written by someone extremely close to me. A statement declaring that all high school relationships are shit and won't ever last. Basically saying that what I feel now is superficial, one-sided, and has the expiration date of a loaf of bread. Well I feel the need to correct this; by explaining what I know of love because of the relationship I've been fortunate to be in for a year and a half now. You may read this, or hey, you may click 'back' because I bore you to death. Either way, have fun.
I started dating my boyfriend 16 months ago, when my eating disorder was starting to evolve (I promise that's important to what I know of love). We connected not only on the superficial level, but a deeper one. I remember many nights spent drinking coffee (how cliche right?) and talking about everything. From what we wanted to do when we got older, politics, our friends, our beliefs; no topic was taboo. It wasn't until we had been dating well over 8 months that we progressed into the more physical aspect of our relationship. I'll admit we were both shy and new at it all; but it gave us a chance to know each other before we knew each others bodies.
But before we started all of that, I had been getting progressively more sick with each passing day. I was, for a lack of better explanation, going insane (but i'll blog about that another time). He stuck around, with all my weird mood swings, the weird food I ate (or lack of), and a few times I broke down. My weight plunged into dangerous levels, but he still told me I was beautiful. He was the one who took care of me, noticed things I had forced from my mind; like when my stomach was growling and my hands were turning purple.
After we started to become intimate and told each other how we felt about each other; it was like opening the trap door underneath our feet; it all spiraled from there. Wonderfully of course. jeeze this is long already haha! Anyway, the summer passes and I fell more in love and deeper into anorexia and bulimia. It wasn't until my seizure when I realized how much this guy fucking cared.
As I realized I had to start gaining weight and life back into myself; he was there. Hell, he still is, because it sure as hell isn't done. This is the boy I tell most of my secrets to. The only one I trust to go jean shopping with me, because he doesn't make me feel bad about going up a size in clothes; just tells me I look wonderful. He loves me, he's in love with me, and I can't figure out which make me feel better. I'm not even 18 yet and I'm almost positive I've found the person I want to be with the rest of my life. Maybe that's getting ahead of myself a little bit, but you haven't been in my shoes.
No, love is not holding hands. It isn't sex, tallying up months you've been dating, or having his class ring. Love is unexplainable, a type of feeling you need to experience to know it's depth and power. Love is there, and it's everywhere. No one is too young nor old to experience it; and relationships last. You need to want them, and work at them. Nothing is perfect ladies and gentlemen, and like anything else, love needs work.
So please don't be discouraged by cynical ignorant people who belive true love doesn't exist. It does, just stop looking and let it find you.
So do you agree?
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About the Author
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- From: grayxskiesx@xanga
- About Me: i'm not good at much, but i'm not wasting my life away doing nothing. i'm not a fan of change, and i'm going to stay this way for as long as possible.
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Comments (67)
If this were a Facebook status, it would have earned infinite likes from me.
I really enjoyed this XD
i completely agree. your boyfriend seems like a really good guy. hold onto your love.
I don't, but then again, the post she is angry about is the one I posted, haha.
i am going to respond to this post with a simple answer that has many complicated connotations:
you could be right, but you also could be wrong.
i think a lot of people are so sure of the love they have that the second part never gets its warranted consideration. and this is what makes people jaded about love. failure in relationships skews people's perceptions of love. please don't get me wrong. i'm not trying to tell you that you're wrong about love or the relationship you're currently in. i'm not trying to tell you that the love you have right now won't last. i think a lot of people who are older, like myself, have simply made the mistake of calling something love when it was not. time, hindsight, these are the only things that can tell you that you were wrong. so, when we hear a young person like yourself write about love, we instantly project ourselves into the circumstances that we cannot completely understand and interject our own experiences. the truth is that we have no clue about anything you've been through but we still tell you what we think anyways. some people want you to avoid getting hurt. some people want to "set you straight." i just want to let you know that i believe in love. i believe that the love you have with your boyfriend can be real. everything depends on what you do. if there's one thing i know about writing of love, it's this:
if history is written by the victors, then love is written by the undeserving.
Generalizations should just be outlawed, since they're inherently flawed 100% of the time.
I think the most realistic thing to say here is that 'A good deal of high school relationships are short-lived and flawed because the people in them are still growing and maturing. Conversely, a good share of them are long-lasting and deep because some people mature faster and/or are lucky enough to have found real love.'
And that doesn't just apply in high school.
Reading this just makes me so depressed. I mean, good for you, congratulations, but for the rest of us single ladies... well, we have our reasons for being cynical. Really, the only thing you can do is fuck everyone else's opinions and know that what you have is special. Love is different for everyone. There will always be people saying that you are too young or too immature to be in a serious relationship. Just ignore them and keep on truckin'.
Being balls deep in love is a good feeling.
So you're one of the lucky ones who would most likely stay with their high school sweethearts for a long time...just think, your friend or whoever said that statement may have said, that person may just be jealous because you're in such a good, loving relationship that would last.
The best way to explain this is...
