Sunday, 31 January 2010
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"I Need Some Space"
How exactly are you supposed to react when your boyfriend/girlfriend tells you that they need some space? We've been dating for a little more than 6 months and everything has been wonderful. Today, he was a little high strung due to various reasons (he left his phone at home, he's had a long week, because he left his phone at home, he had to wait 45 minutes for me to get home, etc...). I was in a pretty good mood, but then he started attacking things that I said that he probably shouldn't be so sensitive about (I didn't even say anything bad!). He apologized for it later, but I could tell that he didn't really mean it.
This all occurred in the 15 minutes it took for him to pick me up, drive halfway to his house, and then have him decide that he didn't want to hang out, turn around, and drop me back off, asking me for some space because he's in a bad mood and he exhausted the things he wanted to do with me
Of course, at this point, I'm bewildered, slightly upset, and irritated. I definitely didn't except him to just turn around and drop me.
Now I don't know how to feel. Should I be upset? Should I be angry? I mean...I was rather looking forward to spending Friday night with someone I loved, but because he was unhappy, he ruined my night too in a way. At the same time, we have been spending most of our days together. But then I'm scared that this is a sign that he's getting sick of me :/
I think I'm stressing because I'm being a neurotic idiot. I don't know. A part of me is a little miffed because I didn't do anything wrong and I feel like I'm being punished. Another part of me understands and feels like I should do something nice now because he's having a bad day.
So I guess I just don't know what to do. Thoughts? How should I feel? What should I do?
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- From: Ni_Shi_Wo_De@xanga
- Name: Cicy
- Location: Overland Park, Kansas, United States
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Comments (29)
I wouldnt worry until you talk to him. Every relationship gets to a point like this once in awhile where it starts to slow down. It all depends on how you handle it and handle each other. Hopefully he just was in a bad mood, I know my boyfriend gets like that when he has a bad week and he just wants some space.
I remember when we have been dating for 6 or 7 months and we were on my porch. He was acting very high strung, like your boyfriend was, and fidgety. I am not one to sit back and let things go unnoticed so I asked him what was really going on. He said he felt like he needed some space. I had the same reaction you did, and really didnt know what to say besides "Oh... Okay.. Then.. If you feel that way then do what you need to"
So he said maybe we shouldnt see each other over the extended weekend. It had me very unsettled but I let him do what he felt needed. He left, and I called some friends up and we were hanging out, and of course later that night he apologized and said he missed me.
We talked it out and came to the conclusion that it was that time in our relationship we were slowing down, but we still loved each other just we didnt need to be around each other 24 7.
its natural.
You have to sit down and talk to him. His grumpiness might be caused by troubles in another aspect of his life. However, I have to say it doesn't sound that promising...
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
@KcGivesHi5s@xanga - agreed.
Sometimes people push others away when they feel angry and just need some time alone to cool off. Not everyone is good at hashing out their day and psychoanalysis on the spot. Give the guy some space and let him come back to you. IMHO, a healthy relationship doesn't require spending every waking moment together, nor does it mean you both have to understand everything that the other person does. It's about knowing when to support your SO, and knowing when to back off and let them be. Just let him calm down and then ask him if he's okay, etc. Sometimes, all we need is a friend; and friends don't necessarily dote and worry about how their relationship is, you know? Just my 0.02
I wouldn't worry yet. Give him some space and then ask to speak to him about it. Ask him straight up. Men generally don't respond well to subtle conversations. We all need our space from time to time. It may just be that he was not feeling well. It may be that you guys need to work out a better schedule so that you both have some personal time. Hope it works out for you.
he wanted space for one night. not in general. he was pissed off and didnt want to take it out on you. things are fine.
I think when someone does that it's an indicator of a problem in some area of their life either personal or professional. Or they just really had a bad day or they need some time alone to think.If someone told me that I would give them their space & also say call me when you want to get together or talk...I'm here for you .
honestly, i would be pretty angry at him. he took a lot of frustrations out on you, wasted your time and pretty much ditched you. i don't think he wants to end the relationship or that it's worth ending the relationship over, but i would talk to him and make it VERY clear that that should not happen again.
Giiiiiirrrrlll.. two words, MALE PMS (okay, one word and an acronym). Either way, it's real. I'd wait for a few days, give him some time to cool down, when he's ready to talk about it, I'm sure he'll come to you. I mean, let him know you're there for him, but don't bother him with questions. And I'm sure he's not getting sick of you! You didn't do anything wrong. Some guys go through days where their hormone levels will be all crazy, and they just get mad, and you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
well, if he had a bad day then I can understand why he would wanted some space to cool down and stuff, as guys needs that. Depending on the guy, sometimes just giving him space is doing him a favor, but of course you can like; cook his favorite meal? rent his favorite movie and watch it together? get the CD's that he wanted? I don't know, just some suggestions.
There's nothing wrong with a person wanting some space. It doesn't necessarily mean he's not into you or whatever, he's just had a bad week and needs time to himself. Don't overthink it.
