Saturday, 30 January 2010
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I Think I've Lost Interest in My 4 Year Relationship
So, I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now [on and off]. We have gone through a lot, and he has cheated on me, but I still can't come to forgive him or seem to forget. But I still am with him, and lately I have realized that I don't think he is the person I want to be with anymore. We don't seem to get along, and I don't think our relationship will ever be the same after what he did to me.
So recently, I have been interested in someone that I have only talked to five times or so, but I find myself really interested in him. In a way, I think it's wrong and probably not worth it because he probably has a girlfriend, but I'm not sure. This guy I've been with now is my first boyfriend that I've had, and I find myself thinking of some other guy I barely know, instead of my boyfriend. But recently my boyfriend told me that, "I'm all he has, and he doesn't want me to leave him". He doesn't know about this other guy though.
So what do you guys think? Do you think I should break up now, since I'm interested in someone else? or what?
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Comments (95)
Once a cheater, always a cheater. No matter how "sorry" they are. To me, that means he's not 100% into the relationship.
I'd go for the other guy! Why be stuck in some tired, uncertain relationship when you can have something new?
Hence, I never plan on marrying. ;)
If you can't forgive him, if you don't see your relationship getting anywhere, break up now. Life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy relationship.
Go for the new guy! It's not fair to keep leading your current bf on even if he SAYS you're all he has - obviously he had no trouble filling his bed in your absence before...don't let him play that game! You don't want to become the cheater and it sounds like you're already beginning to cheat on him emotionally (thinking of the other guy all the time, etc etc)...Get out now and see where this new guy takes you!
break up. it's not fair to you or him if you stay in the relationship, you'll just be stringing him along and you'll be unhappy because you know you want something else. plus, he cheated on you. if there's nothing i hate more in the world, it's cheaters. it's just... terrible. i can't even imagine the hurt. maybe this new guy will bring something new for you. don't waste time, you only live once. :)
Well, if you plan to pursue the new guy, definitely break up before doing it.
Geez. How come I'm feeling like I'm reading my own story here?
The fact that you are not happy with him anymore...that's enough for you to call it off.
don't stay in unhappiness just because it's what you know
and what you've grown to accept along this relationship. you have
the rightful choice to venture out and meet someone new. it's one
of those instances where you think about your own feelings and not have to feel
obliged to stay in a relationship just because he said "you're all i have".
Besides.. he cheated. He's done it, he can't go back. And apparently
you can't forgive or forget. I know that you know somewhere inside of you
that it'll end sooner or later.
new is always good :)
I don't understand people who cheat or who can't be straight forward with you. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 4 years as well. We have had our ups and downs. We try hard(well I try hard mostly cuz you know men.. they are lazy) to keep the romance alive. The most important thing I think is the frankness we have between us. I completely trust him on the fact that he will not cheat. I know he has the decency at least to tell me first if he has found someone or he simply can't stand me any more.
I don't really want to give advice because I don't think it's my place. Personally, I wouldn't stay with my SO if I can't be honest with him any more.
It sounds like your decision moreso hinges on whether this other guy -- who you've only talked to about five times with -- has a girlfriend or not; wherein, your current boyfriend is your backup if the other guy does. If it is this way, then you're kind of a terrible person and not really that much better than him being a cheater.
Honestly, I think you should just evaluate your current relationship without thinking about the other guy first. If you can't get past what your current boyfriend did to you, then you just simply can't; you know what to do at that point.
My sister is going through the same thing, except for the part with the
new guy. But I think it's because she closes off any possible
encounter with the opposite sex.
My advice to her, and to you, is to leave this guy. He cheated on you,
move on. Find someone else who knows how to treat you right.
As most have already said, the cheating should make you leave the relationship if you cannot forgive it and move past it.
Also, as somebody else has said, try to evaluate your relationship outside of the fact that you're interested in someone new. Imagine if you had no new love interest-- would you still feel displeased with your current relationship? would you still have lost interest in it? and would you still seriously contemplate leaving the relationship? These are important questions to ask yourself. You have to decide whether the relationship you're in now is ever going to work again.
After you've decided these things (and assuming you decide to leave) I'd say it's safe to pursue the new interest.
wow thats kinda wrong for him to say that " he's all you have" -_-
hun if you cant move on w/ him cheating and arguing then ur just dragging time when u know its a dead end. You'll be miserable in the end if you keep at it
So you would neglect yourself for however long, to make him happy? I don't think that's fair to him or you.
i've totally been here before, and trying to fix it or prolonging the breakup when you know it's going to happen is only going to hurt both of you.
You can't force feelings that aren't there, unfortunately. Maybe a break might help clear your head and help you make a better decision. If he says that "you are all he has, maybe he should start acting like it, given the details of how he acts now.
Go with the new guy. TRY NEW THINGS.
If you and your 4 year guy are meant to be, it'll happen. But don't feel obligated to stay with a cheater because of time.
What a silly question - if your heart isn't in it, dump him and let him get on with his life. He'll be miserable for a few months but then he can start his search for Mrs Right. Be cruel to be kind.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
If you feel like it would be in the mutual best interest of you both, then you should break up with him. You already said you don't see your relationship going anywhere with him, and you probably wouldn't want to stray because that's what your current guy did with you. So you might as well break up with him and prevent any future accident. Besides, by staying with him, you're enabling him to hang onto you for support. Four years is a long time but don't let it run even longer if you're not fully vested. Cheers.
If you can't forgive him, there's no point. Even if he was sincerely and truly sorry, if you're not willing to put it behind you, the relationship is fucked.
If you're not feeling it, break up.
if u don't think u and ur bf are gonna work out, break up sooner rather than later. i mean, u've already been together a while. the longer u wait with those feelings, the easier it gets to push them aside and say, "well, MAYbe we will work out." if u break up, and u and that other guy don't work out, sure you'll meet someone else.
i think it's just a waste to be w/ someone who doesnt make u happy and all that. i finally got out of my 2 year relationship w/ my bf last week. he told me he didnt think he would find anyone if i broke up w/ him (im sure he will), but i really wasnt happy and i just felt like there had to be someone that was a better match for me out there. good luck to u :)
If you are unsatisfied in the relationship, then get out already. At the end of the day, your happiness is the most important thing. If you are no longer happy in the relationship, then you either talk to your other half and sort it out, or you get out and look for happiness elsewhere.
if you're really that disinterested in the relationship now, to the point you are crushing on someone you barely know, then yes you likely should break up with him. i always thought waiting until lining someone else up before ditching the current person is pretty rude. personally, i would've dumped his ass right after he cheated, but that's just me.
Regardless of the other guy, you should break up now. If you're thinking you're no longer interested in the relationship, why prolong it and make it harder on both of you later? Clearly it can only go downhill from here.
First off - You're obviously not ''all he has'' if he's cheated on you. And since you said yourself that you can't forgive him for what he's done, then it's pretty much already over for you two.
Even if this new guy wasn't in the picture, it's pretty safe to assume that you don't want to be with your current guy anymore.
So you really already know what you want to do. Good luck.