There‘s times we feel something strong and we call it love. Not because it truly is, or because we‘re lying but because, we haven‘t felt anything stronger yet. So at the moment, it‘s the closest to love we‘ve ever been, so we call it that. Kind of like, someone who has never seen the ocean, or a lake, or a river, might call a great lake the ocean cause they’ve never seen anything bigger and you won’t be able to convince them otherwise. Until they saw the ocean. Maybe you can explain it. You can try to make them visualize it but they can’t see pass the size of that lake. Just like you can try to explain love to someone deep in something close to it, or that feels close to it. That lake, is the ocean until they see the sea. That lust is love, until they fall.
If you feel you are in love, then you are. No one can tell you otherwise. But from my own experiences, I've met guys like the one you are with when I was in Highschool. And even though they ended (because we grew into ourselves, went off to college, changed as a person, yada yada yada) and I was sad, I was still okay with it when I met the next person in my life that I began to adore. Then you realize why your other relationships ended, because you are always going to meet someone better and your love is going to be bigger.
I agree with PhilKwon81. Maybe it is love, maybe it isn't. You probably do feel like you're in love right now. Will that last? No one knows. Is it really love? You won't know for a while. But if it makes you happy and makes you feel better about yourself, then who cares? Given your circumstances and your age, it's difficult to find anyone who builds you up rather than tears you down.
I think that most high school relationships are a romanticized idea of love, one that those of us who are now out of high school can see as being more infatuation or a "twitterpated" feeling (thanks, Bambi! lol). You may be an exception and if you are - congrats. If not - know that there are others out there who are capable of making you feel the way he's making you feel, if not better.
PS. don't let anyone ever tell you that you aren't in love. They don't own your heart, so they don't know your feelings. If anything they are longing for what you have. You are lucky sweetie, you are one of the few to have met a person you really love at a young age. Young lovers do survive.
Agreed. No two people are the same. It's ridiculous to make such stupid assumptions based on what a few people do.
Just because you are young doesn't mean it's worthless either. All relationships mean something to the people involved. Sometimes it just doesnt work out. But who are they to say they aren't shit? That's pure narrow-mindedness right there. Disappointing.
The big problem of love is what people made of it: there is nothing as pure and natural as to love. The problem is that the most have misunderstood love and naturally misused it. When love is about falling blindly for someone, I guess the definition of love is just trouble then -> you can appreciate someone, care about the person, care about sharing with the person, but why would you fall blindly for your exact reflective / mirroring alter-ego? He or she is as an imperfect human creation as yourself. He or she is as uncontrolable as impredictable as emotional as your self. He or she is human! Not something static/predictable/controlable that you can put your full self into and have a chance of getting away without any harm. Yes, Love is beautiful and people should love but NO, love should not be an excuse to put all your feelings in one basket!
I agree in that anything is possible. I met my bf sophmore year in HS. He's my first love and still is. We're both currently seniors in college now. I would say that 6yrs+ is a pretty long time together.
A couple of years ago I would have agreed with your friend about high school relationship.s Now I don't think you have to be a certain age to fall in love. And from what you've described I do believe what you and your boyfriend have is love. Although how long it'll last no one can tell. And yes that last part is the cynical side of me speaking.
anyone can experience this sort of connection. age isn't a limit, because growth varies in each person. But teens can see love as a simple crush, which doesn't hold any substance to me. i would say a majority don't truly understand what this bond can do, but there are a few who know it.
I couldn't agree with you more. <3
This could've been written by a much more optimistic version of myself. I have the most wonderful man in the world by my side and he's been there for almost 5 years now. I too have had similar issues and breakdowns, but he's still here...and he's never left me, not once. I agree with you that the cynics clearly haven't been there or experienced young, true love for themselves.
Great post!
Generalizations suck. Only YOU know if you're in love or not. And I have several friends from high school who married their high school sweethearts (and we've been out of high school for 11 years now). Maybe they haven't been married long enough in your friend's opinion to know whether it will last, but I think that's worth something.
I've been with my boyfriend for over two years, and I face the same kind of people you mentioned in the beginning. Problem is, she's my mom. Her high school relationships failed. So she's 100% certain that all of them will. And I am the hopeless romantic to think that anything is possible. Maybe we won't get married and live happily ever after. But it doesn't mean we have no chance at all JUST because we got together in high school. Generally speaking, yes. The majority of high school relationships do not last. But that doesn't mean that all of them fail either.
The best advice I have, is live for the moment. Who cares if chances are you'll break up in five years. If you love him (or atleast are happy with) now, thats all that matters. So don't think about what might or might not happen years or even months down the road, thats such a waste of time. Be happy for today. :)
@Morningstarrising@xanga - This made me smile. :)
try not to be so angry at your friend. you're incredibly amazingly lucky, you realize it, right?
she's probably in a lot of pain and jealousy, so try to let it slide, and be happy with your honey.
TT_TT ur really lucky to be going to high school with him. my love is miles and miles away going to a different college than me, i hope i can transfer there...
but he's coming for my birthday this week!! yess!! ^///^ lol
Agreed! That's great that you've found someone like that who stood and still stands by your side:)
Plus I know quite a few couples who are now married with kids and all and met in high school. It does happen.