If you're guy is having a bad day it is completely understandable that he needs some space. I mean, seeing each other 24/7 and not having any time for yourself sucks. Try not to be mad at him.
What jumps out at me, is you say he ruined your night too. Mmm, maybe you are too emeshed. Second, you say what you should do to make him feel better. Not your job! So, you may be smothering him just a bit. Don't get mad. Other possibilities are: He is very much in love with you and the closer you get the more scared he is. Some people are afraid of deep love. He may be committment phobic. He may be seeing soemone else, but don't jump on this one, it's only a small possibility. Finally, he may just be under pressure from too many things, and honestly just needs to breathe. A lot of men are like that. Women want to cuddle and talk when thier feeling bad, and under pressure. Most men want to go off, think, calm down, and fix the problem on their own. That's part of how they feel like man. Now, your reaction to this. You need to back of just a bit, and be supportive of his needed time alone. In the end if he was sick of you as you say, at least you did the right thing. Don't be so desperate and afraid, men can smell that from a mile away. I wish you well!
Hannah
He didn't say he needed space in the relationship, just space because of his bad mood. If everything has been well like you've described, then you have never experienced him like that before. Chill out, let him calm down, talk to him and ask what's up, ask him how he deals with his bad moods so you know in the future.
You're upset because he ruined YOUR plans. If you really loved him, the first thing should be "is he okay? What should I do to show him I love him and care?" Not "why did he do that?!" It's hard to think that way, especially if the night is planned. But if you two would have hung out, you would have been in an awkward position.
My bf is exactly the same way! Whenever the bf had a bad day, he would be silent and ignore me until it passes. When we first started dating, I would ask him questions and that would further annoyed him. Sometimes it's better to just keep quiet and let him be til it passes. I used to always get upset that he was being so cold towards me instead of telling me what's wrong but after 5+ years, it's just his way of not taking his bad mood out at me. Even after more than 5 years together, he still does it every once in a while.
But after a while you have to decide whether or not you want to be with a guy who does it whenever something is bothering him. For me, I'm fine with it since he's a great bf in other ways; this is a negative that I'm willing to accept.
i was going through this all week because in one week's time, we had 2 misunderstandings and i felt like i was going to explode because how can 2 people who care/love about each other still have misunderstandings. i know people aren't perfect but i thought maybe we could have broken the barrier. all i can say is hang in there if you truly love this person. everyone gets to have a bad day once in a while but if it continuously happens then maybe it's time to re-evaluate.
dont worry or panic, it is better for him to tell you how he feels rather than not saying anything. give him some space, do sth interesting at your own time :) may be send him some texts a day, see how's he going. men are moody too
If its just this one time, just give him time and space. He'll come back around... and he'll start to miss you too. But if this is the norm.. be careful
something similar happened to me. all I could do was give him his space and try to occupy my time doing other things so that I won't miss him, but it doesn't really work, because I like him too much to not miss him
I'm the clingy type
um, i do this sometimes... and if your boyfriend is anything like me (of which there is about a one in a billion chance in his favor that he's not, LOL), then he means it exactly like he says it. just ask him. i learned to tell my SO that i need a specific amount of time to cool down after a bad day... i'll say something like "i need to just decompress for a while... i'll call you back [insert amount of time]." if he doesn't do this, then ask him to. my former guy said it was much better for him to know that there was an expiration date on my personal pity party.
if it happens often then there is a problem. We all have those moments when we need our space to collect ourselves and come back into the game. It happens from time to time.
honestly, dont worry about it .. it's not your fault .. give him exactly what he asked for and he'll come around sooner .. you two look like a happy couple in your pic .. just give it time .. especially since you did nothing wrong .. he should come to you .. he will when he's ready .. guys are wierd sometimes
He's pissed! Would you want to let him take it out on you or would you rather give him a few space to cool down? :)
You really don't need to feel that way, there times that things like this happens. maybe he just wanted some space to think, just be calm and don't play with his head so that he'll not think of something. Just stay nice and sweet.
Be calm and think of things that you think is better for the both of you.
It's probably just one of those days for him. I'm sure you get those too. The best thing to do, I think, is to let him have his space. You don't want to make the situation worse by continuously asking him what's wrong or what you could do to comfort him. Chances are, when guys says they need space, they mean it. When he feels better then maybe you guys can talk about what's been bothering him or if there's something wrong. But for right now, if he needs some space, be generous enough to give it to him. Try to keep occupied so that you're not constantly thinking about him. If it had something to do with you, I'm sure he would let you know and I'm sure he wouldn't have apologized for hurting your feelings. Hope things look up.
Lately when I get in a crappy mood, I tell my boyfriend to give me some space, because I know that if we communicate, we are going to get in stupid senseless fights. Unfortunately, he has some trouble giving me that space sometimes and we end up in stupid senseless fights. When you spend a lot of time together, sometimes you need time to yourself, or with your friends, not because you are sick of each other, but because you just need some room to breathe.